Must I Do Everything

 I know I'm a working breed and all, but the chores around here keep piling up.

Neighborhood watch

GET OFF MY LAWN!

Storm tracker

Yep, that's a storm

Food taster

That banana looks dangerous, better give me some to test

Explaining tv shows to Toast (and eating waffles)

This is the part where it eats her brains

Fashion consultant for Bleeder

You look absolutely ridiculous

Tech support assistant

Look, I said control shift delete now let's go play

Now... now I'm supposed to let myself in and out with my new dog door.

At first they gave me treats for going out and then coming back in, which I felt was only fair, since I'm now doing all of the work. Lazy humans. Can't even be bothered to get up and let me out any more, I have to do it.

Then the treats just stopped. No incentive to go in, or go out.

What? No cheese for coming in?

There are a lot of advantages to being free to come and go as I please. When it's roasting hot outside and they want me to play, but I don't want to play, I just run inside. Let them stand out there and sweat and get eaten by mosquitos.

They seem happy that I no longer need to fling my entire body on the glass door to signal my desire to come inside... or go outside. I still alert them that I'm about to go outside by zooming through the house and then jumping on the coat door. I've done that since I was a puppy because my leash hung there, and I would leap up and grab it to go out. I like to continue traditions (like clawing Bleeder, it's a two bandaid week here).

I can also bring in all manner of tasty chewable things. I particularly like fallen branches with leaves, and my all time favorite: rotted branches, which I then break up and litter the living room floor with the debris. Then the vacuum comes out and it's zoomy time. I have not (yet) brought in anything still alive, but it's just a matter of time. There is a toad in the yard that I'm looking for, and it would be cool to drag in one of the Nope Ropes.

I did bring in one of my favorite yard balls. It's a full yard ball, soon to be half ball, quarter ball, no ball.

When the weather is cooler in the evening, I take it back outside and once again... yet another chore, I have to heave it down the deck stairs myself and chase after it.

As far as I can tell, the only reason I need the humans is to feed me... oh wait, I have an automated feeder, so my only requirement is an automated canned food opener and I could fire my staff and be just fine and dandy.

Ok, fine, they do other things, but seriously, not a lot.