New HULA Operative: Miss Moo

The outpouring of HULA-ness is overwhelming!  I'm so happy to hear that covert activities were being performed even while our cell was napping.  Please join me in welcoming Moo to the HULA Hoop.  With such a clever operative as this, and all of you other Hoop members, we are sure to take over the world from the clueless humans!

Dear Queen Meeshka,

Moo here, applying for HULA membership.

1. Disruptive behavior- I like to grab Jack by the ears and drag him on the ground till he screams like a little girl.  Disrupts the humans from doing whatever it is they're doing every time. There's several videos of me doing this on our blog, but mom edits out the sound so people don't think Jack's a big wuss, even though he is.

More disruptive behavior:   I've been conduction an experiment:  I get under mom's elbow & shove it up with my snooter when she's trying to draw on the computer thingy.   I do this at least a dozen times a day.  I've been studying her reaction, and it appears to become more irritating and disruptive the more times I do it to her.   I think this move gets a 4-paws up.

2. Human freak-outs....
I ate Jack's stuffie husky head about 3 days after they brought me home.   I horka-d' it up and mom found an eyeball looking at her.  She found the other eyeball poop-scooping.   They freaked all right.   Hey, how should I know you aren't supposed to eat the darn things?   I've never had a stuffie before.  Tasted like chicken.  

 I got in trouble for trying to swallow a mouse I caught on our walk the other day.   Judging from mom's reaction, attempting to swallow small furry creatures if cause for a spectacular  human freak out.  

3. Destroy something - did ya catch my Monday View from the Moo this week? 

4.  Human behavior modification:   I have successfully trained my human to be a light sleeper.   I repeatedly demonstrated that if she doesn't get up to let me out at 2 am, she will be washing the floor in front of the door again.

5.  I will have to substitute something for  #5.  I will not put up with being dressed in clothing.  Period.  

6.  Love of kleenex.... so snack bar wrappers count too?   I love to sneak them outside to lick all the bits of chocolate off them.  Yeah, I know about chocolate & dogs, but I like to live dangerously.   Wooos, even more than paper products, I like to eat roses.  I'll attach a "before " picture, about 20 minutes later all that was left were a few half-chewed petals on the ground.   Mom gave up on keeping that rose bush alive, she chopped it down. 

Hope this covers it, looking forward to joining the ranks of HULA operatives!

toodle woo,
miss moo

Iams Home 4 the Holidays

I was contacted by Trevor (a mixed breed puggle spaniel in a human suit) and asked to help support a good cause.

I'm pleased to announce that I will be promoting the Iams Home 4 the Holidays drive again this year.

Since 2008, the Gimpy Gang has supported this wonderful cause, whose goal is to find homes for 1 million shelter animals.

This year they are also donating food!

Lets save a bunch of pups and kits this year by supporting this great cause.  Click HERE and go to their website to find out how you can help, donate, and spread the word. (LOOK, its a husky puppy on the picture!!! How can you resist that... donate!!!)

Remember, Iams promises to start making a Livergreat dog food if we help them in this cause... yeah, yeah, its been three years since they promised, but I'm pretty sure they'll do it for us THIS time... really... so click the link, help out homeless pets, and don't make me stomp my delicate little feety feet at you!

Your Queen

Meeshka

The Rise of HULA

HULA Members!

I know that some humans have called HULA a "sleeper" cell... well, actually we're a "napper" cell and its time for us to wake up from our naps, take a big stretch and yawn and begin our efforts to take over the world once more!

I've been highly agitated to the point of stomping my delicate little feety feet over the torture going on in the blogosphere, and the humiliation of our pupdom. LOOK AT THIS BLATANT ACT OF DISRESPECT!!!

This poor pup is Ciara from the Chronicle of Woos

But wait... just when you thought it couldn't get any worse OHMYFLUFF LOOK AT THIS!

SERIOUSLY!!! Things have gotten WAAAAY out of control while we've napped and now its time to redouble our efforts to take over the world.

Think this is just a random occurrence?

This is one of the (not so happy) Five Sibes!
I THINK NOT!

For those new to my blog and who want to assist in total canine domination of the world, here is the HULA spiel:

HULA Qualifications
1. Demonstrating Disruptive Behavior
2. Cause Humans to freak out for no real reason
3. Destroy Something
4. Human behavior modification:
5. Humans dress you up
6. Love of Kleenex

HULA stands for the Husky United Liberation Army. Although starting out as a "huskies only" group, we've found that all breeds of dogs (and cats) have the potential to help our cause, and are (if qualified) allowed to join the HULA Hoop.

HULA's mission is to slowly and covertly drive humans insane. Once all humans have been driven to the brink of insanity, we will then take over the world, where I will assume the position of Queen of the Earth.

If you feel that you have carried out covert missions to drive your human insane, wish to be a member of HULA (You will receive recognition of your deeds on my manifesto blog, and a stunning certificate, suitable for framing or tearing into little shreds, eating, then pooping it out), all you have to do is send me an e-mail with:

A write up of your covert deeds
Pictures demonstrating your cunning, guile, and evidence of your superiority over your humans

Send your write ups and pictures to: meeshkaworld@gmail.com
or if you blog, send me the link to your blog where you list your HULA qualifications and if you are lucky, you too will be a member of the Elite HULA Hoop!

Your entries will be scrutinized for completeness and posted if you are worthy. Your certificate will be e-mailed to you.

For examples, please refer to current HULA members who are listed on the right hand side of my blog (scroll down... keep scrolling... keeeeep scrolling... there!)

Meeshka

Subtle Hint

Five days ago the Human Woman came home and pronounced that she had a glorious five days off. Fantastic for us because that meant she could wait on us hand and foot and play with us, and generally do our bidding.

We're on Day Five right now. When she said that she planned on lounging around in sleepy pants for five days, we just assumed that meant 5 pairs of sleepy pants, and not one general ensemble for the whole five days, and there would be some bathing involved somewhere along the line. I mean its fine for Huskies to go months, if not years, without a bath because we are self cleaning (and scotch-guarded) but humans tend to reek after a few days of not slathering the foaming stinky faux flower soap stuff on them.

It wasn't so bad days 1-4, but it finally got cold enough for the house heat to turn on, and frankly we thought something tasty had died in the heater, then we got up close to her... uh huh.

Meeshka

Thanksgiving

Its all about the giving... so give me more turkey please.

Meeshka's Believe it or Claw

Sometimes I get questions about my life that I've been meaning to answer.

Today's question is: Do you call Sam "spineless" because he's scared of things?

I use to think that Sam was too stupid to be scared of anything, but I've changed my mind over the past few years, and now see him as an evil genius. Evil in a good husky way, and a genius because he has figured out how to have the humans lift him onto the bed, carry him off the bed, feed him in bed (whenever he doesn't feel like being lifted off the bed), carried down stairs, and catered to like a king.

Of course all of this came at a price, and for Sam that has meant 3 surgeries. You see, the reason I call Sam "spineless" is because he doesn't have a spine. Yep, it was removed a few years ago. Ok, not the entire spine, but the way he acts, you would think he didn't have one, because he spends most of his time on the sleep number bed (having been lifted onto it by the humans) and being catered to hand and foot.

On top of that, when he was a tiny pup, he had his hip replaced with a bionic part. Sam will never get through TSA screening (although I'm sure he'd enjoy the groping) with that hunk of metal in him, and then he had his knee repaired when he tore stuff in there after trying to run in the yard (that's what he gets for laying in bed all the time). On top of everything else, Sam has one front leg and one back leg that is shorter than the other legs, so he always looks like he's walking with one side on the curb and the other off the curb.

In a nutshell, Sam is a medical mess.

So, that's why he's spineless: he doesn't have one.

Sam also has the amazing ability to poo using only one leg. I keep trying to sell him off as a circus side show freak, but no takers so far. I guess he learned it from the myriad of surgeries, but Sam will balance on one front leg, lift his other leg and back end off the ground and poo. I'm thinking that's worth the price of admission right there.

To make him even more of a freak of nature, Sam will only poo if he can poo on SOMETHING.

Sam will poo on a stick:

Sam will poo on a pile of leaves:

Sam will poo on the Mutatoe:







Needless to say, Mutatoe is never thrilled when that happens, but it is funny.

Believe it, or claw

Meeshka

Seriously?

I'm sure all of you dear readers are aware that I play a bit rough.  I'm a husky, rough is how we like it! 

Given that I'm not allowed to play with the delicate and easily breakable Spineless Bionic Hip/knee pup Sam, and that the Mutatoe screams like a scalded weasel and runs to the Human Woman if I even look at him sideways.  When I first landed in this house, I was suppose to be the trusted companion of the Nova Old Guy-Guy, but he was so creaky that I couldn't sufficiently play with him either, which left me with the Human Woman.

She's worthless for being chased or chasing, and she's horrible at ricocheting off furniture unless I push her down, which still isn't graceful, but it sure is funny.  We also play a game where she "hides" and I walk by her, "oblivious" to her presence until she jumps out and "scares" me, and I run away.  Yeah, yeah, that's all fine and good, but a husky needs to wrestle!  I need a victim... I mean playmate, that I can grab by the scruff of the neck, throw down, and stomp on... and she bleeds too easy and screams.

The other night we got going with a round of "I'm going to bite your arm for touching my freakin feet", and she was whining and complaining (and bleeding all over the place) right after we started.  That sure puts a damper on play time... but she said she had a fantastic idea and left the room.  When she came back, she was wearing oven mitts!

Seriously?  Oven mitts?  You're going to attack me wearing oven mitts?  How can I play with something that's wearing oven mitts?  It really takes away from the danger and intrigue when the victim is wearing big fluffy oven mitts, and I certainly couldn't concentrate on severing a finger when the oven mitts smelled like all sorts of tasty past cooked foods and gunk.

I'm trying to convince her that she should also don some steak shin guards.

Veteran's Day

Today we honor the human men and woman who have served our great country to ensure its freedom.  Without their sacrifices, we would not be the free nation that we are today for all humans and pupkind (and catkind).

We also celebrate and honor those brave soldier dogs who also served, fought, and sacrificed their lives so that others can be free (and pampered by their humans).

The Gimpy gang and your queen would like to honor United States Marine Corps Corporal Rex Ahlbin, a decorated war dog that fought at Guadalcanal

A decorated war hero, Rex was a combat dog who served with the US Marine Corps during World War II. Rex served with the US 3rd Marine Division during the Battle of Empress Augusta Bay at Bougainville Island in 1943. Rex, a two-year-old Doberman, warned of the presence of Japanese soldiers near a Marine position, enabling Marines to fend off a later attack. Rex also served with the Marine Corps during the Guadalcanal campaign and at the Battle of Tinian. For his service, Rex was promoted to the rank of corporal by the Marine Corps in 1944.  (Wikipedia)

Rex is buried at the historic Rosa Bonheur Memorial Park located in Elkridge, Maryland.  My humans had the honor of helping to restore this cemetery when it fell into disarray from lack of upkeep.

On Memorial Day of 2006, they arranged for Rex's family to attend a ceremony honoring their beloved war dog and later, member of their family.

We salute Rex and all of the other brave War Dogs on this veteran's day!

Meeshka

A Call To Claws

I'm sure a lot of you have heard the horrendous news that a company has finally figured out how to roll that tasty toilet paper food without the cardboard roll.  While I'm particular to the actual meat of the roll, the news has hit Spineless Bionic Hip Knee pup Sam hard, as he LOVES the cardboard tube.  Because I can't stand to listen to him whine and complain about this new innovation, I'm calling all pups and kits to claws to stop this outrage. 

Humans; before you get rid of this "needless waste of paper product", I would like to remind you of all those cute videos you've shot with your pup or kit playing with the cardboard tube.  No more cute little moments of fun because your pup or kit will be taking prozac and watching Oprah because they have had their one cheap joy in life ripped from them.

No more fun crafts with your human bipedal kids anymore either.  No more cute little dog crafts with the kiddies because you selfishly wanted that last tiny, itty, bitty shred of toilet paper that got glued to the roll.  The cleanliness of your po-po is more important than spending some bonding time with your kid making cute little toilet roll crafts.  I'd like to point out to you that if you had some fur down there you wouldn't need toilet paper, but you do need it and that tiny little shred of toilet paper left on the roll certainly won't give you the deep down clean you need or save enough money to get back the quality time you would have spent with your kid who is now in therapy for neglect.

Sure, go ahead and get rid of those toilet paper rolls... ruin your relationships, traumatize your pets, and put your children into a parentless stupor while you go wipe your po-po with that newly found .0003 micrometer of glueless toilet paper.  Be that way.

Meeshka

Working Dogs

This morning I hacked into my human woman's facebook and saw she was complaining about the fact that she was downstairs and her coffee was upstairs.  Typical.

What was disturbing was that some of her "friends" were suggesting that she teach her huskies (namely ME, since the other two are worthless and gimpy) to go fetch her coffee.  Seriously?  First its all about pulling a stupid sled when they have 2 trucks and a motorcycle, and now they expect me to go fetch her coffee when her feeble and addled mind makes her forget that she just made a cup and walked off without it?

This whole "Working Dog" breed thing is out of control.  Its as if they just made up the title so they wouldn't have to be responsible for anything.  I would have voted that Siberian Huskies be the "Really Fluffy Laying on a Cold Air Vent" breed, but apparently I wasn't allowed to vote.

Since I'm apparently stuck with the "Working Breed" title, I was napping... I mean thinking really hard about what sort of work I would actually be qualified to do, and then it came to me:  Search and Rescue.

Well, maybe not rescue, but I'm really good at searching for stuff, like used kleenex, candy wrappers, and an entire roast left unattended on a counter.  There are some limitations to our work though.  We're very good at finding balls or other toys that are thrown by humans...

... we're just not very good at actually bringing the thrown thing back, so if the humans wanted us to find things, they'd need to keep up with us, because once we found the thing, well... there's other things to sniff around for, so we'd be off to find that gloriously stinky dead thing to roll in (unless of course the thing they wanted us to find was the gloriously stinky dead thing, and I would have to guess that building a murder case when we've rolled in their evidence would be a bit problematic).

I would also like to add that unless the thing they wanted us to find was tasty and stinky, we probably wouldn't work too hard to find it, therefore if you want us to find a lost child, make sure the lost child is holding a piece of steak, or a used kleenex.  It would also help if you threw the lost child holding a piece of steak a short distance, as we get distracted by other things easily and may actually find a rotting woodchuck that was closer.

Meeshka

A Reply to Joe Sestak

Another stupid human is blaming dogs for the current mess in my country:



Dear Mr. Sestak:

We dogs never asked you to clean up our poop.

Our poop is a natural fertilizer that gives plants and grass
the nutrients they need to grow and flourish.  If left alone, our poop will create lovely fields that you humans can walk through and enjoy nature at its finest (just clean off your shoes before you get in your car, or learn how not to step in it).

But you humans think you are so much smarter than dogs, and insist that our poop be picked up.  Instead of allowing us dogs to naturally fertilize your lands and eat tasty small critters that you end up poisoning (along with your water), you demand that other humans put our natural fertilizers in non-biodegradable bags that leech toxic chemicals into the ground and clog up landfills and stink.

You think you know it all, you think you're helping when all you do is make a bigger mess and then blame us... the dogs!

Humans need to learn to LEAVE THINGS ALONE!  Eventually from poop comes a nice tree, but if you keep meddling in everything, you'll just make things worse.  Why don't all of you just go home and play with your dogs and stop worrying about everyone else's dogs and for the love of GAH stop "cleaning" everything!

This message is not paid for by any stupid human and is on behalf of Meeshka, Queen of everything including the air vent in the bedroom, and I approve this message.