Sammy Freak Out

Well, it's been an exciting couple of weeks here in Meeshka's World.

Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog, Sam, decided that he wanted to freak out the Humans and get some attention.  I don't know why he feels he doesn't get any attention... none of us get lifted on and off the bed, or get to wear an embarrassing purse and helped up and down the stairs.  The Humans even hold him up when he takes a poo, so I'm pretty sure he gets more than his fair share of attention...

He clearly broke the rules as I was having a bit of gastro-intestinal upset because the Human Man kept dropping tasty almonds on the kitchen floor and let's just say... they didn't agree with me.  So, while I'm screeching to be let out every half hour at all hours of the day and night... Sam up and does this:

Yep, out of the blue, for no apparent reason, Sam started having nosebleeds!

Now, I know a bit about dogs and nosebleeds, and NOTHING good comes from that.  It only seemed to happen every time they forced him to go down the stairs to potty.  Sam hates the stairs.  Sam HATES the stairs, and he'll go to every length to avoid going down them, but this was a bit ridiculous if you ask me.  It was only bleeding in the right nostril for some reason.

So, they whisked Sam off to one vet, who thought he saw a little scratch up his right nostril.  Then they whisked him off to the regular vet who verified that it was only coming out of the right nostril, but couldn't see anything (probably because Sam doesn't like people messing with his nose, but anyway), so they stole some blood and gave him antibiotics to take.

Then on Tuesday the Humans whisked him off to the vet without any food and he spent the day taking a nap, getting x-rays and having his nasty teeth cleaned.
The vet thought that perhaps he had a nasty tooth that was invading his sinus, but the x-rays came back and...

NOTHING.

No sign of tumors (the biggest fear), no sign of dental encroachment... nothing.  No reason for his nose to bleed, AT.ALL.

Sigh... meanwhile I'm on a bland diet... actually we all are because when one suffers, we all suffer.

So, Tuesday night, Mr. Self Importance comes home all zonked out.

Dude... I'm so stoned

His breath is a lot better now, but if the Humans try to force him down the stairs and stress him out... he may have a nose bleed, so they've been very nice at bribing him to go down the stairs with treats and praise and blah blah, seriously?

Meanwhile I'm starving on this bland diet... more on that in another blog post because there's no way I'm sharing my misery with Sam.

He's much better, in case you were all worried.  He goes to his massage every other week still and this morning he was so pleased with his poop that he skittered all the way into the house looking like a spaz.

-Meeshka

Car Ride Roulette

Once again the Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog Sammy went in the car and came back gloating about how now he has three women doing his massage and warm toasty laser treatments, and about how all three of them were feeding him tasty treats while we were stuck at home.

After lunch, the Human Woman took Loki Mutatoe in the car.  This is truly unfair!  I totally expected him to come back with stories of being massaged on a nice cushy bed and being fed treats.

Apparently not.

The Human Woman said that my turn is next week.

I'm rethinking this whole "fun" car ride thing.

- Meeshka

Sam's Spa Days

Just to show you how unfair my life is... I told you about how I went to the vet and got poked, prodded, and my precious nails stolen from me, and how the Human Woman pays for all of this torture with my poo.

When I mentioned the horrible trip to Mutatoe and Spineless Bionic Hip, Kneee... oh good gah, too many maladies to list Sam, he told me that he LOVED going on his car rides because he gets massaged, pampered, plenty of treats, and some laser thing that was warm and felt good.

Harumpf... seriously?

But that all changed the other week when he came home from his spa to announce that he had been duped all this time!  No doubt the massage and warm laser thing was just a trick to get him comfortable for THIS!

Holy Mother of everything wrong, what is this thing I'm in???

No, there must be a horrible mistake, I'm suppose to be in the dimly lit room with soothing music getting my massage and warm laser, let me out!

OHMYGAH!  There's water!  WATER IS FILLING THE TANK EVERYONE GET OUT!

CAN'T YOU SEE THE WATER, WE'LL ALL DROWN!!

HELP!!!!

HELP ME, STOP LAUGHING THS ISN'T FUNNY!!!

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?????

Oh yeah, he was NOT happy at all when he came home and told me all about the horror.

He did everything possible except call the SPCA on the Human Woman the next week she dragged him out of the house and to the watery icky treadmill.

"It's for your well-being, it will make you stronger and happier" she kept saying.

Well... the second week he came home and pretty much threw himself in his crate and wouldn't move.  he was really creaky (angry) and sore.

The Human Woman didn't seem to bat an eyelash at it the first 2 days, but when he didn't seem any better by day 3... or 5... she got all concerned and worried and fretted and freaked out.

When Friday rolled around, she dragged poor Spineless out to the truck again, but this time he came back all happy again.  Apparently the underwater treadmill torture is too much for his gimpy body, and so he's back to getting his massages and warm laser.

Well played Sam... well played!

- Meeshka

My Trip to the Vet

I knew this was coming because I overheard the Human Woman tell the Human Man that she had to take me to the vet for my rabies vaccine and (gasp) nail clipping.

Thankfully the weather was horrendous.  Torrential downpour of rain at the very moment we had to leave for the vet.  I set about my diabolical plan of refusing to get into the truck.  No amount of bribing, cajoling, or threatening would get me into the truck... until I was sufficiently wet.

It is well known in the Siberian Husky world that we huskies have amazing double coats.  The scotch-guarded top coat that allows us to wallow in mud and yet just shake it off, and the downy soft undercoat that comes out in clumps during our shedding season (which lasts approximately 364 days a year).

If we stay out in the rain long enough, all of that water soaks into our downy undercoat and stays there like a giant sponge.  If we loaded up with enough water, we could slowly trot across the largest desert and still be damp and hydrated when we got to the other side.

Once I was sufficiently loaded up with water, I then jumped into the back of the truck... and waited.

Yes, you have to choose your moments wisely.  Too early and the water distribution is not sufficient enough for a reaction.  Too late and the torrent of water is wasted... you must wait until the Human Woman is buckled into the driver's seat, and preferably when she's on a busy highway and concentrating really hard... and then you shake.

The containment of the truck, the closed windows all make for the perfect environment for the spray of cold hairy shake water.  It's best if you can position yourself in the middle of the front seats for the best effect.

Then you laugh and laugh

This also means that once you arrive at your destination, you are dry and pretty, while the Human Woman...

... not so much.

I made sure to make my disdain for the place known with a very well placed poo, which was immediately gathered in a green plastic bag and given to the person at the front desk.  I can only assume that my poo is so precious that it is used as a form of payment and explains why the Human Woman gathers it daily.

As usual, I was forced into a horrible little room that smelled of other dogs who had undergone horrendous procedures, like temperature taking, and teeth looking, and even ... finger in the po-po.

I asked politely if I could leave... and was denied.

I was dragged, screaming, to the back room of torture.  You must scream before they do the procedures, because it keeps them off-guard and they feel bad for making you scream... and it also warns other dogs from miles around that this is the place where bad things happen.

With my precious and well sharpened claws clipped, I was escorted back to the little room where they listened to me breath, poked me in the po-po, then jabbed me with a sharp needle.

I was then taken to the shop of many good smells and encouraged to pick out something special.  I can only surmise that this offer was out of pure guilt, and that by refusing everything offered to me caused the Human Woman even more guilt.  It is worth not having a new chewbone to cause her more anguish.

She finally took me home where I was questioned and sniffed by the Mutatoe and Bionic Hip, Knee, Spineless Underwater Treadmill dog Sam.  I told them of the horrors of my trip and warned them against going anywhere with the Human Woman.  Sam scoffed and said that all of his trips out were relaxing and fun... he is clearly delusional.

Thankfully I am strong enough to overcome such attempts to diminish my dignity.

You will have to try harder Human Woman and I shall defeat you every time!

- Meeshka

Pupdate

Yes, yes, yes, I know, it's been FOREVER since I've posted... sorry, been very busy, plus the human woman refused to move the computer near the cold air vent.  eeesh.

So... what's been going on.

Fleas for one.  Stupid things.  Can't get rid of them.  Ticks too.  It's the start of some kind of dogpocalypse or something I fear.  Ok, I blame the weather people for not giving us enough snow to kill those things off these past few years.  I better see some snow this year... just sayin.

The Spineless Bionic Hip, Knee dog, Sam, broke again.

This time they really thought he broke something important and expensive.  Luckily he just twerked his non-bionic hip and knee... or was that tweaked... I get those mixed up.

So, he was sequestered down in the official recovery room with the Human Man, and pampered like I should be getting pampered.

I told him that I knew he was making more of a deal out of it than he was acting, but he bribed me to keep quiet.  Hey, I'll take that.

Then the Human Man got sickly, so it was two sickly pack members downstairs and I was stuck upstairs with the Human Woman and the Mutatoe... ugh.  He took up the whole bed!

The Human Woman took us both for a walk to get us out of the house... probably to try to flee the horrible germs percolating in that house.

Then I decided that there was no way, no how, not ever, ever, ever I was EVER going to go into the yard again because the Human Woman hadn't "picked up" in a while.

Ok, seriously humans, you flush the porcelain water bowl every time you "go" into it, why is it so hard to "flush" our yard once in a blue moon?  Huh?

Since I refused to go in the yard, and apparently pooping on the deck is abso-fricken-lootly out of the question (per the Human Woman), the humans took matters into their own hands... meaning they put my harness on me and tried to convince me that leash walking me in the yard was the same as "taking a walk".  I was not fooled.

Two things came out of this incident:

1.) The Human Woman is very quick with cleaning the yard every day, and

2.) They got to try a new leash on me, which I'll be reviewing in my next post tomorrow, so stay tuned, you won't want to miss that festival of fun.

- Meeshka

Surprise, It's Nothing Serious

Yep, nothing horrible or serious, or even notable actually.

Not only was I able to freak out my humans, but apparently half of the entire world... which is why I'm the Queen.

Oh sure I'm getting old, and because I'm getting old I can manipulate my blood work to make it seem as though I either have a horrible internal organ tumor thing, or the horrible C word... or I could just be old and have 1 wacky value and strained my neck causing me to limp.

Yep, that's it.  I hurt my neck.  Don't ask how.  I blame the vet people for holding me down to trim my feety feets.  The Human Woman seems to recall that I was totally fine after the vet and three days after the vet, and only started acting dramatic after going out to pee and perhaps I slipped on the deck stairs.  IMPOSSIBLE!  I am stealth!  I am poetry in motion!  I don't fall down the stairs, or up the stairs for the matter... never... not EVER... ok, maybe I might have, but still, it hurts.

Yep, they didn't take any X-rays because they would have to make me sleepy, and sometimes that makes things worse because you are all limp and flopping around and if there's something going on in the neck sometimes flopping around makes it bad, so they suggested a shot of steroids in the butt, then 7 days of icky Pred pills and see what that does.

So, it's like 11 gazilionity degrees outside, I'm on Pred which makes me thirsty, there's fireworks going off all the time because of some sort of Independence Day thing (um, humans are not independent, we OWN them, duh), and frankly there's been a lot of peeing in the house.  Oh yeah, I'm not ashamed to say that I'd much rather pee on the carpet than go out in the blast furnace of explosions.  The beauty of it all... the Humans don't mind.  They just follow along with the steam cleaner and tell me what a good girl I am.  I KNOW!  Isn't that funny!

So, sorry to totally freak you all out, but it's my job as a working breed.

Oh, and if you are cruising my blog and see some pictures that aren't showing up, that's because some humans are stealing my pictures and the Human Woman's pictures and claiming them as their own, so they're hidden for now until we can splash a big honking © on everything... sorta like digitally marking our territory but in this case, a steam cleaner won't take out the mark.  Some people are stupid... as my friend Turbo always says.

- Meeshka

My Most Excellent Vet Trip (sorta)

On Saturday I got to go for a ride in the newly remodeled Husky RAV. Its about time the human woman took out those back seats and made it purely MY chariot for rides to cool places, but so far the only place I've been was to the vet this weekend. I need to make it clear to her that going to the vet does not count as a cool ride.

I thought for sure that I'd be scott free, what with the human woman incompacitated by the stupid boot thing, but she was still able to drag me into the clinic and into a room. I didn't want to go, I know what they do there and its not pleasant at all. The human man had to step out of the room to take a phone call just as they rudely put a thermometer in a place where things aren't suppose to go in, only out. I screamed really loud and scared the human man who thought I was being skinned alive.

You will be pleased to know two things:
1.) I am down to a svelte 65 pounds thanks to my fat burning regimine of laying on the air vent and starving to death on the meager amount of food the human woman put me on. My doctor was very concerned about the weight loss until the human woman explained that she had been starving me to death to make me lose weight. I thought for sure my trusty doctor would tell her to feed me more, but she didn't. I hate my vet now.

2.) I would not hold still and allow them to squirt that kennel cough crap up my nose. No amount of people laying on me (a total of 3) could get me to sit still for that nonsense. I was able to throw all of them off me and make a run for it, but I was connected to the human woman and dragging that fat load down a slippery vet clinic hallway was impossible. They ushered me back into the room and poked me with yet another needle.

They gave my human woman a vial to collect my poop to bring in, and frankly I'm not pleased at all with that. What's mine is mine and I won't let her have any. I've made it a point to poo as far away from the house as possible so she doesn't want to gimp out there in her boot and gather my precious poo.

After all that exertion you would think I would get some extra food or at the very least more cheese sprinkles than normal, but no, the meager portion of food. Come on human woman, I'm so thin I may just waste away if you don't up the caloric intake pretty soon.

Just to make sure she knew I wasn't happy about my "trip" I sat on her head at bedtime and refused to move. Tomorrow I'll claw her broken foot.

Meeshka

My not so excellent adventure

Ok, so yesterday morning it was business as usual, EXCEPT the human woman forgot to feed us!!! Can you believe that? She went about her usual business of getting ready for work and didn't even feed us. I couldn't believe it and I clawed her a few times to kick start that slow morning brain of hers, but no amount of clawing or coffee would get her to remember to put food in our bowls. This whole slavery to the opposable thumbs has to stop! I held out hope that the meager portion of goodies in my morning kong bone would sustain me until lunch.

Around the time that the humans normally give us kong bones, they herded the gimpies outdoors and got my harness and leash! Oh goody, we're going out for breakfast and the gimpies will just starve, I'm all for that. So I pranced and woo'd all cute and got my harness on while the Mutatoe was outside screaming like a banshee and beating on the back door. Hehe, starve Mutatoe, I'm going out for breakfast!

We got in the truck and off we went. I was thinking in my head all of the goodies that I would order. I've heard so much about scrambled eggs and bacon that I thought I'd try that as an appetizer and move on to the more substantial stuff.

We passed every food place there was, and no amount of woo'ing or stomping of my delicate little feet (or clawing) would get them to turn around. Instead, we turned into... THE VET PLACE! Ok, maybe they were serving breakfast there.

I went inside and got introduced to that stupid black lab stuffed dog that kicked the Mutatoe's ample ass. I didn't fool me at all (I have pictures to prove it if the human woman would get off her ample ass and download them). They put me on the scale and I'm still a svelte 70 lbs.

Another human came around and put something stupid around my neck that had my name written on it. Um, this collar is NOT bling at all, please remove it. But instead, the humans let this other human put another collar around my neck, took off my harness and then I was dragged, kicking and screaming (ok, they told me I'd get treats in the back room so I went willingly) into the back room. The humans left me. What is going on here?

I spent most of the day in a horrible little crate room thing, and there was no room service at all, even though I asked everyone that walked by to send me up some nice eggs and bacon. Finally they came to get me and I expected a lovely brunch, as it was getting late, but no, they stuck me in the leg with something and I fell asleep. I have no idea how long I was out, but when I woke up my mouth hurt and MY CLAWS WERE GONE!!!!

Oh, this is simply ridiculous! Sure my teeth needed cleaning but did they have to thwart my super-dog claw power?

No lunch, and finally the humans came to get me, I literally dragged the vet woman to the front room and begged the humans to take me home and feed me. I overheard them say something about waiting an hour after I got home before feeding me, and I just scoffed at that idea. I'd claw the human woman immediately upon entering the house and demand my food.

We got home and the gimpies sniffed me all over, annoyingly so, I ran out into the yard and took a poo because I really had to go, seriously, all day, nobody asked if I needed to go out. On top of not eating I had to hold it.

The human woman was walking around doing house stuff so I gave her a claw to remind her that hello, I'm hungry, give me food... nothing. Clawed again. Its like I'm a declawed cat or something, my claws have no power anymore! Didn't even leave a mark on her bare skin. This is horrible! She laughed at me!

An hour after I got home I got my meager portion of food, nothing special to welcome me home, or sympathy food. I got a pill shoved down my throat, no livergreat or nothing. After I ate, I was just too exhausted to argue any more, so I stalked off and went to bed. Stupid humans.

This morning I did get my pill in livergreat, so I forgive the human woman for that, but still, no claws. How will I rule the world without my claw of fear? Hmm, my teeth are nice and clean. So I dragged the human woman off her chair by the arm. Yeah, that will do until I can cultivate another set of razor sharp talons.

Thanks to Turbo for keeping the world under control while I was out of it, I'll take back the mantle of power again now. Of course until I get my weapons back, I'll lead by the power of very bright teeth.

Meeshka
(clawless, but still fluffy)

Ow My Claws

I'm still a bit goofed up on the sleepy juice and having NOT eaten all day until just now (a meager portion if you ask me), I'm a tad bit sleepy, so I'm going to not post about my NOT so exciting day out of the house until tomorrow.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm fine and my teeth are clean, and my sharp talons of doom have been taken from me... how can I punish my human woman when I bat her on the leg and its like hitting her with a soft, fluffy pillow????

More tomorrow, right now I need to nap on the human woman's head.

Meeshka
(while I'm out of commission, please note that Turbo is in charge of the world)

Meeshka's Big Adventure

Ok, it wasn't such a big adventure, I simply went to the vet and got poked, prodded, and abused.

It was fun (up until the poking and prodding) prancing out of the house while the gimpies screamed with jealousy from inside the house. Hey, they had their turns, so its only right that I get a chance to be chauffeured in my luxurious 4-runner, which I left in a very fluffy state.

I really do like the new clinic, all the interesting smells, and the owners have stupidly left a whole box of rawhide treats well within my reach. The human woman is wise to my exploits and pulled me away in time to save them from me.

I didn't get a chance to meet the stuffed lab dog that kicked Loki's ample ass, there was another dog that thought it was real and was barking at it, so I figured I wouldn't go over and destuff it in front of everyone. I did get to see another husky, who was certainly NOT breed standard by any stretch of the imagination, I'm guessing a pet store model. His owners had been basking in the admiration of the other humans until I sauntered into the place with my perfect fluffiness, and everyone literally ran over to me and told me how beautiful and fluffy I was. I allowed them to pet me, and even french kissed one woman, who seemed a bit shocked at how quick such a fluffy beauty such as myself could be.

Oddly enough they didn't have my own private exam room ready (an oversight on the vet place's part I'm sure) so we had to wait a bit for my exam. While all of the other dogs pulled and barked and jumped around and caused a ruckus, I simply lay down at the human woman's feet, crossed my little dainty front paws and watched all of the chaos and laughed to myself. What morons. I was so stylish in my blue harness and everyone watched me with adoration.

When it was my turn, they took me into a room and that's where the usual horrible things happened. I screamed really loud when they tried to put that nasty thermometer in my butt. I mean come on, that's just not right, but at least I was in a private room and nobody could see it happen, but I made sure that everyone KNEW that I was being tortured.

Apparently I'm going to have to get my teeth cleaned. They haven't been as white as they should be and some are giving me some issues. I don't know why I just can't wear those cool teeth whitening strips I see on tv, but apparently they'll have to knock me out and clean them for that deep down clean. I also heard the human woman mention something to the effect of "while she's out, clip her toenails". Um... excuse me? So, yes, there is apparently a plot to rid me of my lethal weapons when I can't protest.

Before they can clean my teeth and steal my weapons they had to take some blood from me, so I got to go with the vet tech person. I really didn't want to leave, but since she insisted, I left with her... then proceeded to introduce myself to every dog in every exam room, inspect all of their equipment, jump on tables that apparently held important things, and generally was a wonderful pest. My humans later said that all they could hear was "Meeshka, no, Meeshka leave that alone, Meeshka over here, no Meeshka, MEESHKA" while I was gone.

When I returned, I tried to leave, thinking all of that horrible stuff was over with, but no... I had to get my shots and that crap sprayed up my nose. I hate the stuff in the nose, didn't even feel the shots through all of my fluffy, but the nose thing! Like last year, I turned my head at the last minute but this time the human man got it right in the face. hehehe! They brought another one in and got me though.

While the human man paid the bill, I relaxed outside in the shade. Please note that in order to be a fashion model, you must be able to strike the same pose no matter what the location. This time I opted for a minor variation of the paw crossing, but nailed the behind the shoulder, slightly amused look once again.

Oh, I guess for some reason I need to mention that I weighed in at a very svelte 71 lbs. For some reason the humans gasped at this number and mentioned something about a diet again. I have noticed that my food portions have shrunk again. I guess I'll just have to steal some of the Mutatoe's food if they get serious about this diet thing. If anyone needs to lose some weight off his ample ass, its the Mutatoe.

Meeshka

The Fearless Mutatoe

Yesterday the sneaky humans herded Sam and I to our crates, tried to bribe us with stuffed kongs so we wouldn't notice them taking the Mutatoe out on his harness and leash. We were not fooled at all, and did our best to let them know that we were not at all pleased with being left at home while Mutatoe got to go someplace. We made sure to scream and howl pitifully until we heard their truck drive away. None of the neighbors even bothered to come save us even though we could be heard outside.

After what seemed like forever, the Mutatoe and humans came back, with Mutatoe smelling like the vet place. Oh, ok. I thought he was going someplace fun and exciting. He was very excited about his trip to the vet, where the humans held him down, stuck stuff up his butt, poked him with needles and squirted fluid in his nose (yeah, sounds like a hoot, doesn't it?) The exciting part was the fight that he got into while at the vet.

From what the Mutatoe said, there was this really stuck up black Labrador standing in the waiting room. Mutatoe said that he cautiously approached the Lab, wagging his tail in greeting and sniffed the Lab's privates in the universal doggie shaking of hands, but the Lab didn't have any parts down there! He said that the lack of parts really threw him off, so he postured and tried to dominate the Lab by putting his head on the Lab's neck, but the Lab started moving after him and made this strange "woof" noise throwing his voice to make it sound like the human man actually made the noise. Mutatoe told us that the Lab was challenging him to a fight so he play bowed the Lab and kicked his butt to make it known that he was not a Mutatoe to be pushed around. Everyone in the waiting room thought the fight was really funny, and the humans had to pull him off this slathering Hell beast and drag him to an exam room.

Sounds pretty impressive, I had to say that for once I found a minuscule bit of respect for the Mutatoe for standing up to this apparent Lab bully.

Yeah, that's until I heard the human woman talking on the phone to one of her human friends. Apparently here's the whole story:
What a dork.

Meeshka