The Dogmanity

 There's been some serious stupid stuff going on in this house lately and I'm not happy about it at all.

First of all, it was International Puppy Day the other day and NOBODY posted a picture of me on the webs or socials!!


Toast claims that he posted this one:

But you can barely see me, and you can't see my adorable face or anything.

They keep reminding me that I'm number 6, and it's just not the same as being number 1 or 2, or even 4, and 5 was a dorky mutatoe wuss. They think that since I'm an only pup, and they've "been through this rodeo before", I don't get as many benefits as the others got because they know things now.

Nikki and Nova got real people foods, like spaghetti with meat sauce, and hot dogs, and burgers from burger places after they went to the vet. I barely get a rock hard pupparoni from Bleeder's jacket pocket that she put there months ago. Half the time they don't even pack water for me. Granted, it's not far to and from the vet, but I'd like some water.

Since they are now hardened veterans of huskies, I have to think of devious ways to get treats from them. When I say treats, I'm not talking about dog cookies and Zukes training treats, I'm talking hunks of cheese and meats, and human cookies.

Initially I'd pick up something from the yard that they didn't want, and to get me to "ploop" it out and not swallow it, they would offer me a hunk of cheese stick.

I liked this deal! I liked it so much that I would go out in the yard and find the things they freaked out about the most (rocks, sticks, random fungus growing on the side of a tree...) to trade up when I was peckish.

I'll trade you a cheese stick for these leaves

The usual routine was that I would eat, then they would eat. But I figured out that if I didn't eat, then there was more room for some tasty shared food when they ate. 

I also discovered that they didn't like to run around the yard and play right after eating, so I would bounce on them and claw them to go out and play and to appease me, they would fill my Kong wheel, or my Woof treat ball to give them a half hour of peace and quiet before play time... so why bother eating with all that tasty treat and foodable buffet?

Seems I took it a step too far with boycotting all of my food. I knew I should have at least pretended to eat to continue the ruse, but they saw right through it.

First, they got me a raised feeder. They did this because when they would give me a bowl of food, I'd shove the food inside the bowl to one side to make it look like I ate some. When that didn't work, I would shove the bowl down the hallway or into the kitchen to hide the whole bowl. They kept finding the bowl, noticed I wasn't eating anything, but I was still begging for treats and eating them just fine. Clearly it wasn't a tooth problem, or a digestion problem... I was just tricking them into feeding me tasty treats.

I still try to push the food bowl to the floor, but they're sneaky and bought a raised feeder with a lip and raised back to keep me from dumping my bowls off of it. I still try though.

Then, horror of horrors, they started feeding me AFTER they ate. Sure, I still get a tater tot or two, or whatever dog approved human food they're eating for dinner, but the amount has dramatically decreased. I can eat more than 2 tater tots, I'm pretty sure my vet has said this was an essential part of my diet.

What's even worse... the amount of kong and Woof treats has been severely limited, and they took away the cheese stick bribes! I'm expected to ploop out whatever I bring in for NOTHING!  NOTHING!!!!! Even worse, when I bring in a stick they're like "sure, whatever, have fun with that". RUINS the whole freaking out give me tasty treats ploy!

They've upended my entire structure. I don't know when they'll feed me, I don't know what I'll be getting, and I don't even know what treats I'll be given after my nightly play session. Even worse is, I'm expected to get the treat out of the kong by myself! No assistance from the humans now. I can't be expected to lick the Woof treat out by myself, there are crevices that my tongue can't reach... easily.

Hey, a little help here... I'm just a puppy!

And another thing... they're swapping my food again. AGAIN! Apparently my lack of interest in the Salmon Sensitive Stomach stuff, combined with the fact that I'm a bit chunky, and (get this from the woman whose skin can be used to sand a 2X4 beam) my paw pads are rough. I'm being swapped over to a Beef and Bison "Performance" blend with a 30/20 for more protein and fat... which defeats the whole "I'm chunky" comments, but apparently it's better for high energy dogs like me.

With new foods, that means the silly swap, but I just eat the new foods, because it's new and leave the old foods, so get ready for firehose diarrhea and endless trips outdoors in the middle of the night Toast and Bleeder, but that's what you wrought with this swap. Of course, I'll simply boycott the new foods as well, but you all knew that.

Then again, with the lack of supplemental human foods and after dinner treats... because for some odd reason, since the weather is nicer, they've determined that they actually can go out after eating and play with me... and also take me on more walks.

This morning Bleeder cleaned out my toy box again.

I snuck in a whole bunch of "outdoor" toys into it, so they went back outside to make room for all of the "indoor" toys. There was also a lot of random old bits of food and treats in it... which I ate and ignored the entire bowl of fresh foods.

Did I mention that I'm only getting fed twice a day now instead of three? Has anyone dialed the local SPCA yet on these monsters that own me? 

I'm expected to eat the small handful of new/old kibble through the day with NO TREATS. NO TREATS AT ALL!!!

There is a bright spot in all of this and that is the new harness that they bought me.

The new harness deserves its own blog post, which I'll do next week, mainly because I was driving out and about with them to run errands and NOBODY TOOK MY PICTURE in my new pretty harness! See??? 

I just have to say that out of all the harnesses they've tried, this is the MOST comfortable harness EVER!  I don't even choke, gack, or puke any more! Bleeder even says that I don't even pull as hard as before!

You'll want to tune in next week for that complete write up... if I don't starve to death first.



  1. Anonymous11:03 AM

    It sounds as if your life is so hard, I am sorry that I don't have any stuffing/cheese logs for you to chew on.


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