What The Heck

Eeesh, time flies when you are totally inconvenienced!

The humans have been wrapped up in one drama after another, and two of the dramas included me... because I am the drama Queen!  But my well thought out dramas were thwarted!  THWARTED I TELL YOU! 

Firstly, I needed my teeths cleaned.  They were horrible.  I admit, I'm not about to allow the Human Woman to brush my teeth.  No!  No.Way. Never!

The Humans took me to the v.e.t.  At the v.e.t. they poked my leg and stole my blood, and apparently the blood was good, so then they starved me by not feeding me breakfast, hauled me to the v.e.t. left me there ALL DAY WITHOUT FOOD, the v.e.t. gave me a jab to make me sleep, and the next thing I know, my teeths are cleaned and I'm all woozy.

Ok, I know this routine, I'm fine with it.  The Humans will pick me up, take me home, shower me with love and treats and let me have my way throughout my lands... no.

The Human Woman shows up, I'm still all woozy, throws me in my personal limousine, drives me home, and when I get there... there's all sorts of loud, humming, air blowing machines in my house.  IN.MY.HOUSE!!!

While I was gone getting my teeths cleaned, the refrigerator blew a hose and flooded MY HOUSE!  So, while I was summarily shoved out on the deck, a bunch of people come into MY HOUSE and ripped up a bunch of it and put the loud obnoxious fans and dehumidifier things all over the place.  MY HOUSE sounded like the inside of an airport!!!!  Did I mention that I was HUNGRY???

Did I get fed at my normal time?  NO!  Did they feed me at the ungawdly 8pm time??? Yes finally!!!  Did I mention I was still woozy and nearly oozed down the deck stairs when I had to pee??  YES!  Did I mention that I didn't get any special treatment at all?????

Oh the woomanity!!!

The only saving grace was the ample amount of Livergreat I got with the icky antibiotic pills I had to take twice a day.

So, the loud fans left after a few days, then there was a flurry of work people coming in to look at the damage, write stuff down, leave, then more people coming in and doing this, that, and the other thing, all the while I'm shoved outside with the Mutatoe, or locked in my crate where I can't sufficiently smell these people and deem whether they are worthy of entering my domain...

Then a week after my horrible dental experience, out of the blue, the Human Woman looks at my po-po!  AT.MY.PO-PO!  There was something growing on my po-po.

I don't know what it was, it's not like I can look back there!  Next thing I know... I'm back in my personal limousine on the way to the v.e.t again and horror of all horrors, a whole bunch of people started looking at my po-po and touching my po-po, and sticking their fingers in my po-po! 

But wait, it gets worse... the Humans LEFT ME THERE!!!!!!  I mean seriously!!!  No soft cushy sleep number bed, no cold air vent, just throw me in the back room in a big crate thing and left me!

SERIOUSLY!!!!!

Next day, jab, fall asleep and wake up and there are STITCHES IN MY PO-PO!!!  My sacred po-po has been defiled!!!!!

Back home we go, and thankfully there were no annoying work people and fans and chaos... and I was sufficiently pampered, given a nice pain pill and some antibiotics and was scratched in all of the right itchy places.

The next day, the Mutatoe decided he wanted to play, and batted me on the po-po with his mutatoe... he only did that ONCE

A few days later the Human Woman got a phone call and was very happy because apparently the thing on my po-po was not a bad po-po thing.

So, I thought... that's good, all of that unpleasantness is over with.

Um, no, the real horror was to come when in two weeks I got drug AGAIN into the v.e.t. and I was held tightly and the v.e.t. proceeded to cut the sutures out of my po-po and YANK THEM OUT! 

The screaming, the wailing, the yodeling... and that was even after they were removed... hey, nobody told me they were done.

Thankfully that's all over with... until next month when I'm due for my vaccines... sigh.

I'll try to blog more... seriously.

Surprise, It's Nothing Serious

Yep, nothing horrible or serious, or even notable actually.

Not only was I able to freak out my humans, but apparently half of the entire world... which is why I'm the Queen.

Oh sure I'm getting old, and because I'm getting old I can manipulate my blood work to make it seem as though I either have a horrible internal organ tumor thing, or the horrible C word... or I could just be old and have 1 wacky value and strained my neck causing me to limp.

Yep, that's it.  I hurt my neck.  Don't ask how.  I blame the vet people for holding me down to trim my feety feets.  The Human Woman seems to recall that I was totally fine after the vet and three days after the vet, and only started acting dramatic after going out to pee and perhaps I slipped on the deck stairs.  IMPOSSIBLE!  I am stealth!  I am poetry in motion!  I don't fall down the stairs, or up the stairs for the matter... never... not EVER... ok, maybe I might have, but still, it hurts.

Yep, they didn't take any X-rays because they would have to make me sleepy, and sometimes that makes things worse because you are all limp and flopping around and if there's something going on in the neck sometimes flopping around makes it bad, so they suggested a shot of steroids in the butt, then 7 days of icky Pred pills and see what that does.

So, it's like 11 gazilionity degrees outside, I'm on Pred which makes me thirsty, there's fireworks going off all the time because of some sort of Independence Day thing (um, humans are not independent, we OWN them, duh), and frankly there's been a lot of peeing in the house.  Oh yeah, I'm not ashamed to say that I'd much rather pee on the carpet than go out in the blast furnace of explosions.  The beauty of it all... the Humans don't mind.  They just follow along with the steam cleaner and tell me what a good girl I am.  I KNOW!  Isn't that funny!

So, sorry to totally freak you all out, but it's my job as a working breed.

Oh, and if you are cruising my blog and see some pictures that aren't showing up, that's because some humans are stealing my pictures and the Human Woman's pictures and claiming them as their own, so they're hidden for now until we can splash a big honking © on everything... sorta like digitally marking our territory but in this case, a steam cleaner won't take out the mark.  Some people are stupid... as my friend Turbo always says.

- Meeshka