HULA Corporate Sponsor

The Human Woman and man went out to breakfast (without us) the other day and much to her shock, the Human Woman found that the Husky United Liberation Army (HULA) now has a corporate sponsor: Dennys

Its subliminal advertising, but its a start... pretty soon we shall take over the world... one pancake at a time. 

mmmmm pancakes

- Meeshka

Poo Interupted

Woo everypup,

Its your Queen Meeshka.

Yes, I know its been a while since I blogged, but it is summer, and summer means those horrible thunderstorms, and it is July, and July means those stupid humans™ are setting off fireworks, and generally its been nerve wracking.

The human woman has purchased about a gazillion dollars in "calming" potions, lotions, gels, creams, caramels, treats, liquids, and poultices to help me through the loud noises, to no avail.  FINALLY Einstein gets a clue and ordered one of those Thundershirts off the interwebs.  Of course she did this AFTER the Independence Day weekend, and since we live in Merryland, where its required that bombs burst in air and rockets have a red glare, it was nothing but explosions, panting, clawing, and peeing.

Please note: if you want sympathy, pee on the carpet and not on the human's bed.  I'm just sayin from experience.

To top off the fun, the Mutatoe has developed a disabling fear of fireworks.  I still think he's trying to suck up and be just like me and faking it, but he'll go hide under something, or throw himself in his crate and stare in a catatonic state (and that's hard to do if you aren't a cat).  The human woman gave him some stuff called "rescue remedy", which is perfect, as he was rescued, and he could certainly use a remedy.  I'm pretty sure she gave him shot of tequila instead because he sat in one spot, stared into space and drooled, just like I've seen the Human Woman do when she's had too many chocolate martinis.


She ordered a Thundershirt for him too, and I'm sure he'll LOVE to wear it and will want to wear it all the time... because he's not right in the head.  I'm not too sure if I'm going to like it, or if it will work, but I assure you that one way or another, you'll get to hear about it, and most likely see the claw mark action photos on the Human Woman when she tries to put it on me.  I've worn a regular shirt before, and I contend that it didn't so much as calm me down, but more like embarrassed me so much that I would crawl under some place dark so nobody could see me or take pictures of me.

As you can see by the cool blog post by the Army of Four, not only did the bitch take a picture of me, but she combed me, AND make a stinking card out of my misery (for which I have yet to see any money from).

Oblivious Sam

The Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee Puppy Sam is totally oblivious to the fireworks and storms of course.  He also loves to go out and watch them, and will stand with his head up during a thunderstorm.  Why I am surrounded by such strange huskies?











So, in the meantime, I'm just hanging out inside with the suck up Mutatoe because every once in a while the stupid humans™ will shoot off more fireworks (even though the holiday has been over for FIVE FREAKING DAYS NOW!) which means that every time I go out to poo... a rocket goes off and I have to skitter into the house without having done my business.  This makes me cranky.

Cranky because the Human Woman didn't bother to purchase one of my very own Wunder Thunder Cloaking Robes and also because I really have to poo.

A Call To Paws Again

Just when we thought we had the radical squirrels under control, another faction emerges to do destruction upon the the very thing we rely on in these hot temperatures... cold air vents!

Yes, the radical squirrel terrorists are back at it again, their latest attack was upon a power station, as reported here in this news article.

The humans think they are cute and adorable and go absolutely whack job when one of these fuzzy tailed rats takes a peanut from their hand, but you and I know their true mission... Squirrelagedon!

Take action now, and obliterate the squirrels from your yard as fast as possible... before they knock out your cool air vent!.

- Meeshka

Orders From the Queen

Now go do my bidding!

-Meeshka

Show Her You Care

On this Mother's Day, make sure you pay a lot of attention to your Human Woman

My World Events

Hello all!  Its been a very busy time here in Meeshka World.

I'm sure you've all heard in the news about a certain President taking credit for the elimination of a rather pesky person.  Pffft.  Of course that's all a silly lie.  We all know that humans are incapable of doing anything around here without the help of HULA. 

All I had to do was wave one of my delicate little feety feet and the matter was taken care of by my loyal HULA Hoop members.  About the only thing they did get right was the name of the reactionary force that took care of the matter: Seal Team 6.  They are making the team to be all secrety secret and go on and on about how they can't show their faces because they were so ultra mega mega top secrety secret and junk... but the real reason is because the humans are too ashamed to admit that they can't do anything right, and its the animal world that has to fix everything for them.

So, here is your first look at Seal Team 6:

Sergeant Bubbles is currently appearing undercover at Sea World in Orlando.  Check out his show, he actually juggles three beach balls!

How To Drive The Human Woman Insane #9587

First, you find a spot to dig right next to the gate:

Then, when the Human Woman is laying paving stones down in your new dig spot, wash your delicate feety feet off in the water bowl and saunter throughout the house.

Its a win-win.

- Meeshka

Royal Wedding

I was going to go to the royal wedding...

... but the humans turned on the air vent. 

-Meeshka

The Coffee Answer

Dear Pups,

I wanted to thank all of you that suggested adding caffeine to the Human Woman's daily medicinal routine to get her a bit more mobile... unfortunately I neglected to add this picture of what the Human Woman looks like most of her waking day:

I'm thinking nothing short of electro-shock therapy will get her to move any faster, and although clawing is effective... I can only claw so much and apparently she slows down even more from the blood loss.

Thanks for the tip though.

- Meeshka

The Wonders of Modern Medicine

The other day, Zim contacted me because his human woman was negligent in her walking duties.

It seems that unlike my human woman, Zim and Dave get twice daily walks and get to go see things all the time.  They actually have an ocean, and a giant's castle, and they get close up sniffs of kitties and things.

Me... well, this is what I see every day:

Yeah... how... exciting.

Today we got to do this:

This is us... snoopervising the workmen at the crappy foreclosed house next door.  We can't play with them, or even sufficiently make sure they are doing a good job (and from the looks of it on our deck vantage point... they aren't)... but I digress.

Zim was upset because his human woman was unable to walk them because of the pollen and some stupid fires that were intentionally set to keep stupid cedar trees from taking over the prairie (whatever the prairie is), and as Turbo says... just stupid.

So I mentioned the myriad of pharmaceuticals my human woman dumps into her body on an average day, and suggested that their human woman go buy some of them.  For instance, this is what my human woman looks like without Zyrtec:

She's like a living zombie shuffling around.  We can barely get her to feed us when she's in a pollen stupor, and I won't even go into the gacking she makes from the post nasal drip stuff... she's disgusting actually, except for the tasty kleenex she leaves around.

But after popping some allergy pills, she's the picture of vibrancy and pep:

um... ok, she's a living zombie drinking coffee... and this is why we never get out of the yard, but apparently it worked for Zim and Dave, and now they are back to getting their walks again.

Us... not so much.

Meeshka

Human Woman Training

Yes, its been a while since I last posted, but I've been very busy with remedial training for the Human Woman.

Training humans is a constant thing, and if you neglect their training, they do stupid things like:

• Not give you a treat for doing simple things
• Not feed you on time
• Not pet you when you want them to, and try to pet you when you don't want them to
• Put their dinner in a high place where you can't get it
• Think that you are actually a guest in their house.

The Mutatoe has been making sure that the Human Woman realizes that she is allowed to sleep on the bed only because its convenient for us.

Sam is making sure that they come running for the slightest whimper or woo.

My job is to ensure adequate treat dispensing (speaking of... the stupid robin built another tweet dispenser on the deck... I can't wait), and to lower the human's expectations.

For example:

 

I want in.  I was just in, and asked to go out.  The reaction time to letting me out was too slow, therefore now I want in again, but since the humans hardly ever ask us if we want to go out, but always tell us to come in, I require a treat to come inside.  The only time I get offered a treat to go outside is when the humans NEED me to go outside for some reason... therefore we refuse to go outside.

This test is to ensure that clear signals are recognized by the human and acted upon immediately (pant, pant... that's an inside joke with the humans who won't explain it to me either, but they think its funny).

Anyhoo, I go outside and then immediately want to come back inside. 

• If your human lets you out, then lets you right back inside... you have a good human.  
• If your human lets you out, then right back inside, then out, then inside, then out again... you either have a very good human, or a really stupid one.
• If your human lets you out, then in, then refuses to let you out again, then pee on the carpet to demonstrate the importance of letting you out.
• If your human gets tired of holding the door open while you stand there and closes the door, then you should claw at the door furiously and scream loudly to shame them and they'll open the door to keep the neighbors from calling the ASPCA.
• If your human gets tired of holding the door open while you stand there, then bribes you to come, then you have them sufficiently trained.

 Please ensure that your humans are adequately trained.

On another note, I want to send a woo out to Diefenbaker and the crew for their pawsome rendition of the HULA anthem.  Seriously, you need to check out these vocals.  I'm disappointed that they were dropped from Canine Idol early in the season, but I'm sure their recording contract will prove they have the chops (mmm pork chops) to make it in the music scene.

If you have a rendition of the HULA anthem you'd like to share, then send me the link and I'll give you a woo out.

Meeshka