Friday, May 30, 2008

My not so excellent adventure

Ok, so yesterday morning it was business as usual, EXCEPT the human woman forgot to feed us!!! Can you believe that? She went about her usual business of getting ready for work and didn't even feed us. I couldn't believe it and I clawed her a few times to kick start that slow morning brain of hers, but no amount of clawing or coffee would get her to remember to put food in our bowls. This whole slavery to the opposable thumbs has to stop! I held out hope that the meager portion of goodies in my morning kong bone would sustain me until lunch.

Around the time that the humans normally give us kong bones, they herded the gimpies outdoors and got my harness and leash! Oh goody, we're going out for breakfast and the gimpies will just starve, I'm all for that. So I pranced and woo'd all cute and got my harness on while the Mutatoe was outside screaming like a banshee and beating on the back door. Hehe, starve Mutatoe, I'm going out for breakfast!

We got in the truck and off we went. I was thinking in my head all of the goodies that I would order. I've heard so much about scrambled eggs and bacon that I thought I'd try that as an appetizer and move on to the more substantial stuff.

We passed every food place there was, and no amount of woo'ing or stomping of my delicate little feet (or clawing) would get them to turn around. Instead, we turned into... THE VET PLACE! Ok, maybe they were serving breakfast there.

I went inside and got introduced to that stupid black lab stuffed dog that kicked the Mutatoe's ample ass. I didn't fool me at all (I have pictures to prove it if the human woman would get off her ample ass and download them). They put me on the scale and I'm still a svelte 70 lbs.

Another human came around and put something stupid around my neck that had my name written on it. Um, this collar is NOT bling at all, please remove it. But instead, the humans let this other human put another collar around my neck, took off my harness and then I was dragged, kicking and screaming (ok, they told me I'd get treats in the back room so I went willingly) into the back room. The humans left me. What is going on here?

I spent most of the day in a horrible little crate room thing, and there was no room service at all, even though I asked everyone that walked by to send me up some nice eggs and bacon. Finally they came to get me and I expected a lovely brunch, as it was getting late, but no, they stuck me in the leg with something and I fell asleep. I have no idea how long I was out, but when I woke up my mouth hurt and MY CLAWS WERE GONE!!!!

Oh, this is simply ridiculous! Sure my teeth needed cleaning but did they have to thwart my super-dog claw power?

No lunch, and finally the humans came to get me, I literally dragged the vet woman to the front room and begged the humans to take me home and feed me. I overheard them say something about waiting an hour after I got home before feeding me, and I just scoffed at that idea. I'd claw the human woman immediately upon entering the house and demand my food.

We got home and the gimpies sniffed me all over, annoyingly so, I ran out into the yard and took a poo because I really had to go, seriously, all day, nobody asked if I needed to go out. On top of not eating I had to hold it.

The human woman was walking around doing house stuff so I gave her a claw to remind her that hello, I'm hungry, give me food... nothing. Clawed again. Its like I'm a declawed cat or something, my claws have no power anymore! Didn't even leave a mark on her bare skin. This is horrible! She laughed at me!

An hour after I got home I got my meager portion of food, nothing special to welcome me home, or sympathy food. I got a pill shoved down my throat, no livergreat or nothing. After I ate, I was just too exhausted to argue any more, so I stalked off and went to bed. Stupid humans.

This morning I did get my pill in livergreat, so I forgive the human woman for that, but still, no claws. How will I rule the world without my claw of fear? Hmm, my teeth are nice and clean. So I dragged the human woman off her chair by the arm. Yeah, that will do until I can cultivate another set of razor sharp talons.

Thanks to Turbo for keeping the world under control while I was out of it, I'll take back the mantle of power again now. Of course until I get my weapons back, I'll lead by the power of very bright teeth.

Meeshka
(clawless, but still fluffy)

9 comments:

Tracey and Huffle said...

My claws are ready to take up the challenge! No-one is ever allowed to clip my claws, even though mum suggests it to dad about three times a week. He has more sense and keeps saying no. Can we see a photo of your lovely teeth?

Huffle Mawson, Honorary Husky and Explorer Cat

The Brat Pack said...

What the hell? They're trying to steal what little power we have. We need to revolt.

Bear

Khyra The Siberian Husky said...

BUT they will grow bakhk - and thikher and sharper than before!

WOO - just be patient -

The human woman will get khomplacent - and one day

WOO WILL SLASH AND GASH!

Hugz&Khysses,
Khyra

cyber-sibes said...

What an ordeal. You so need to be taken out for breakfast, for everything they put you through. How dare she laugh, there will be hell to pay when your claws grow back!

I don't trust those vet places anymore, not after Sherman walked in but he never walked out. :(
I heard rumors my claws are getting clipped next week....we'll see.

Wooos,
Star
and the Jack a-roo, who is so gullible he holds still while his claws are clipped.

The Army of Four said...

Wowzers. It's like when Samson met up with that Delilah babe. I hope they grow back in fast, and full of POWER! You're still our queen, regardless.
Play bows,
Zim

Simcha said...

With your weapons now disabled, you will need to learn fine art of Siberian fwappage.

Simcha

Sitka and Tia's BLAWG! said...

Meeshka,
Once again, I am sorry that your nice razor sharp claws were shortened. The human woman will really get it when they get sharp again, won't she?
Hugs.
Sitka

Kapp pack said...

I feel your pain! Maybe you need some claw extensions?

Woo woo, KA

Abby said...

Hi, Meeshka...

I just wanted to stop by & say Hi...You are a very handsome doggie...

I love your Blog...Come visit me some time...

Abby xxxooo