Saturday, August 27, 2022

The Art of Eating

 I like routine.

My handlers are hell bent on not being routine because they say that routines make you complacent and then when something different happens and the routine is ruined, then you feel stressed.

There is an entire month of difference and it is named UGHust.

Nothing has been routine since this month started, and all of this change in routine, different people coming in, the handlers are stressing about things, coming and going, people coming and going, one leaves, the other stays, they both leave, they both come back, the new loud alarm thing. I'm actually the ONLY one dealing well with all of this difference in routine.

Let me know when you're done freaking out, I'll be out here

I had JUST trained Bleeder to stuff my pink bone with cheeses and goodies and tasties (oh my) so I would be preoccupied for 5 minutes and give her some peace and quiet and all of that just POOF went away just because I would forego my dinner to make room for all of the treats. 

I know that I need to watch my figure, and stalking only takes up so many calories and steps, so I thought it was only fair that I trade out my kibble portion for the cheese bone treats. My handlers did not see it the same way. They seem to think that I NEEDED to eat my kibble BEFORE I got my cheese treats. OH COME ON, I've seen Bleeder eat cheesecake for breakfast (and not share), so don't give me that whole you. have to eat your dinner before dessert spiel.

My kibble strike went on for 2 days. To make up for not eating, I was grazing in the yard and I may have eaten too much grass and when my poo got a bit... grassy, the Handlers gave me tasty canned salmon food mixed with rice and warm water. That was nice. What wasn't nice was no treats. None. My tasty crate kong was full of... KIBBLE.

Wasting away... in my crate

I found another supplement that came from a box in the bedroom called "nose candy". These pillowy little sheets in snack sizes are easily dispensed, shredded, and consumed. I feel that it's just a fiber supplement. The Handlers think that it's not for eating, but for blowing their nose in and disposing.

Anyway, I may have snacked on a few too many, and my poo was a bit thick. Bleeder called it Pooper Mache and threatened to display it as a sculpture. From then on, they've hidden those treat dispensers. Unfortunately this was also an issue with my predecessors, so my Handlers know all of the tricks already. So unfair. I need to up my game.

Since I was on a strict dog food only diet for the next few days, I felt it only fair that I help them to lose a few pounds. If I can't share with them, they can't have anything. So I blockaded the kitchen and fridge.

Gotta pay the snax tax before you can enter

Finally I got so hungry that I ate the plain kibble with cheese sprinkle and an amazing thing happened... I got dessert cheese bone! 

Then I ate my breakfast bowl clean and I got bread from Toast


I LOVE bread. I love bread more than cheese. I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?! Especially the bread called baguette. It's chewy and crunchy and tasty!

So, what have I learned this month so far?

1.) I have to eat my kibble in order to get tasty treats. This sucks.

2.) Baguette is tasty, so I'll choke down my kibble if I get more of that.

3.) Bleeder can't match clothes for instance, she mainly wears gray and black outfits, but when she tries other colors she looks like a parade float has exploded. for instance:


She bought these protective sleeve things for yard work and times when I'm a bit rambunctious and in the clawing mood because I can just look at her and make her bleed or bruise. I pointed out something quite obvious... there is nothing in her closet that matches these horrific things. She'll wear them anyway. 

They say dogs are color blind...

1 comment:

  1. Siberians must be VIRGOS!
    I know NAM was fond of those tissue things -
    NAK liked to redistribute them - she would pluck then out of the trashbasket they were in and just leave them nearby!

    Good job keeping Bleeder & Toast LLC in line!

    H&K&W,
    Willow and NAK's Phyll

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