I Have a Grievance

 I don't ask for much (and it's a good thing because the help around here is USELESS).

But is it too much trouble to feed me on time?

I have an automated food dispenser. Three times a day it spits out my ration of kibbles into a bowl. It's located in the kitchen, squished next to a loud filtration system (something about sucking up all my flying furs), and some huge water jug full of change.

What kind of ambiance is this? You expect me to eat here? Fed dry kibble out of a vending machine on a cold floor among all this junk? I also hate eating out of it because my head hits the stupid machine. Who designed this?

So, once my food is dispensed, I must wait on my servants to properly fix my meal. I just had to wait 19 minutes while Bleeder was scrolling through Instagram, oblivious to my starvation.

Excuse me... I'm starving

I also refuse to eat out of the tipsy bowl, so they must take my fancy bowl, clean it out thorough, warm it, place the foodables in the bowl and apply the appropriate amount of low-fat shredded mozzarella cheese (I prefer the whole milk variety, but some utter BS about my waist line).

Sometimes I prefer a moist, canned food meal with cheese garnish. It is up to my servants to know what I prefer through osmosis. 

Send this back to the chef, this isn't what I wanted

If they get it wrong, then I proceed to push what I don't want out of the bowl, and push the bowl around the living room as a subtle hint. I do eat the cheese garnish though.

Once properly prepared, they must place the bowl in it's proper spot so that I may eat it comfortably.

Sometimes I stand.

Sometimes I lay and snack

I must be watched when I eat. If nobody is there to watch me, I won't eat. During the week, Bleeder stands in the kitchen in a corner holding her coffee with both hands mumbling something about coal mines, peopling, and stupid. She can't see me from there so I must scoot my bowl to the kitchen door. She has learned to just put it there in the mornings, so she is trainable.

During the weekends I have to stomp on one of them at 0500 because the food has dispensed so they can get up, feed me, watch me eat, and then I saunter back to bed with whoever slept through my feeding. The feeder is "already up" and mumbles something about not being able to go back to bed (it's right there... just get in).

They tell me that their life would be easier if I just ate from the feeder. They are more than happy to open the door so I can access my dog door to do my business, and then it's not asking too much to eat out of the feeder bowl.

Yes, it IS asking too much. I have needs, so suck it up, wash my bowl, warm it, sprinkle my cheese and watch me eat.