Sammy Freak Out

Well, it's been an exciting couple of weeks here in Meeshka's World.

Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog, Sam, decided that he wanted to freak out the Humans and get some attention.  I don't know why he feels he doesn't get any attention... none of us get lifted on and off the bed, or get to wear an embarrassing purse and helped up and down the stairs.  The Humans even hold him up when he takes a poo, so I'm pretty sure he gets more than his fair share of attention...

He clearly broke the rules as I was having a bit of gastro-intestinal upset because the Human Man kept dropping tasty almonds on the kitchen floor and let's just say... they didn't agree with me.  So, while I'm screeching to be let out every half hour at all hours of the day and night... Sam up and does this:

Yep, out of the blue, for no apparent reason, Sam started having nosebleeds!

Now, I know a bit about dogs and nosebleeds, and NOTHING good comes from that.  It only seemed to happen every time they forced him to go down the stairs to potty.  Sam hates the stairs.  Sam HATES the stairs, and he'll go to every length to avoid going down them, but this was a bit ridiculous if you ask me.  It was only bleeding in the right nostril for some reason.

So, they whisked Sam off to one vet, who thought he saw a little scratch up his right nostril.  Then they whisked him off to the regular vet who verified that it was only coming out of the right nostril, but couldn't see anything (probably because Sam doesn't like people messing with his nose, but anyway), so they stole some blood and gave him antibiotics to take.

Then on Tuesday the Humans whisked him off to the vet without any food and he spent the day taking a nap, getting x-rays and having his nasty teeth cleaned.
The vet thought that perhaps he had a nasty tooth that was invading his sinus, but the x-rays came back and...

NOTHING.

No sign of tumors (the biggest fear), no sign of dental encroachment... nothing.  No reason for his nose to bleed, AT.ALL.

Sigh... meanwhile I'm on a bland diet... actually we all are because when one suffers, we all suffer.

So, Tuesday night, Mr. Self Importance comes home all zonked out.

Dude... I'm so stoned

His breath is a lot better now, but if the Humans try to force him down the stairs and stress him out... he may have a nose bleed, so they've been very nice at bribing him to go down the stairs with treats and praise and blah blah, seriously?

Meanwhile I'm starving on this bland diet... more on that in another blog post because there's no way I'm sharing my misery with Sam.

He's much better, in case you were all worried.  He goes to his massage every other week still and this morning he was so pleased with his poop that he skittered all the way into the house looking like a spaz.

-Meeshka

Car Ride Roulette

Once again the Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog Sammy went in the car and came back gloating about how now he has three women doing his massage and warm toasty laser treatments, and about how all three of them were feeding him tasty treats while we were stuck at home.

After lunch, the Human Woman took Loki Mutatoe in the car.  This is truly unfair!  I totally expected him to come back with stories of being massaged on a nice cushy bed and being fed treats.

Apparently not.

The Human Woman said that my turn is next week.

I'm rethinking this whole "fun" car ride thing.

- Meeshka

SNOW!!!

We FINALLY got some snow!!!  Lots of snow!!!  Beautiful snow!!!!

We wanted to go run in it... but of course Bionic Hip/Knee Spineless Sammy wanted to run too

Don't know why she freaks out like that... snow is soft, if he falls he can't break too many things... he's pretty much out of original parts anyways.

- Meeshka

Pupdate

Yes, yes, yes, I know, it's been FOREVER since I've posted... sorry, been very busy, plus the human woman refused to move the computer near the cold air vent.  eeesh.

So... what's been going on.

Fleas for one.  Stupid things.  Can't get rid of them.  Ticks too.  It's the start of some kind of dogpocalypse or something I fear.  Ok, I blame the weather people for not giving us enough snow to kill those things off these past few years.  I better see some snow this year... just sayin.

The Spineless Bionic Hip, Knee dog, Sam, broke again.

This time they really thought he broke something important and expensive.  Luckily he just twerked his non-bionic hip and knee... or was that tweaked... I get those mixed up.

So, he was sequestered down in the official recovery room with the Human Man, and pampered like I should be getting pampered.

I told him that I knew he was making more of a deal out of it than he was acting, but he bribed me to keep quiet.  Hey, I'll take that.

Then the Human Man got sickly, so it was two sickly pack members downstairs and I was stuck upstairs with the Human Woman and the Mutatoe... ugh.  He took up the whole bed!

The Human Woman took us both for a walk to get us out of the house... probably to try to flee the horrible germs percolating in that house.

Then I decided that there was no way, no how, not ever, ever, ever I was EVER going to go into the yard again because the Human Woman hadn't "picked up" in a while.

Ok, seriously humans, you flush the porcelain water bowl every time you "go" into it, why is it so hard to "flush" our yard once in a blue moon?  Huh?

Since I refused to go in the yard, and apparently pooping on the deck is abso-fricken-lootly out of the question (per the Human Woman), the humans took matters into their own hands... meaning they put my harness on me and tried to convince me that leash walking me in the yard was the same as "taking a walk".  I was not fooled.

Two things came out of this incident:

1.) The Human Woman is very quick with cleaning the yard every day, and

2.) They got to try a new leash on me, which I'll be reviewing in my next post tomorrow, so stay tuned, you won't want to miss that festival of fun.

- Meeshka

Fleas on a Dog (I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas)

When I last left everyone, I was suffering from what the humans thought was my seasonal itchy skin allergy period... yeah, they are so clueless.

Shortly after finishing off the pred stuff (which made me really thirsty, hungry, and had to pee a lot) about a week later, I was back to itching again.  Harumpf!

More pred and a week after getting done with that, I WAS STILL ITCHY!!!

It just goes to show you how much attention they give us, because it took the Mutatoe and the Bionic Hip/Knee Spineless Sam to start itching before we got the once over... wanna guess what they found?

No, go ahead and guess!  I'm pretty sure you figured it out loooong before my humans did... yep

FLEAS!!!!  WE HAD FLEAS!!!!

Oh the woomanity!  How the heck can we get fleas, we never go anywhere?!?

We guessed it came from these pests

Those nasty little rodents are taking over our yard... OUR YARD!  Brazen little pests, they've been doing flash mobs in MY BACK YARD going after all of those tasty acorns that have fallen off the trees, and I'm guessing they're also bringing their nasty fleas with them and infecting MY YARD with chewy little pests! 

I literally had to shove my face in hers so she could see one of the little feeding frenzy bugs crawling on my snooter!

We immediately got the Frontline stuff put on us, and you would think that would have taken care of them, but NOOOO, these were superfleas that just laughed at the Frontline and continued using me as a buffet!

The Human Woman did some Googling and found that Petsmart carries the super-effective, kills them dead on contact, safe for dogs, made from some kind of flower but smells horrible Adams Flea Spray.

The Human Woman use to use this back when she was a vet tech, so she knew how effective and safe it was, so she immediately (and when I say immediately, I mean the next day) went out and stocked up on a few bottles.

They acted like nothing was going to happen that night.  We lay around all peaceful and happy, but itchy while they walked around speaking in hushed tones and skulked through the house putting down a sheet in the bathroom.

They're up to something....

Then they tricked the Mutatoe into coming into the bathroom by using their "happy, happy, lookie here, come into the bathroom so we can do horrible things to you" voice... he fell for it, he always falls for it.

The next thing you know, there are horrible smells coming from the closed bathroom door, and pathetic squeaking from the Mutatoe.  He came out looking like he had been drenched and smelling like chemical flowers.

Next it was Bionic hip/knee spineless Sam, who was helplessly carried into the bathroom... it sucks not to have a spine, they just tote you where they want you to go.

Once again, more nasty smells but no squeaking noises... because Sam is stoic, and then he comes out looking and smelling like a drowned rat.

It became abundantly clear that my turn was next...I didn't go quietly, that's for sure!

I'm also pretty sure they got more on themselves than me, and I made sure to rub myself on the bed afterwards.

Fine, so it did get rid of the fleas, and I'm slowly growing my tail floof back out... but still.

Meeshka

If It Quacks Like A Duck

Lately the bionic hip/knee pup Sam has been having problems getting up and down the stairs.  I think he just wants to be carried, but since he's slim on original parts, it could be that his warranty has run out and things are malfunctioning in there.  He does have a rather unique way of simply flinging himself down the stairs that is highly amusing... unless you happen to be at the bottom of the stairs when he comes barreling down.

To help him up and down the stairs, the Human Woman bought him a harness with a handle on it from those awesome folks over at Tripawds.  It's called "The Web Master" and for a while he thought that he would turn into the amazing Spider Dog when he put it on.  He's a bit delusional.

Of course the Human Woman has a name for it.  It can't simply be "the harness" because the Human Woman is also a bit delusional, and will probably soon be on an episode of Hoarders for her rabid purse addiction.

Yep, it's got a handle and carries something, so she calls it the Sammy purse.  Oh the woomanity!

I have to admit, it sorta does look like a purse

The Loki Pokey

HURRY UP!

I'm pretty sure I've already told you (a zillion times) how slow my Human Woman is.  She dawdles to the door when I have to pee, she dawdles opening the door up for me when I want to come inside, and most importantly, she DAWDLES when she feeds us!

First she'll yell out the annoying "Who wants food-food?" in that high pitched meant to be cute and adorable but its very painful to our sensitive ears double speak crap.  She gets us all worked up and hungry, and then she sloooooowly walks upstairs.  Sometimes she gets lost or distracted by something pretty and starts doing something else.  Meanwhile we're drooling in our EMPTY food bowls.

Then she'll manage to find her way upstairs and into the kitchen, where she may open the fridge and find the canned food, then sloooowly walks to the counter to place the dog food can.  Then she'll sloooowly gather the food bowls, perhaps remembering to do something in the middle of getting the food bowls and wandering off.  Meanwhile we're screaming at her to hurry up, and Mutatoe is gnawing on the water bowl.

Finally she'll get the bowls on the counter and open up the sacred food bin.  She has a scoop she uses to measure out our meager portion and she does it ONE FREAKIN SCOOP AT A TIME!!!  By now the spineless bionic hip/knee pup is springing in and out of the kitchen.

I finally had enough of this and took matters into my own hands.

Yeah, don't mind me, I'll just get it myself, thanks though.

- Meeshka

Poo Interupted

Woo everypup,

Its your Queen Meeshka.

Yes, I know its been a while since I blogged, but it is summer, and summer means those horrible thunderstorms, and it is July, and July means those stupid humans™ are setting off fireworks, and generally its been nerve wracking.

The human woman has purchased about a gazillion dollars in "calming" potions, lotions, gels, creams, caramels, treats, liquids, and poultices to help me through the loud noises, to no avail.  FINALLY Einstein gets a clue and ordered one of those Thundershirts off the interwebs.  Of course she did this AFTER the Independence Day weekend, and since we live in Merryland, where its required that bombs burst in air and rockets have a red glare, it was nothing but explosions, panting, clawing, and peeing.

Please note: if you want sympathy, pee on the carpet and not on the human's bed.  I'm just sayin from experience.

To top off the fun, the Mutatoe has developed a disabling fear of fireworks.  I still think he's trying to suck up and be just like me and faking it, but he'll go hide under something, or throw himself in his crate and stare in a catatonic state (and that's hard to do if you aren't a cat).  The human woman gave him some stuff called "rescue remedy", which is perfect, as he was rescued, and he could certainly use a remedy.  I'm pretty sure she gave him shot of tequila instead because he sat in one spot, stared into space and drooled, just like I've seen the Human Woman do when she's had too many chocolate martinis.


She ordered a Thundershirt for him too, and I'm sure he'll LOVE to wear it and will want to wear it all the time... because he's not right in the head.  I'm not too sure if I'm going to like it, or if it will work, but I assure you that one way or another, you'll get to hear about it, and most likely see the claw mark action photos on the Human Woman when she tries to put it on me.  I've worn a regular shirt before, and I contend that it didn't so much as calm me down, but more like embarrassed me so much that I would crawl under some place dark so nobody could see me or take pictures of me.

As you can see by the cool blog post by the Army of Four, not only did the bitch take a picture of me, but she combed me, AND make a stinking card out of my misery (for which I have yet to see any money from).

Oblivious Sam

The Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee Puppy Sam is totally oblivious to the fireworks and storms of course.  He also loves to go out and watch them, and will stand with his head up during a thunderstorm.  Why I am surrounded by such strange huskies?











So, in the meantime, I'm just hanging out inside with the suck up Mutatoe because every once in a while the stupid humans™ will shoot off more fireworks (even though the holiday has been over for FIVE FREAKING DAYS NOW!) which means that every time I go out to poo... a rocket goes off and I have to skitter into the house without having done my business.  This makes me cranky.

Cranky because the Human Woman didn't bother to purchase one of my very own Wunder Thunder Cloaking Robes and also because I really have to poo.