Monday, May 30, 2022

Birds, Bees, and Bones

 I've had a very enjoyable holiday weekend. Toast and Bleeder has explained to me that holidays are when they get to stay home from work and make tasty foodables, play with me, and cater to my every whim, so I'm all in on this holiday stuff. I think there should be more of them, because I deserve it.

I continue to stalk the squirrels, and have even taken to stalking birds, as there seems to be a lot of them invading my yard space. Some birds are really stupid, and Bleeder calls them "doves". I suspect I will be having dove snack faster than I will "robin" snacks. Bleeder has mentioned that it is coming on "fledgling" season and I'm very excited to find out what those are. Bleeder is not as excited, and for some reason she has placed a box of latex exam room gloves within easy reach. Something about removing dead things from my mouth. 

Another fun thing to chase are bees. Not your tiny little bees, mind you, but the GIGANTIC deck bees that Bleeder explains are Carpenter bees. Although big enough, they do not wear little equipment belts, so I'm not sure how they do their work.

Both Toast and Bleeder always scream "NO BEES" when I chase them. Sometimes I listen, most times... nope. I'm told that although the males don't sting, the females might and Bleeder refuses to sex each bee to ensure that I'm not harmed, which I feel is very selfish of her. I also don't understand why she can smack them with the electronic tennis racket and I can't eat them. These arbitrary rules are confusing and unfair.

I'm perfecting the art of retrieving my treats from my pink kong bone. My favorite snack stuff item is cheese (of course), and when Bleeder and Toast feel that I need to just STAHP bugging them for a moment, the pink bone makes an appearance, which means I simply bug them incessantly whenever I want a cheese snack.

When I've finally emptied my pink bone, I want more. I've discovered that the quickest way to get a refill is to fling it at Bleeder when she's trying to do something stupid, like pay bills.

 I'm getting much better with my aim. Honestly, I've always been pretty good at flinging, which is why the large Chuck-it balls, or heavy toys are no longer allowed in the house due to an unfortunately well aimed fling cracking the glass on one of their pictures on the wall.

I've also begun blowing my floof for the summer, which means constant combing and brushing. I really don't mind this, as they stuff goodies into my pink bone and give me a relaxing massage while I nosh. I'm so floofy that Toast had to adjust the suction on the Roomba because on low setting it was gathering my floof and then pooping out very neat little clumps in its wake. They let the Roomba poop in the house, but if I do it, all heckin breaks loose. Yet another stupid arbitrary rule.

Well, I need to supervise Toast's washing of my car, and avoid the pooping Roomba, so gotta go.

Enjoy your Memorial day and remember those brave people that fought and died so we can have cheese.

1 comment:

  1. My peoples shout at me not to chase bees too.... they say if I do catch one then I'll understand. So I'll keep trying. ~Rufus