Car Ride Roulette

Once again the Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog Sammy went in the car and came back gloating about how now he has three women doing his massage and warm toasty laser treatments, and about how all three of them were feeding him tasty treats while we were stuck at home.

After lunch, the Human Woman took Loki Mutatoe in the car.  This is truly unfair!  I totally expected him to come back with stories of being massaged on a nice cushy bed and being fed treats.

Apparently not.

The Human Woman said that my turn is next week.

I'm rethinking this whole "fun" car ride thing.

- Meeshka

My Trip to the Vet

I knew this was coming because I overheard the Human Woman tell the Human Man that she had to take me to the vet for my rabies vaccine and (gasp) nail clipping.

Thankfully the weather was horrendous.  Torrential downpour of rain at the very moment we had to leave for the vet.  I set about my diabolical plan of refusing to get into the truck.  No amount of bribing, cajoling, or threatening would get me into the truck... until I was sufficiently wet.

It is well known in the Siberian Husky world that we huskies have amazing double coats.  The scotch-guarded top coat that allows us to wallow in mud and yet just shake it off, and the downy soft undercoat that comes out in clumps during our shedding season (which lasts approximately 364 days a year).

If we stay out in the rain long enough, all of that water soaks into our downy undercoat and stays there like a giant sponge.  If we loaded up with enough water, we could slowly trot across the largest desert and still be damp and hydrated when we got to the other side.

Once I was sufficiently loaded up with water, I then jumped into the back of the truck... and waited.

Yes, you have to choose your moments wisely.  Too early and the water distribution is not sufficient enough for a reaction.  Too late and the torrent of water is wasted... you must wait until the Human Woman is buckled into the driver's seat, and preferably when she's on a busy highway and concentrating really hard... and then you shake.

The containment of the truck, the closed windows all make for the perfect environment for the spray of cold hairy shake water.  It's best if you can position yourself in the middle of the front seats for the best effect.

Then you laugh and laugh

This also means that once you arrive at your destination, you are dry and pretty, while the Human Woman...

... not so much.

I made sure to make my disdain for the place known with a very well placed poo, which was immediately gathered in a green plastic bag and given to the person at the front desk.  I can only assume that my poo is so precious that it is used as a form of payment and explains why the Human Woman gathers it daily.

As usual, I was forced into a horrible little room that smelled of other dogs who had undergone horrendous procedures, like temperature taking, and teeth looking, and even ... finger in the po-po.

I asked politely if I could leave... and was denied.

I was dragged, screaming, to the back room of torture.  You must scream before they do the procedures, because it keeps them off-guard and they feel bad for making you scream... and it also warns other dogs from miles around that this is the place where bad things happen.

With my precious and well sharpened claws clipped, I was escorted back to the little room where they listened to me breath, poked me in the po-po, then jabbed me with a sharp needle.

I was then taken to the shop of many good smells and encouraged to pick out something special.  I can only surmise that this offer was out of pure guilt, and that by refusing everything offered to me caused the Human Woman even more guilt.  It is worth not having a new chewbone to cause her more anguish.

She finally took me home where I was questioned and sniffed by the Mutatoe and Bionic Hip, Knee, Spineless Underwater Treadmill dog Sam.  I told them of the horrors of my trip and warned them against going anywhere with the Human Woman.  Sam scoffed and said that all of his trips out were relaxing and fun... he is clearly delusional.

Thankfully I am strong enough to overcome such attempts to diminish my dignity.

You will have to try harder Human Woman and I shall defeat you every time!

- Meeshka

If It Quacks Like A Duck

Lately the bionic hip/knee pup Sam has been having problems getting up and down the stairs.  I think he just wants to be carried, but since he's slim on original parts, it could be that his warranty has run out and things are malfunctioning in there.  He does have a rather unique way of simply flinging himself down the stairs that is highly amusing... unless you happen to be at the bottom of the stairs when he comes barreling down.

To help him up and down the stairs, the Human Woman bought him a harness with a handle on it from those awesome folks over at Tripawds.  It's called "The Web Master" and for a while he thought that he would turn into the amazing Spider Dog when he put it on.  He's a bit delusional.

Of course the Human Woman has a name for it.  It can't simply be "the harness" because the Human Woman is also a bit delusional, and will probably soon be on an episode of Hoarders for her rabid purse addiction.

Yep, it's got a handle and carries something, so she calls it the Sammy purse.  Oh the woomanity!

I have to admit, it sorta does look like a purse

Meeshka's Believe it or Claw

Sometimes I get questions about my life that I've been meaning to answer.

Today's question is: Do you call Sam "spineless" because he's scared of things?

I use to think that Sam was too stupid to be scared of anything, but I've changed my mind over the past few years, and now see him as an evil genius. Evil in a good husky way, and a genius because he has figured out how to have the humans lift him onto the bed, carry him off the bed, feed him in bed (whenever he doesn't feel like being lifted off the bed), carried down stairs, and catered to like a king.

Of course all of this came at a price, and for Sam that has meant 3 surgeries. You see, the reason I call Sam "spineless" is because he doesn't have a spine. Yep, it was removed a few years ago. Ok, not the entire spine, but the way he acts, you would think he didn't have one, because he spends most of his time on the sleep number bed (having been lifted onto it by the humans) and being catered to hand and foot.

On top of that, when he was a tiny pup, he had his hip replaced with a bionic part. Sam will never get through TSA screening (although I'm sure he'd enjoy the groping) with that hunk of metal in him, and then he had his knee repaired when he tore stuff in there after trying to run in the yard (that's what he gets for laying in bed all the time). On top of everything else, Sam has one front leg and one back leg that is shorter than the other legs, so he always looks like he's walking with one side on the curb and the other off the curb.

In a nutshell, Sam is a medical mess.

So, that's why he's spineless: he doesn't have one.

Sam also has the amazing ability to poo using only one leg. I keep trying to sell him off as a circus side show freak, but no takers so far. I guess he learned it from the myriad of surgeries, but Sam will balance on one front leg, lift his other leg and back end off the ground and poo. I'm thinking that's worth the price of admission right there.

To make him even more of a freak of nature, Sam will only poo if he can poo on SOMETHING.

Sam will poo on a stick:

Sam will poo on a pile of leaves:

Sam will poo on the Mutatoe:







Needless to say, Mutatoe is never thrilled when that happens, but it is funny.

Believe it, or claw

Meeshka

Never a dull moment

So, this weekend has been... weird.

The human man bought an expensive and VERY loud toy that they call "Vroomy" (apparently that's what the human woman calls it, the human man apparently doesn't like that name, but has yet to come up with anything else, so Vroomy it is), and he's been out riding it. I think its some kind of horse with horrible flatulence, as it sounds horrible and could probably use some tums or something.

The human woman was very kind to go out and buy me a new 24 inch iMac so that I didn't have to squint at the tiny laptop screen anymore. I fully expect her to leave the laptop in my crate during the day so that I can cruise the interwebs and order good chewy toys online while she's making money to support my chew toy addiction, but she said something like "um, no freakin way", which to me means "um, sure, let me run a cat 5 cable up here in case the wi fi goes out".

So, with the human woman still fully booted from the Wii incident, the human man off on his gaseous horse thing, what better way to spend the day than having a stupid fight. Loki tried jumping on the bed, but his ample ass weighed him down, so he fell pretty close to Spineless Bionic Hip puppy (good thing he didn't land on Spineless Bionic Hip puppy because Sam would have been crushed under the massive weight of the Ample Mutatoe ass). Mutatoe was all bent out of shape, having just been brushed by the bored human woman, so he took the fall and his combing out on Sam, who wasn't going to take any of his crap, which meant the human woman is screaming and pulling Mutatoe off of Sammywinks, losing balance because of the boot, flailing and screaming ensued, nobody got hurt (amazingly enough) and I had a good show from the safety of the bed.

The good thing about all of this is that the human woman thought I was "such a good girl" (said: such a goooood giiiiiiirrrrrrrl) about not wading into the stupid fight that she sat on the bed with me and held my chewy bone for me. hehehe, she's such a sucker.

Meeshka

P.S. I forgot to mention that I got to maul Indy's human woman and human man when they came to visit yesterday. I think that Mutatoe left a pee mail for Indy on them before they left.