The Comforts of Home

I prefer that the human woman wear white socks when I use her foot as a pillow. The white socks are much softer than the gray socks or the black socks, and I don’t like the anklet socks that she wears on occasion.

I like to lick the dirt outside, its tasty. This also explains how mud gets into the water bowl, although I blame it on the suck-up gimpy mutatoe.

I have no idea why the human got upset when I brought a mouthful of food into bed to snack on this morning, she brings food into bed and eats it, why can’t I?

I don’t expect to bang on the door and shriek more than once before being let inside, the human woman should be standing right there waiting for me to decide to come in and promptly open the door.

I would prefer that the human woman eat something right before bed as the sounds her stomach makes when its empty and when I use her for a pillow is very disturbing.

We know exactly where the human man’s sensitive spots are and yes, we do stomp on them on purpose even though we look all innocent and apologetic, we’re actually laughing on the inside at the funny noises he makes.

The reason we lay in a circle around the human woman when she’s on the computer is so we know when she’s getting up for a snack so we can try to steal it from her... its not because we like her company, we like her crumbs.