Pupdate

Yes, yes, I know, I have been neglecting my blog again, but there's only so much a Queen can do between naps and eating.

We had an exciting visitor a few weeks ago.  The world-famous Iditarod Musher Karen Ramstead came to stay at my house.  I was very excited to see her, despite that fact that she misspelled my name on an autograph picture of her and her team of Pretty Sled Dogs.

I was all set to let bygones be bygones until she sat me down and had a little talk with me about my fluffiness.

You've let yourself go a bit, Meeshka

Of course I was angry at the time... I mean seriously?  I'm the Queen!  I can do what I want, and if I want to be big and blobby, then I'll be big and blobby! What do you mean diet?  I will get a cookie when I want a cookie!

Of course, she is absolutely right.  I've been in a bit of a slump recently.  I think it hit me when I turned 11 and realized that my dream of winning Westminster wasn't going to be, and for some reason my modeling career just didn't take off.  I may have binged a bit in the past few years, not skittered as much as I should, and have pretty much allowed the suck-up Mutatoe to do most of the work around the house.

I even admit that I haven't even done a lot of Human Woman clawing, which is the mainstay of my exercise routine.  Having a chance to sit down with Karen and discuss things, learning that just because you are getting a bit older, that doesn't mean you have to just let yourself go and be a fluffy blob.

I immediately demanded that the Human Woman feed me less, and give me more nutritional treats.  I've been trying to get back into shape by sensible clawing and chasing the Human Woman.  I've even restarted my morning routine of attacking her when she tries to snooze the alarm.  I'm taking it slowly, I don't want to pull a muscle, but I think I'm back on track to getting my svelte girlie figure back.

Of course, before starting a new exercise routine, it's best to get to the vet and get a check-up to make sure I was ok to start my new routine.  I have to admit that I wasn't too keen to get in the truck.  The last time I got in the truck to the vet, they put me out, clipped my nails and cleaned my teeth.  Then two weeks later I went back in and they ripped out my po-po... then when I went back they ripped out the po-po stitches.  The vet and the truck ride are not my favorite thing right now.

One of the good things about being overweight is that when I refused to jump into the truck, the Human Woman couldn't pick me up.

This allowed me to skitter about, sniff some interesting grass, and then at my own leisure, and once the Human Woman was covered in sweat and about to get frantic... jump into the truck.  She didn't seem to laugh at my little trick.

Now, I know the routine, I go to the vet, they steal my blood and want some of my poo... so  I kindly made a poo deposit right in front of the clinic.  Hey, that's why they have the little bag container and trash bin right there... right?  They want fresh, there's your fresh poo.

I got the usual poking, jabbed, nail clipping, and a finger up my po-po to make sure no oogie things were trying to grow back (there weren't any) and then back home we went.  Apparently I get to have three of the tasty "creaky bones" that Spineless blah blah blah Sam gets because I'm getting older, but the vet gave me the OK to resume my clawing and skittering.

So, that's all good... and in other news, Mutatoe was attacked by a curtain and got his ample ass kicked yet again.

- Meeshka

The Most Annoying Dog in the World

I now present: The Mutatoe!  Most annoying dog in the world!

Seriously... I don't know, don't even ask

Meeshka

The Injustice of it all

There is a HUGE blizzard going on called Nemo.

I should be dancing for joy out in the feety feets of snows blowing and drifting right now...

EXCEPT IT'S NOT SNOWING HERE!!!!

Rain, stupid rain!!!!!

NOT happy!

The Nose Knows

The Human Woman is selfish and greedy.

She knows how much I love bananas, and yet the other day she tried to sneak a banana without sharing it with me.

She must have masked the noise of peeling the banana somehow, probably by running the water from the faucet, otherwise I would have heard it, but I detected the distinct odor of banana on her breath the moment she leaned down to pet me, no doubt out of guilt for eating a banana without sharing it with me.

When will she learn that our keen senses will betray her guilt to us each and every time.  Sometimes I think that humans are just beyond training, they just can't seem to learn anything.

The next thing you know she'll be hiding somewhere in the house to satisfy her selfishness... but we will find her

Yes... we will always find her.

- Meeshka

Surprise, It's Nothing Serious

Yep, nothing horrible or serious, or even notable actually.

Not only was I able to freak out my humans, but apparently half of the entire world... which is why I'm the Queen.

Oh sure I'm getting old, and because I'm getting old I can manipulate my blood work to make it seem as though I either have a horrible internal organ tumor thing, or the horrible C word... or I could just be old and have 1 wacky value and strained my neck causing me to limp.

Yep, that's it.  I hurt my neck.  Don't ask how.  I blame the vet people for holding me down to trim my feety feets.  The Human Woman seems to recall that I was totally fine after the vet and three days after the vet, and only started acting dramatic after going out to pee and perhaps I slipped on the deck stairs.  IMPOSSIBLE!  I am stealth!  I am poetry in motion!  I don't fall down the stairs, or up the stairs for the matter... never... not EVER... ok, maybe I might have, but still, it hurts.

Yep, they didn't take any X-rays because they would have to make me sleepy, and sometimes that makes things worse because you are all limp and flopping around and if there's something going on in the neck sometimes flopping around makes it bad, so they suggested a shot of steroids in the butt, then 7 days of icky Pred pills and see what that does.

So, it's like 11 gazilionity degrees outside, I'm on Pred which makes me thirsty, there's fireworks going off all the time because of some sort of Independence Day thing (um, humans are not independent, we OWN them, duh), and frankly there's been a lot of peeing in the house.  Oh yeah, I'm not ashamed to say that I'd much rather pee on the carpet than go out in the blast furnace of explosions.  The beauty of it all... the Humans don't mind.  They just follow along with the steam cleaner and tell me what a good girl I am.  I KNOW!  Isn't that funny!

So, sorry to totally freak you all out, but it's my job as a working breed.

Oh, and if you are cruising my blog and see some pictures that aren't showing up, that's because some humans are stealing my pictures and the Human Woman's pictures and claiming them as their own, so they're hidden for now until we can splash a big honking © on everything... sorta like digitally marking our territory but in this case, a steam cleaner won't take out the mark.  Some people are stupid... as my friend Turbo always says.

- Meeshka

Freaking Out The Humans

Yes, yes, I know its been quite some time since I blogged.  I've been busy... getting old.

The Human Woman didn't want me to keep posting and considered just leaving my blog blank, but the Human Man convinced her to keep allowing me to post.  It's my story, might as well go to the end... which is part of the problem with we dogs blogging... we have but a short time on this earth, much shorter than humans, and at some point it gets really sad because we go on to cross the Bridge and wait for our humans to catch up.  Sad for everyone left behind here, but from what I hear the Bridge is a great place to hang out.

Now, don't get me wrong, I intend to hang around here for quite some time, but I am getting old, just want to remind you all of that.  As I get old, things will happen, and it may not be pretty, or funny, but that is my life, and it would be a shame to let 7 years of blogging just stop without an ending.  For you, the ending will suck, but for me it will be the end of a remarkable life of love, happiness, clawing, making new friends.  That's nothing to be sad about.

So in getting old, I developed this eye goober thing.  You can clearly see it here in this picture of me guarding the stairs

Please note that not only did the Human Woman crop out most of the wall, but she Photoshopped the dust and cobwebs off the wall.  The Human Woman wishes that cleaning was as easy as sitting on her butt and photoshopping away the dust and dirt.

See the eye goober under my right eye?  Yep, it's some form of nodule thing that isn't anything to freak out about unless it's rubbing my eye, then it has to come off.

Well... it wasn't rubbing my eye, but I decided that I didn't like it there and tried to remove it myself.  Apparently those things bleed somewhat when you remove them with a sharp pointy claw, so when the Human Woman came up the stairs and saw that I had removed it with surgical claw precision...

This is after she attacked me with a piece of sterile gauze and wiped most of the blood off, and bits of eye goober guts, and some other whatever stuff that oozed out.  I give her credit, she calmly went, washed her hands, got the gauze, fooled me by asking if I wanted a cookie and cornered me against the couch, otherwise I would have made her chase me through the house.

There's some other stuff going on with me that I'll tell you about later.  It involves the Human Woman trying to steal my pee this week and some tests that need to be run.  All of this growing old stuff is very inconvenient.

I realize that I probably totally bummed all the humans out by writing all of this... but if there's one thing you should have learned from me by now:  It's not what happened yesterday.  It's not what might happen tomorrow.  It's what is happening right now.  So get over it and enjoy the now... I am... on my air vent.

- Meeshka