There's a New Defense in Town

There has been much chatter on the human mail list about a poor innocent husky who was found licking a bowl that had formerly contained crab dip.

Most of the humans jumped right on the bandwagon and pointed their non-fluffy fingers at the poor husky, accusing him of STEALING the bowl and eating the crab dip. Surprisingly, some have offered alibis and alternative stories as to how the bowl ended up on the floor, and the crab dip's disappearance.

Its always the husky's fault, therefore, I'm putting up my shingle in defense of the wrongly accused!

New HULA member Hershey

Meeshka,

This is my mom's email, she let me use it. I would like to apply for official HULA membership! Here are my reasons that I, Hershey, should be allowed membership into the uber-elite HULA-hoop.

1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior
No matter what is going on, such as important phone calls, conversations, anticipated television shows, etc. I BARK and GROWL and EXPLODE with FEROCITY whenever the mailman delivers the mail to the box right outside the front door!

2. Cause human guilt for no reason, other to get attention or treats
If my mom or dad step on just one little bit of my hair I get all sad and act as if they have just maimed me! I love it! They pick me up and love on me and feel horrible and I usually get a treat! Soooo easy!!!!

3. Destroy something
I destroyed my fabric kennel by chewing a hole in it and busting the zipper! (see picture)














4. Human behavior modification
They gave up trying to make me not pee in my bed! Hey if I need to go, I need to GO! So they wash pee towels, I WIN!

5. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans
(see picture) need I say more!

Hershey, welcome to the HULA hoop.

Meeshka

Official HULA Certificate of Membership

Since I've received quite a few comments regarding the wonderful training that has been done by both Northern Breeds (who will officially govern the world, I myself shall be queen), and other breeds (including the rare Northern Breed hamster Fu-Fu), I have decided that we'll need to induct some new members into the HULA ranks.

So, for all of you who feel you are worthy of being a member of HULA and granted into the HULA hoop, please e-mail me with the following:

1. A picture of yourself
2. Your story of how you've accomplished one (or more) of the 7 HULA accomplishments (pictures of your deeds also encouraged)
3. a return e-mail address

Those who are worthy will be inducted into the HULA hoop and receive their very own (stunning, and endorsed by me) HULA membership certificate (suitable for framing) like this one (which I made tiny so you devious breeds don't just print this one out and claim membership without official sponsorship) via e-mail. Your story and pictures will be posted on my blog for everyone to read and appreciate!


And NO, I'm not going to personalize them, I have my own training and clawing to do in preparation for our 1 January 2007 take-over of the world. Click on "e-mail me" link at the top of the blog to send in your stories and pictures. If you don't have pictures of the destruction and chaos, that's fine, but don't be making stuff up!

Meeshka (they better be good stories too!)

Honorary HULA?

Fu Fu asked if he could join HULA and our training session. This is a very serious request, and I had to go review your accomplishments in order to see if you were qualified.

Some of the most important accomplishments for HULA membership are:

1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior
2. Cause your human to freak out for no real reason
3. Cause human guilt for no reason, other to get attention or treats
4. Destroy something
5. Human behavior modification
6. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans
7. Love of kleenex

After reviewing your case history (reading your blog) I see that you meet all of the qualifications (on a smaller, yet very impressive scale), and therefore I am hereby accepting you into the HULA hoop.

For your own safety, please continue your chaos and HULA covert actions in the vicinity of your cage, as you are a small, yet tasty morsel, and we wouldn't want an eager HULA member to mistake you for free range squeeky toy.

We are also receiving reports from all over about humans complaining about our training tactics. Huskies curling up on the kitchen table for naps, huskies stealing crab dig from tables (a fine piece of levitation and stealing I may add).

Keep up the good work everyone, and train hard

Meeshka
(almost got the human woman's roast tonight)

Pssst, Get Ready

Ok everyhusky (and dog) I've calculated the best possible day for our test take-over of the world.

Searching back into the history of humans, it seems that they have a big celebration for what they call "the end of the year". It happens, oddly enough, at the end of the human calendar year.

The humans usually go out the night before the end of the year, or stay home and have parties on the night before the end of the year. Typically they get stupid drunk on their beverages, do silly things, and set off stupid fireworks when the human clock thing strikes midnight, celebrating the "end of the year".

In order for us to determine if our true take-over of the world will actually work, or whether we require specialized training, we will have a mock "take-over the world" training session.

This session will occur on 1 January 2007 (by the human calendar). That is the day when most humans will be incompacitated from their drinking and partying. Most humans will be unable to get out of the bed, unless they run to the white bowl to horka. This will be the perfect day to take advantage of their weaknesses and test our skills to ensure we're fully prepared for the take-over. If we happen to take-over the world on 1 January 2007, then that's an added bonus, but I highly suspect we'll need some additional specialized training in the next year before our true attempt.

Remember; if the humans party at your house, don't partake of the alcohol, even if its within easy reach. We need all of you bright and alert for the next day's activities. Mind control and furry force is authorized for this training session.

In order for me to determine the success of our training mission, I will need reports back that detail the following:

1. A trip to the ER vet for no reason at all.
2. Destruction of household items
3. Poking the humans in the butt while they horka in the white drinking bowl
4. A short escape that requires the humans to chase you, catch you, then horka (hopefully not on you)
5. Leaping on the incompacitated humans at will
6. Causing the humans to just give you an entire bag of food, rather than the usual meager portion.

So, start your training sessions, get ready for that day, and let me know how successful you are in your attempt to take over your own little corner of the world.

Meeshka
(Queen of the everything)

Prepare for the Day

HULA operatives!

I will be reporting soon on a very important training mission that will determine our readiness to take over the world. Please stand by for this most important announcement in the next day or two.

In the meantime, I've receive a covert report from Agent 00K9 on training activities underway:

Dear Queen Meeshka, With great pleasure, I have covertly been contributing to your plan of overthrowing the human world. Since I last checked in with you, oh mighty leader, I have stolen another sandwich left unguarded, escaped a few times out the front door when unsuspecting humans visited my home and best of all on one of those escapes I chased the neighbors cat. Yes! It was fantastic. How dare that feline patrol my front yard. It was imperative that I set it straight. I allowed the feline to escape as it was much more pleasurable to listen to the humans scream in fear of its life. You would have enjoyed the sight of my human woman jumping up and down in her pink fuzzy housecoat as I chased that cat across the street and up the fence. I’ve laughed for months during my incarceration. Yes, it’s true. The human woman has been containing me during visits of other humans; just in case I decided to show them how easy it is to manipulate them. Back to the topic at hand, play fighting. Normally I am viscous in my relentless attempts to bring down the other gimpy dogs. I always attack at the throat bringing them down in the Caribou style. But I have decided that I must confuse the humans in this war. I must stay a step ahead of them in my pursuit of freedom and power for all huskies. The human woman brought home yet another dog that she calls a rescue. This one is a malamute puppy, a small whiny little thing that supposedly has a genetic defect and won’t become taller than me. There is no challenge in bringing that little runt down. But I watch carefully for the times that she brings out that camera thingy. As soon as it appears I confuse the humans by acting as if I am innocent. I have attached a picture of my innocent looking self with the runt. Little do they know that as soon as their backs are turned I slam it down and make it whine. It’s great fun. Human steps out, I look innocent and sweet.


Door shuts, I slam the little booger and the human steps out and yells at the other dogs!
Got to love it.

Keep up the fight,
Agent OOK9

How We "Play"

Fu-Fu asked if the humans play with us. Well, they do, but its kind of a long story (which I'll interupt here to say that the human woman bought MORE sleepy pants today).

Unlike most dogs, we huskies are always plotting, planning, scheming, and thinking. We don't have time for "play" like other dogs who aren't trying to take over the world. We have devious things we want to do, so while we do "play" its actually covert training for our master plan.

For instance, some dogs like to play "tug o' war". Huskies will humor the humans for a bit, but generally we feel that if we want something, we'll just take it. There's no need to tug and fight over something with the humans, when eventually they'll go off and do something else, and we'll go steal a pot roast from a counter.

Some dogs play "fetch". Huskies feel that if the human didn't want the ball, they shouldn't have thrown it, and if they want it back, they can just walk over and get it themselves. Sure we may chase after the ball while its rolling, but that's part of our covert training to track down and kill small woodland creatures.

Here are some training techniques that are disguised as "games" that huskies will play:

• Gut the squeeky toy (bonus points for fastest times)
• Riccochet bed (leaping off and on the bed, using it as a springboard)
• Dig to China or freedom (whichever comes first)
• Sink Sucking (the humans leave so much good tasty things on their plates)
• Important Paper Shred (if its put up somewhere, it must be important)
• Cushy Hoarding (gather as many cloth items as possible and lay on it)
• Drop Kong on Bare Feet
• Wolf vs Caribou

Wolf vs Caribou is a very important training tool. In our case, we play Wolf vs Annoying Caribou. One husky is the wolf, the other husky is the caribou. In our case, Sam and I are the wolves, and Loki is the annoying caribou. The object of this game is to stalk, chase, drag down, and savage the annoying caribou. Per the human woman's rule, we can't savage him so much that he squeeks, so we'll give her that one, but sometimes its just too easy to get carried away with the game and we forget the rule.

So, the question was: "Do the humans play with us", and the answer is: sorta.
We like an audience when we do our training, so they are usually standing around watching us and saying things like "oh, look at them play, they're so happy". Meanwhile we're thinking "hehehe, we have them so fooled, we're on a training mission"

Meeshka
(Commander, HULA Forces)

Odds (no, not the gimpies) and Ends

The humans have been home for four whole days and frankly I'm sick of them being around. The human woman mentioned something about going back to work tomorrow (complaining as usual), and frankly, I need some peace and quiet.

To answer some questions left as comments:

The humans are too paranoid to give us our own dog door. We'd probably never come back inside, unless it was to get our bed time treats and to hog the bed. They feel that left to our own devices, we would just do evil in the yard, and would have dug under the fence (despite their devious attempts with concrete and chicken wire) while they slept. They control us with a tight leash, which is why we fight the leash of oppression.

The stick pile continues to dwindle away. Sometimes I think she just re-arranges it into interesting shapes to make it look smaller, but I do suspect she's stealing valuable and tasty limbs and doing something with them.

You have it lucky Zim. When I come in from the rain and get into bed, the human woman just complains about the wet sand I leave behind and contorts herself into some kind of position to get any bit of the bed. Loki tells her off when she tries to encroach on any of his half of the bed, and I heave a huge SIGH when she bothers my sleep. She can't go sleep on the couch because they cut it in half and moved half upstairs, which isn't big enough for her to lay on. She does sometimes go into the guest room to sleep on the hard normal bed, but that was during storms, and that was before she started putting a t-shirt on me.

Kelsey and Smokey, you really have to train harder in your anticipation of human food falling skills! You both should have been on that pumpkin pie the very second it hit that floor to clean it up. The key is being underfoot all the time, whether you are laying right in front of the fridge or oven (watch out for the oven, the falling things are very hot), or walking slowly beside the food carrying human, you have to be right there for the action. Sometimes bumping into the food carrying human creates great results as well, but be sure to "yip" in pain to make the human think that they stepped on you and caused the spill, not the other way around.

Just a few helpful tips from Meeshka

Humans Don't Like Help

Apparently humans don't like help.

For instance, the human woman was out early this morning (no, not in sleepy pants, although that is surprising) re-arranging our wood pile again. Just when we get the wood pile where we want it... in a not so pile, strewn throughout the yard actually, bits and pieces all over the place, she goes out and messes with our system.

We had tasty bits of sticks in one area, the fun to climb on big chunks in another area, and little tiny branches all over. We liked our system, and she ruined it.

So, we see her gathering the twigs and branches again and we tried to help. Ok, so Loki and Sam got into it trying to move the same branch, but they were just trash talking... there were no injuries (that wouldn't heal over time). I was doing my best to watch her with the branch cutters. Those things are pretty cool, but I could have done the same thing with my teeth. It still amuses me that humans have to go buy tools that let them do what comes naturally to us.

She kept yelling at me to get back. How on earth was I suppose to learn the tool if I can't watch while standing on the limb she's going to cut. I helped her with the twine. It was apparent that she wanted the whole spindle thing unwound, so I grabbed an end. Apparently that wasn't her plan. While she was chasing me, Sam peed on the rest of the twine.

It was at that point that she decided that we needed to go inside, so we couldn't help her anymore. We instead decided to jump on sickly human man, because he couldn't let us out (the human woman announced to him that he couldn't) so we pretty much tortured him for a good hour until we could go out again.

Sigh... there was the stick pile, even more smaller than before. The sticks keep disappearing, and we suspect that they get thrown over the fence where all of the dead things go.

The human woman has been hard at work implementing my howliday card ideas. I especially like my new one. Human language is silly sometimes, they have a different word for everything, and depending on where you come from on the earth, there's different words for the same thing.
So, here's the latest howliday card for your viewing pleasure:
Merry Whatever

Meeshka
(Queen of the dwindling stick pile)

What's a Husky To Do?

I wanted to clarify something that the human woman has been spreading around. She claims that I wake her up every morning JUST to steal her spot on the bed. She's so delusional. After all, I have her trained to scooch over to the very middle of the bed to allow me enough room for my fluffiness. Why on earth would I wake her up to take what I already have.

No, you see, the human woman is very lazy. If I let her, she'd sleep all day and all night. In the mornings, I actually let her get a small nap in after she gets up in the early morning to feed us, so I don't know what she has to complain about.

The reason I wake her up in the mornings, and then immediately take her spot on the bed is so she doesn't crawl BACK into bed and then its even harder to get her up again. She thinks I'm doing it to steal her spot, when in fact I'm doing her a favor and making sure she gets up to do the things she needs to do in the house, like feed me kleenex, and scratch my belly, and give me cool water, and take me out, let me in, take me out, let me in, take me out, etc.

So, just wanted to clear that up.

Today she was gone ALL DAY doing something for homeless northern breed potential HULA dogs. We stayed home with the human man, but he was very sick today. Barely got out of bed, but somehow found the strength to get up and feed us our lunch (he better had, sick or not, we need lunch). When she got home a HALF HOUR AFTER OUR NORMAL FEEDING TIME, we were very demanding. Something about that turkey that makes you crave it on a regular schedule. She made up to us for being gone all day and gave us an extra helping in our food, which we thanked her for with a claw.

I'm sure after being gone all day she'll want to go to bed early. That means (sigh) I'll have to work really hard at getting her up tomorrow.

Meeshka
(my work is never done)

Happy Turkey Day Everyhusky (and dog and doglet and Fu-Fu)

The human woman will claim that she spent the whole day slaving in front of a hot stove, but don’t let her fool you. She spent most of the time on the powerbook, so I wasn’t able to blog this morning.

The humans have gorged themselves silly on turkey and other things. We were given just a paltry thin slice of the tasty meat. I got so excited that I reared up to wave my paws with excitement, slipped on the tile floor and bonked my chin hard. The humans, at least, were very concerned about my well-being and didn’t laugh. My chin felt much better with the tasty turkey morsel, but it wasn’t nearly enough for healing purposes. We got a little bit more after they ate, but still, not enough to appease us. Rumor has it that dinner will be very tasty tonight, so I’m counting the minutes until dinner time for us.

Its oogie rainy and cold here again, so no sitting on my new throne. I’ve only been outside 2 times today, I’m trying to hold it so I don’t have to go out there. I’m like a sponge in the rain, and then I have to endure the horrible “rough towel” when I come in. I tend to wait until the human woman is leaning over me, then I shake. She loves that.

Oh, by the way, the human woman didn’t want to admit this on the blog, but she’s so pathetic that last night she realized that she had been wearing her sleepy pants inside out all day. Heaven forbid that anyone in the house (us) should notice something embarrassing. The next thing you know she’ll be wearing them out to stores and stuff, not just going out in them to check the mail. Apparently her human friend V in North Carolina says that wearing sleeping pants is ok to wear out to the store down there.

I’ve never lived in North Carolina, but old guy-guy Nova did, and he told me that its not too bad down there, but they hardly got any snow, so I don’t think I want to live there. If I can’t play in snow... wait a minute, we rarely get any here... so what’s the difference?

Ok, I think I’ll go take a nap now which will make the hours and hours until turkey dinner time go faster.

Meeshka
(more turkey please, my chin hurts)