It's Not Fair

It has come to my attention that the Humans are wasting a large amount of time "pinning" things they want, or think is cool, or want to do, or have done, or whatever to a site called Pinterest.

I feel this is very unfair.  If the humans can do this, there should be a platform for us canines to share things we have done, want to do, think is cool, or whatever.

Therefore, I want to start a new platform called Peterest.  I fully expect the human site to sue me, but I'm a dog... have fun with that.

Therefore, these are the things I would "pet".

Things I've done:

Things I want:

* Update:  It has come to my attention (thanks Thundering Herd) that the website Peterest already exists, but only contains pictures of pets... I'm not amused.

Mutatoe Versus Butterfly

I mean, do I really need to go into any great detail about how that ended up.

He's an embarrassment to all huskies.

- Meeshka

If It Quacks Like A Duck

Lately the bionic hip/knee pup Sam has been having problems getting up and down the stairs.  I think he just wants to be carried, but since he's slim on original parts, it could be that his warranty has run out and things are malfunctioning in there.  He does have a rather unique way of simply flinging himself down the stairs that is highly amusing... unless you happen to be at the bottom of the stairs when he comes barreling down.

To help him up and down the stairs, the Human Woman bought him a harness with a handle on it from those awesome folks over at Tripawds.  It's called "The Web Master" and for a while he thought that he would turn into the amazing Spider Dog when he put it on.  He's a bit delusional.

Of course the Human Woman has a name for it.  It can't simply be "the harness" because the Human Woman is also a bit delusional, and will probably soon be on an episode of Hoarders for her rabid purse addiction.

Yep, it's got a handle and carries something, so she calls it the Sammy purse.  Oh the woomanity!

I have to admit, it sorta does look like a purse

Surprise, It's Nothing Serious

Yep, nothing horrible or serious, or even notable actually.

Not only was I able to freak out my humans, but apparently half of the entire world... which is why I'm the Queen.

Oh sure I'm getting old, and because I'm getting old I can manipulate my blood work to make it seem as though I either have a horrible internal organ tumor thing, or the horrible C word... or I could just be old and have 1 wacky value and strained my neck causing me to limp.

Yep, that's it.  I hurt my neck.  Don't ask how.  I blame the vet people for holding me down to trim my feety feets.  The Human Woman seems to recall that I was totally fine after the vet and three days after the vet, and only started acting dramatic after going out to pee and perhaps I slipped on the deck stairs.  IMPOSSIBLE!  I am stealth!  I am poetry in motion!  I don't fall down the stairs, or up the stairs for the matter... never... not EVER... ok, maybe I might have, but still, it hurts.

Yep, they didn't take any X-rays because they would have to make me sleepy, and sometimes that makes things worse because you are all limp and flopping around and if there's something going on in the neck sometimes flopping around makes it bad, so they suggested a shot of steroids in the butt, then 7 days of icky Pred pills and see what that does.

So, it's like 11 gazilionity degrees outside, I'm on Pred which makes me thirsty, there's fireworks going off all the time because of some sort of Independence Day thing (um, humans are not independent, we OWN them, duh), and frankly there's been a lot of peeing in the house.  Oh yeah, I'm not ashamed to say that I'd much rather pee on the carpet than go out in the blast furnace of explosions.  The beauty of it all... the Humans don't mind.  They just follow along with the steam cleaner and tell me what a good girl I am.  I KNOW!  Isn't that funny!

So, sorry to totally freak you all out, but it's my job as a working breed.

Oh, and if you are cruising my blog and see some pictures that aren't showing up, that's because some humans are stealing my pictures and the Human Woman's pictures and claiming them as their own, so they're hidden for now until we can splash a big honking © on everything... sorta like digitally marking our territory but in this case, a steam cleaner won't take out the mark.  Some people are stupid... as my friend Turbo always says.

- Meeshka

Freaking Out The Humans

Yes, yes, I know its been quite some time since I blogged.  I've been busy... getting old.

The Human Woman didn't want me to keep posting and considered just leaving my blog blank, but the Human Man convinced her to keep allowing me to post.  It's my story, might as well go to the end... which is part of the problem with we dogs blogging... we have but a short time on this earth, much shorter than humans, and at some point it gets really sad because we go on to cross the Bridge and wait for our humans to catch up.  Sad for everyone left behind here, but from what I hear the Bridge is a great place to hang out.

Now, don't get me wrong, I intend to hang around here for quite some time, but I am getting old, just want to remind you all of that.  As I get old, things will happen, and it may not be pretty, or funny, but that is my life, and it would be a shame to let 7 years of blogging just stop without an ending.  For you, the ending will suck, but for me it will be the end of a remarkable life of love, happiness, clawing, making new friends.  That's nothing to be sad about.

So in getting old, I developed this eye goober thing.  You can clearly see it here in this picture of me guarding the stairs

Please note that not only did the Human Woman crop out most of the wall, but she Photoshopped the dust and cobwebs off the wall.  The Human Woman wishes that cleaning was as easy as sitting on her butt and photoshopping away the dust and dirt.

See the eye goober under my right eye?  Yep, it's some form of nodule thing that isn't anything to freak out about unless it's rubbing my eye, then it has to come off.

Well... it wasn't rubbing my eye, but I decided that I didn't like it there and tried to remove it myself.  Apparently those things bleed somewhat when you remove them with a sharp pointy claw, so when the Human Woman came up the stairs and saw that I had removed it with surgical claw precision...

This is after she attacked me with a piece of sterile gauze and wiped most of the blood off, and bits of eye goober guts, and some other whatever stuff that oozed out.  I give her credit, she calmly went, washed her hands, got the gauze, fooled me by asking if I wanted a cookie and cornered me against the couch, otherwise I would have made her chase me through the house.

There's some other stuff going on with me that I'll tell you about later.  It involves the Human Woman trying to steal my pee this week and some tests that need to be run.  All of this growing old stuff is very inconvenient.

I realize that I probably totally bummed all the humans out by writing all of this... but if there's one thing you should have learned from me by now:  It's not what happened yesterday.  It's not what might happen tomorrow.  It's what is happening right now.  So get over it and enjoy the now... I am... on my air vent.

- Meeshka

The Fearless Mutatoe Strikes Again

If you are one of my fans (and I don't know why you wouldn't be), then you are familiar with the many brave feats of the fearless Mutatoe.

In case you've forgotten, here's a refresher:

Mutatoe versus the stuffed lab at the vet:

Mutatoe versus hypothetical blow up sheep in Uncle Jack's guest room :

Mutatoe versus the big rat snake in the back yard:

Yesterday the area rug attacked him... so it should come as no surprise....

Sigh....

-Meeshka

Today I am 11

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful....

Just wish me Happy Birthday and send some Livergreat.

- Meeshka

Happy Thanksgiving

Remember:

If the turkey is unguarded, its yours

and if you're lucky...

Happy Thanksgiving everypuppy (and kitty... and hamsterrier... and humans...)

- Meeshka

HURRY UP!

I'm pretty sure I've already told you (a zillion times) how slow my Human Woman is.  She dawdles to the door when I have to pee, she dawdles opening the door up for me when I want to come inside, and most importantly, she DAWDLES when she feeds us!

First she'll yell out the annoying "Who wants food-food?" in that high pitched meant to be cute and adorable but its very painful to our sensitive ears double speak crap.  She gets us all worked up and hungry, and then she sloooooowly walks upstairs.  Sometimes she gets lost or distracted by something pretty and starts doing something else.  Meanwhile we're drooling in our EMPTY food bowls.

Then she'll manage to find her way upstairs and into the kitchen, where she may open the fridge and find the canned food, then sloooowly walks to the counter to place the dog food can.  Then she'll sloooowly gather the food bowls, perhaps remembering to do something in the middle of getting the food bowls and wandering off.  Meanwhile we're screaming at her to hurry up, and Mutatoe is gnawing on the water bowl.

Finally she'll get the bowls on the counter and open up the sacred food bin.  She has a scoop she uses to measure out our meager portion and she does it ONE FREAKIN SCOOP AT A TIME!!!  By now the spineless bionic hip/knee pup is springing in and out of the kitchen.

I finally had enough of this and took matters into my own hands.

Yeah, don't mind me, I'll just get it myself, thanks though.

- Meeshka

How To Drive The Human Woman Insane #9587

First, you find a spot to dig right next to the gate:

Then, when the Human Woman is laying paving stones down in your new dig spot, wash your delicate feety feet off in the water bowl and saunter throughout the house.

Its a win-win.

- Meeshka

New HULA Members: The Thundering Herd

Yes, my pupfriends, its time to shine the HULA spotlight on the Thundering Herd!

I've received numerous excuses from the Thundering Herd's human man about not having the time to properly document the chaos and mayhem caused by the Herd, blah, blah, excuse, excuse, wah wah wah!  This only goes to show what exemplary HULA members the Herd is: keeping their Human Man from functioning properly in civilization.  I bet he can't even put his clothes in the spinny thing and make them smell like fake flowers and junk because he's always cleaning up after the Herd and their antics... BRAVO Herd!

Now, I don't want all of you to think that I'll just go and nominate HULA members on my own and do all of the research necessary to weed out your qualifications.  I'm much too busy for that (currently I'm gathering small bits of snow that are falling that was suppose to be a snowmageddon but got canceled because weather people are morons and need to be clawed.

Anyhoo, this is a once in a lifetime HULA nomination, because I need the Herd to concentrate on their operations to drive their humans insane (and they are close to being finished apparently).

HULA Qualifications
1. Demonstrating Disruptive Behavior
There's nothing better than having a bunch of you "act up" while on a peaceful walk with one human man... The Herd has perfected the whole "oh sure, we're well mannered huskies that obey your every command until we get you alone out in the middle of nowhere and then watch out" tactic.  This is only matched with the "wait until we get out in public and embarrass you" tactic.  You can also insist upon walking in between the Human Man's legs, like Rusty here.

2. Cause Humans to freak out for no real reason
Was accomplished on Christmas Eve by Queen Natasha, who ate something that didn't agree with her (probably a nice book) and was rushed to the puppy ER for treatment.  We are pleased to announce that she's back home giggling, and want to send a word of caution to other HULA wannabees: don't hurt yourself in your attempts to freak out your humans... but a vet run or two for non-serious things is not only fun, but expensive!

3. Destroy Something
Using the "eat an entire loaf of bread" as a diversionary tactic to destroy other things is the best way to accomplish maximum destruction.  Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee pup Sam totally approves of the consumption of bread products in this carefully coordinated sneak attack.  We also approve of stealing money.

4. Human behavior modification:
Making the humans erect barriers around the things they want to keep whole and then inconveniencing themselves in the process is a great trick.  What makes it even better is getting yourself into predicaments where the humans have to come to your rescue, or at the very least see why you are screaming at the top of your lungs as if scalded weasels were eating your eyes.  The only better maneuver is to completely defeat their attempts at blocking you, and giving them the finger.

5. Humans dress you up
I have found no evidence that the Human Man dresses up the Thundering Herd... probably because he knows better.  I approve.

6. Love of Kleenex
Although I'm sure there have been incidences of kleenex addiction, the Herd has mastered the "shredding of important paperwork" missions with style and pizazz, therefore I'll cut them some slack on no pictures or evidence of rolls of toilet paper snow throughout the household.

Welcome to the HULA Hoop:

Natasha
Rusty
Kiska
Kodiak
Qannik
Cheoah

Meeshka

The Working Breed

As most of you know, the Siberian Husky (of which I am one) is a "working breed".  Our job is to pull sleds, but... seriously?  Humans have cars, why should I pull a freakin sled?

I've re-invented the breed to include jobs such as:

• Snoopervision
• Staring
• Clawing
• Stomping
• Wooing
• Asking to go in, go out, go in, go out, go in, go out

 These are much easier and more fulfilling jobs than pulling a silly sled.

As far as the ample assed Mutatoe (and I feel that I need to provide a pronunciation guide for this, as I've been told it isn't very clear:  Moootahtoe), since his release from the Betty Ford Clinic for Cushy Hoarding, he isn't allow near soft things (clothes, socks, my down fluffiness) for fear that he will relapse and begin piling these items into a big pile and laying on it again. 

Therefore, the human woman does allow him to assist in the sorting of dirty clothes prior to being thrown into the loud stinky machine (aka: washer), where they go from stinky goodness, to smelling like a fake flower or stuffed bear that speaks and needs to be shredded (aka: corporate sellout bear).

As with most working dogs, Mutatoe has his very own method for sorting clothes, and here is a fine example of his work.

- Meeshka -

Literal Translation

More Fun with Wii