Bed Coup

It's been very unexciting around here for a while.

There hasn't been any snow... well, some flakes, but not SNOW that you can create a little mountain out of and sleep.

It's been cold, which is fine with me, but the humans aren't that crazy about it.

The usual day-to-day grind of napping, sleeping, napping, eating, napping, going out to poo.

The fun starts at night though.

Not only do we continue our "let's get the humans up at the butt crack of dawn so we can pee" routine, but Sam has decided to throw a coup and take over the bed.

It's been a slow process.  The Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog is a professional napper.  He can't even get into the Olympic because he's that much of a professional, although apparently you can get in if you are a pro basketball player or something... what's up with that?

Because he prefers laying on the Sleep Number bed, Sam will go to great lengths to make himself look very uncomfortable on the myriad of expensive orthopedic beds the humans have strewn throughout the house.

The Humans fall into his evil plan and plop him onto the Sleep Number (Sam is a 25).

Since he spend so much time on it, he's formulated the perfect napping strategy, honed his skills

Please note that he has discovered the beauty of the cushy pillow.  Yep, those humans are pretty smart, they cushion their heads on bags stuffed with soft feather things.

Unfortunately, at night the humans also use the gigantic soft bed, and this makes Sam very angry.

How dare they encroach upon his personal sleepy spot! After all, they spent all of that money for those dog beds, so why can't they sleep there.

He felt that was a brilliant idea and has set about to change the bed dynamic... one night at a time.

His approach:  slowly herd the Human Woman out of the bed.

I give her a week before she's sleeping in the front room on the orthopedic dog bed.

Almonds are Most Certainly Bad

So... the Human Man drops a few of these tasty looking morsels on the floor

Yep, those are almonds.  Tasty... crunchy... not good for dogs.

How do I know this... well...

Every half hour... without fail... sometimes with epic fail when the Humans wouldn't leap out of bed and let me out... it was brutal.

So... since Sam had a tooth removed, he's relegated to a soft diet, and since I'm a poo machine, it's a soft bland food diet... which is...

Nasty.

Not only do we have to eat it... but it requires that the food be soaked to make it soft, so not only do we have prison rations, but we have to stand there and wait for it while it soaks.

Torture.  Pure torture.

We are slowly getting our regular tasty food added, but this process can't end soon enough.

I'm literally wasting away... but at least my poo is back to normal.

- Meeshka

Sammy Freak Out

Well, it's been an exciting couple of weeks here in Meeshka's World.

Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog, Sam, decided that he wanted to freak out the Humans and get some attention.  I don't know why he feels he doesn't get any attention... none of us get lifted on and off the bed, or get to wear an embarrassing purse and helped up and down the stairs.  The Humans even hold him up when he takes a poo, so I'm pretty sure he gets more than his fair share of attention...

He clearly broke the rules as I was having a bit of gastro-intestinal upset because the Human Man kept dropping tasty almonds on the kitchen floor and let's just say... they didn't agree with me.  So, while I'm screeching to be let out every half hour at all hours of the day and night... Sam up and does this:

Yep, out of the blue, for no apparent reason, Sam started having nosebleeds!

Now, I know a bit about dogs and nosebleeds, and NOTHING good comes from that.  It only seemed to happen every time they forced him to go down the stairs to potty.  Sam hates the stairs.  Sam HATES the stairs, and he'll go to every length to avoid going down them, but this was a bit ridiculous if you ask me.  It was only bleeding in the right nostril for some reason.

So, they whisked Sam off to one vet, who thought he saw a little scratch up his right nostril.  Then they whisked him off to the regular vet who verified that it was only coming out of the right nostril, but couldn't see anything (probably because Sam doesn't like people messing with his nose, but anyway), so they stole some blood and gave him antibiotics to take.

Then on Tuesday the Humans whisked him off to the vet without any food and he spent the day taking a nap, getting x-rays and having his nasty teeth cleaned.
The vet thought that perhaps he had a nasty tooth that was invading his sinus, but the x-rays came back and...

NOTHING.

No sign of tumors (the biggest fear), no sign of dental encroachment... nothing.  No reason for his nose to bleed, AT.ALL.

Sigh... meanwhile I'm on a bland diet... actually we all are because when one suffers, we all suffer.

So, Tuesday night, Mr. Self Importance comes home all zonked out.

Dude... I'm so stoned

His breath is a lot better now, but if the Humans try to force him down the stairs and stress him out... he may have a nose bleed, so they've been very nice at bribing him to go down the stairs with treats and praise and blah blah, seriously?

Meanwhile I'm starving on this bland diet... more on that in another blog post because there's no way I'm sharing my misery with Sam.

He's much better, in case you were all worried.  He goes to his massage every other week still and this morning he was so pleased with his poop that he skittered all the way into the house looking like a spaz.

-Meeshka

It's Not Fair

It has come to my attention that the Humans are wasting a large amount of time "pinning" things they want, or think is cool, or want to do, or have done, or whatever to a site called Pinterest.

I feel this is very unfair.  If the humans can do this, there should be a platform for us canines to share things we have done, want to do, think is cool, or whatever.

Therefore, I want to start a new platform called Peterest.  I fully expect the human site to sue me, but I'm a dog... have fun with that.

Therefore, these are the things I would "pet".

Things I've done:

Things I want:

* Update:  It has come to my attention (thanks Thundering Herd) that the website Peterest already exists, but only contains pictures of pets... I'm not amused.

The Great Escape

The other day, as usual, we were hanging out (napping) in our crates waiting for the Human Woman to come home and feed us lunch.

Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee Sam decided he wanted to sleep on his cushy Serta Perfect Sleeper dog bed.

He really wanted to nap there.

He had enough, he planned his escape, which consisted of pushing open his crate's side door that hadn't been properly latched.

I would like to file a formal complaint in that the Mutatoe and my crates are boxed in and we can't use our emergency side escape hatches.

He then walked around and gloated about his newfound freedom before plooping his creaky butt down on his big cushy dog bed, flaunting his comfort.

This is how the Human Woman found him.

To her credit, she started checking the side door, so he's stuck like the rest of us.

- Meeshka

New HULA Members - Maggie and Cammie

It is with great pleasure that I introduce you to the newest members of the Husky United Liberation Army (HULA):  Cammie and Maggie!

This picture is ©KZKryschtal... you nab it and I will hunt you down!

It was a great honor when the original Ao4 submitted their application, and I had no doubt that Maggie and Cammie would also be members, and as you can see above, the sitzbank continues to be a "no husky zone" hehehehe.

You will have to journey on over to their blog to read their application, get to know them, see their adventures, and wallow in their glorious misadventures.

My only advice to young Maggie (who is my Prime Minister, by the way) is that you should mix up the whining freak human out sound with yips and yaps of great urgency... that way they don't start to ignore you.  I would also suggest you stare at something on the wall, or something behind the humans so they think there's a bug... or axe murderer behind them.

Way to go you two!  I'm very proud of your accomplishments, and I see nothing but devious things in your future!

Pupdate

Yes, yes, I know, I have been neglecting my blog again, but there's only so much a Queen can do between naps and eating.

We had an exciting visitor a few weeks ago.  The world-famous Iditarod Musher Karen Ramstead came to stay at my house.  I was very excited to see her, despite that fact that she misspelled my name on an autograph picture of her and her team of Pretty Sled Dogs.

I was all set to let bygones be bygones until she sat me down and had a little talk with me about my fluffiness.

You've let yourself go a bit, Meeshka

Of course I was angry at the time... I mean seriously?  I'm the Queen!  I can do what I want, and if I want to be big and blobby, then I'll be big and blobby! What do you mean diet?  I will get a cookie when I want a cookie!

Of course, she is absolutely right.  I've been in a bit of a slump recently.  I think it hit me when I turned 11 and realized that my dream of winning Westminster wasn't going to be, and for some reason my modeling career just didn't take off.  I may have binged a bit in the past few years, not skittered as much as I should, and have pretty much allowed the suck-up Mutatoe to do most of the work around the house.

I even admit that I haven't even done a lot of Human Woman clawing, which is the mainstay of my exercise routine.  Having a chance to sit down with Karen and discuss things, learning that just because you are getting a bit older, that doesn't mean you have to just let yourself go and be a fluffy blob.

I immediately demanded that the Human Woman feed me less, and give me more nutritional treats.  I've been trying to get back into shape by sensible clawing and chasing the Human Woman.  I've even restarted my morning routine of attacking her when she tries to snooze the alarm.  I'm taking it slowly, I don't want to pull a muscle, but I think I'm back on track to getting my svelte girlie figure back.

Of course, before starting a new exercise routine, it's best to get to the vet and get a check-up to make sure I was ok to start my new routine.  I have to admit that I wasn't too keen to get in the truck.  The last time I got in the truck to the vet, they put me out, clipped my nails and cleaned my teeth.  Then two weeks later I went back in and they ripped out my po-po... then when I went back they ripped out the po-po stitches.  The vet and the truck ride are not my favorite thing right now.

One of the good things about being overweight is that when I refused to jump into the truck, the Human Woman couldn't pick me up.

This allowed me to skitter about, sniff some interesting grass, and then at my own leisure, and once the Human Woman was covered in sweat and about to get frantic... jump into the truck.  She didn't seem to laugh at my little trick.

Now, I know the routine, I go to the vet, they steal my blood and want some of my poo... so  I kindly made a poo deposit right in front of the clinic.  Hey, that's why they have the little bag container and trash bin right there... right?  They want fresh, there's your fresh poo.

I got the usual poking, jabbed, nail clipping, and a finger up my po-po to make sure no oogie things were trying to grow back (there weren't any) and then back home we went.  Apparently I get to have three of the tasty "creaky bones" that Spineless blah blah blah Sam gets because I'm getting older, but the vet gave me the OK to resume my clawing and skittering.

So, that's all good... and in other news, Mutatoe was attacked by a curtain and got his ample ass kicked yet again.

- Meeshka

What The Heck

Eeesh, time flies when you are totally inconvenienced!

The humans have been wrapped up in one drama after another, and two of the dramas included me... because I am the drama Queen!  But my well thought out dramas were thwarted!  THWARTED I TELL YOU! 

Firstly, I needed my teeths cleaned.  They were horrible.  I admit, I'm not about to allow the Human Woman to brush my teeth.  No!  No.Way. Never!

The Humans took me to the v.e.t.  At the v.e.t. they poked my leg and stole my blood, and apparently the blood was good, so then they starved me by not feeding me breakfast, hauled me to the v.e.t. left me there ALL DAY WITHOUT FOOD, the v.e.t. gave me a jab to make me sleep, and the next thing I know, my teeths are cleaned and I'm all woozy.

Ok, I know this routine, I'm fine with it.  The Humans will pick me up, take me home, shower me with love and treats and let me have my way throughout my lands... no.

The Human Woman shows up, I'm still all woozy, throws me in my personal limousine, drives me home, and when I get there... there's all sorts of loud, humming, air blowing machines in my house.  IN.MY.HOUSE!!!

While I was gone getting my teeths cleaned, the refrigerator blew a hose and flooded MY HOUSE!  So, while I was summarily shoved out on the deck, a bunch of people come into MY HOUSE and ripped up a bunch of it and put the loud obnoxious fans and dehumidifier things all over the place.  MY HOUSE sounded like the inside of an airport!!!!  Did I mention that I was HUNGRY???

Did I get fed at my normal time?  NO!  Did they feed me at the ungawdly 8pm time??? Yes finally!!!  Did I mention I was still woozy and nearly oozed down the deck stairs when I had to pee??  YES!  Did I mention that I didn't get any special treatment at all?????

Oh the woomanity!!!

The only saving grace was the ample amount of Livergreat I got with the icky antibiotic pills I had to take twice a day.

So, the loud fans left after a few days, then there was a flurry of work people coming in to look at the damage, write stuff down, leave, then more people coming in and doing this, that, and the other thing, all the while I'm shoved outside with the Mutatoe, or locked in my crate where I can't sufficiently smell these people and deem whether they are worthy of entering my domain...

Then a week after my horrible dental experience, out of the blue, the Human Woman looks at my po-po!  AT.MY.PO-PO!  There was something growing on my po-po.

I don't know what it was, it's not like I can look back there!  Next thing I know... I'm back in my personal limousine on the way to the v.e.t again and horror of all horrors, a whole bunch of people started looking at my po-po and touching my po-po, and sticking their fingers in my po-po! 

But wait, it gets worse... the Humans LEFT ME THERE!!!!!!  I mean seriously!!!  No soft cushy sleep number bed, no cold air vent, just throw me in the back room in a big crate thing and left me!

SERIOUSLY!!!!!

Next day, jab, fall asleep and wake up and there are STITCHES IN MY PO-PO!!!  My sacred po-po has been defiled!!!!!

Back home we go, and thankfully there were no annoying work people and fans and chaos... and I was sufficiently pampered, given a nice pain pill and some antibiotics and was scratched in all of the right itchy places.

The next day, the Mutatoe decided he wanted to play, and batted me on the po-po with his mutatoe... he only did that ONCE

A few days later the Human Woman got a phone call and was very happy because apparently the thing on my po-po was not a bad po-po thing.

So, I thought... that's good, all of that unpleasantness is over with.

Um, no, the real horror was to come when in two weeks I got drug AGAIN into the v.e.t. and I was held tightly and the v.e.t. proceeded to cut the sutures out of my po-po and YANK THEM OUT! 

The screaming, the wailing, the yodeling... and that was even after they were removed... hey, nobody told me they were done.

Thankfully that's all over with... until next month when I'm due for my vaccines... sigh.

I'll try to blog more... seriously.

The Injustice of it all

There is a HUGE blizzard going on called Nemo.

I should be dancing for joy out in the feety feets of snows blowing and drifting right now...

EXCEPT IT'S NOT SNOWING HERE!!!!

Rain, stupid rain!!!!!

NOT happy!

The Nose Knows

The Human Woman is selfish and greedy.

She knows how much I love bananas, and yet the other day she tried to sneak a banana without sharing it with me.

She must have masked the noise of peeling the banana somehow, probably by running the water from the faucet, otherwise I would have heard it, but I detected the distinct odor of banana on her breath the moment she leaned down to pet me, no doubt out of guilt for eating a banana without sharing it with me.

When will she learn that our keen senses will betray her guilt to us each and every time.  Sometimes I think that humans are just beyond training, they just can't seem to learn anything.

The next thing you know she'll be hiding somewhere in the house to satisfy her selfishness... but we will find her

Yes... we will always find her.

- Meeshka