Saturday, April 19, 2008
New HULA Member: Sky
My name is Sky.
I am The Prettiest Dog You Have Ever Seen. I know this because everyone keeps telling me so (and do not say you thought huskys were bigger and fluffier. Thin is in; don't you know that?). Firstly, I would like to apologise for the lateness of my application. My humans (hereafter know as Blondie and The Grump) are a bit slow on the uptake and have only just figured out this whole blogging thing and as you know we are infuriatingly dependent on their opposable thumbs...
So, I thought you might like to hear about some of the things I have been up to:
1.Demonstrating Disruptive Behaviour
Hmmm....so much to choose from. Well, once when The Grump was being walked by me through some woods near a cricket pitch (for my American friends, cricket is a bit like baseball only even more stupid). Some humans were knocking a ball around and my humans like it when I steal balls. I know this because every time I steal a ball from another dog in the park they give me a treat when I give it back to them. It's a great way of getting treats. So, the ball gets knocked in my direction and I steal it. I run off with it and I woo so everyone can see how clever I've been stealing the ball. I know The Grump was particularly pleased because he gave me a treat when I gave it to him. Then he throws it back to the other humans but of course I am far superior to any human and I get to it first and steal it again. The Grump was really pleased with me then. Although he went quite red, which was a bit odd.
2.Causing the humans to freak out for no reason
Oh yeah, I'm good at this. When it was Blondie's birthday last year they invited a stupid green dog to the party (see photo of me and the stupid green dog).
I did not like this dog because he stared a lot and would not play with me but then I discovered he was full of Good Stuff to Eat. Blondie and The Grump told everyone at the party to make sure that I did not get any of the Good Stuff to Eat. But my humans' friends are not used to my cunningness and they do not know how good I am at getting hold of Good Stuff to Eat. So I eat a bunch of Good Stuff to Eat. The next day I am not feeling so good. “Sky, would you like some breakfast?” No. “Sky, would you like a walk?” No. “Sky, would you like to sit up and pretend you're alive?” No. Blondie and The Grump were quite concerned by now and decided I needed a trip to the vets. The very, very expensive weekend emergency vets. The Grump had to carry me out to the car but when I got in the car I perked up a bit. Hey, it's quite fun going for a nice Sunday drive. When we got to the vets the nurses made a big fuss of me because I am The Prettiest Dog They Had Ever Seen. Yeah, it's quite nice being made a fuss of; I perked up some more. By the time I went in to see the very, very expensive weekend emergency vet I was a bundle of chirpy energy. She also told me that I was The Prettiest Dog She Had Ever Seen (yeah, yeah, I know) and gave Blondie and The Grump a sachet of stuff to put in my water (I didn't drink it) and some tins of stuff to eat (I didn't eat them) and asked them for £130, thank you very much. Blondie and The Grump think twice before taking me to the very, very expensive emergency vets these days.
Sometimes in the cause of huskiness a husky gets a wee bit dirty. This is normal and perfectly acceptable. I like to think it sets off my coat. Blondie and The Grump don't see it this way and they try and deploy the evil hose against me. I do not like the hose. Now, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not afraid of the hose, I just don't like it. I don't like it anywhere near me. When it comes out I disappear. Last summer they bought a thing that goes on the hose they call a sprinkler. I quickly realised that if the hose is the devil, the sprinkler is the devil's spawn. So I killed it. Once, I also ate Bondie's mascara which made my face look really pretty but that's another story...
4.Human Behaviour Modification
Where to begin? Blondie and The Grump used to go wherever they liked and see whoever they liked. That was until they got me. Now they only go to pubs that let dogs in and only see their friends who don't mind seeing me too. But I guess my greatest triumph was in getting them to sell their flat and buy a house, with a garden, by a park; just so they could get me. Yeah, that was pretty cool.
5.Humans Dress You Up
Blondie thought that because I am Siberian in origin I might appreciate the stupid Russian-esque hat she bought on her Skiing holiday. I attach a photo in evidence (I have spared you Blondie's face; she is not The Prettiest Human You Have Ever Seen). I think my face says it all.
6.Love of Kleenex
Kleenex must be found and destroyed. In fact, I'm pretty egalitarian in my shredding activities; kleenex, paper, cardboard...it's all good. Please see photo of me with some tissue paper packaging.
Whilst it is not a requirement of HULA membership I thought you might like to know that I also have a gimpy-mutatoed-step-brother (see photo of Frank, attached. The least said about him the better).
Meeshka – I feel your pain.
Yours, in huskiness