Prepare for the Day

HULA operatives!

I will be reporting soon on a very important training mission that will determine our readiness to take over the world. Please stand by for this most important announcement in the next day or two.

In the meantime, I've receive a covert report from Agent 00K9 on training activities underway:

Dear Queen Meeshka, With great pleasure, I have covertly been contributing to your plan of overthrowing the human world. Since I last checked in with you, oh mighty leader, I have stolen another sandwich left unguarded, escaped a few times out the front door when unsuspecting humans visited my home and best of all on one of those escapes I chased the neighbors cat. Yes! It was fantastic. How dare that feline patrol my front yard. It was imperative that I set it straight. I allowed the feline to escape as it was much more pleasurable to listen to the humans scream in fear of its life. You would have enjoyed the sight of my human woman jumping up and down in her pink fuzzy housecoat as I chased that cat across the street and up the fence. I’ve laughed for months during my incarceration. Yes, it’s true. The human woman has been containing me during visits of other humans; just in case I decided to show them how easy it is to manipulate them. Back to the topic at hand, play fighting. Normally I am viscous in my relentless attempts to bring down the other gimpy dogs. I always attack at the throat bringing them down in the Caribou style. But I have decided that I must confuse the humans in this war. I must stay a step ahead of them in my pursuit of freedom and power for all huskies. The human woman brought home yet another dog that she calls a rescue. This one is a malamute puppy, a small whiny little thing that supposedly has a genetic defect and won’t become taller than me. There is no challenge in bringing that little runt down. But I watch carefully for the times that she brings out that camera thingy. As soon as it appears I confuse the humans by acting as if I am innocent. I have attached a picture of my innocent looking self with the runt. Little do they know that as soon as their backs are turned I slam it down and make it whine. It’s great fun. Human steps out, I look innocent and sweet.


Door shuts, I slam the little booger and the human steps out and yells at the other dogs!
Got to love it.

Keep up the fight,
Agent OOK9

How We "Play"

Fu-Fu asked if the humans play with us. Well, they do, but its kind of a long story (which I'll interupt here to say that the human woman bought MORE sleepy pants today).

Unlike most dogs, we huskies are always plotting, planning, scheming, and thinking. We don't have time for "play" like other dogs who aren't trying to take over the world. We have devious things we want to do, so while we do "play" its actually covert training for our master plan.

For instance, some dogs like to play "tug o' war". Huskies will humor the humans for a bit, but generally we feel that if we want something, we'll just take it. There's no need to tug and fight over something with the humans, when eventually they'll go off and do something else, and we'll go steal a pot roast from a counter.

Some dogs play "fetch". Huskies feel that if the human didn't want the ball, they shouldn't have thrown it, and if they want it back, they can just walk over and get it themselves. Sure we may chase after the ball while its rolling, but that's part of our covert training to track down and kill small woodland creatures.

Here are some training techniques that are disguised as "games" that huskies will play:

• Gut the squeeky toy (bonus points for fastest times)
• Riccochet bed (leaping off and on the bed, using it as a springboard)
• Dig to China or freedom (whichever comes first)
• Sink Sucking (the humans leave so much good tasty things on their plates)
• Important Paper Shred (if its put up somewhere, it must be important)
• Cushy Hoarding (gather as many cloth items as possible and lay on it)
• Drop Kong on Bare Feet
• Wolf vs Caribou

Wolf vs Caribou is a very important training tool. In our case, we play Wolf vs Annoying Caribou. One husky is the wolf, the other husky is the caribou. In our case, Sam and I are the wolves, and Loki is the annoying caribou. The object of this game is to stalk, chase, drag down, and savage the annoying caribou. Per the human woman's rule, we can't savage him so much that he squeeks, so we'll give her that one, but sometimes its just too easy to get carried away with the game and we forget the rule.

So, the question was: "Do the humans play with us", and the answer is: sorta.
We like an audience when we do our training, so they are usually standing around watching us and saying things like "oh, look at them play, they're so happy". Meanwhile we're thinking "hehehe, we have them so fooled, we're on a training mission"

Meeshka
(Commander, HULA Forces)

Odds (no, not the gimpies) and Ends

The humans have been home for four whole days and frankly I'm sick of them being around. The human woman mentioned something about going back to work tomorrow (complaining as usual), and frankly, I need some peace and quiet.

To answer some questions left as comments:

The humans are too paranoid to give us our own dog door. We'd probably never come back inside, unless it was to get our bed time treats and to hog the bed. They feel that left to our own devices, we would just do evil in the yard, and would have dug under the fence (despite their devious attempts with concrete and chicken wire) while they slept. They control us with a tight leash, which is why we fight the leash of oppression.

The stick pile continues to dwindle away. Sometimes I think she just re-arranges it into interesting shapes to make it look smaller, but I do suspect she's stealing valuable and tasty limbs and doing something with them.

You have it lucky Zim. When I come in from the rain and get into bed, the human woman just complains about the wet sand I leave behind and contorts herself into some kind of position to get any bit of the bed. Loki tells her off when she tries to encroach on any of his half of the bed, and I heave a huge SIGH when she bothers my sleep. She can't go sleep on the couch because they cut it in half and moved half upstairs, which isn't big enough for her to lay on. She does sometimes go into the guest room to sleep on the hard normal bed, but that was during storms, and that was before she started putting a t-shirt on me.

Kelsey and Smokey, you really have to train harder in your anticipation of human food falling skills! You both should have been on that pumpkin pie the very second it hit that floor to clean it up. The key is being underfoot all the time, whether you are laying right in front of the fridge or oven (watch out for the oven, the falling things are very hot), or walking slowly beside the food carrying human, you have to be right there for the action. Sometimes bumping into the food carrying human creates great results as well, but be sure to "yip" in pain to make the human think that they stepped on you and caused the spill, not the other way around.

Just a few helpful tips from Meeshka

Humans Don't Like Help

Apparently humans don't like help.

For instance, the human woman was out early this morning (no, not in sleepy pants, although that is surprising) re-arranging our wood pile again. Just when we get the wood pile where we want it... in a not so pile, strewn throughout the yard actually, bits and pieces all over the place, she goes out and messes with our system.

We had tasty bits of sticks in one area, the fun to climb on big chunks in another area, and little tiny branches all over. We liked our system, and she ruined it.

So, we see her gathering the twigs and branches again and we tried to help. Ok, so Loki and Sam got into it trying to move the same branch, but they were just trash talking... there were no injuries (that wouldn't heal over time). I was doing my best to watch her with the branch cutters. Those things are pretty cool, but I could have done the same thing with my teeth. It still amuses me that humans have to go buy tools that let them do what comes naturally to us.

She kept yelling at me to get back. How on earth was I suppose to learn the tool if I can't watch while standing on the limb she's going to cut. I helped her with the twine. It was apparent that she wanted the whole spindle thing unwound, so I grabbed an end. Apparently that wasn't her plan. While she was chasing me, Sam peed on the rest of the twine.

It was at that point that she decided that we needed to go inside, so we couldn't help her anymore. We instead decided to jump on sickly human man, because he couldn't let us out (the human woman announced to him that he couldn't) so we pretty much tortured him for a good hour until we could go out again.

Sigh... there was the stick pile, even more smaller than before. The sticks keep disappearing, and we suspect that they get thrown over the fence where all of the dead things go.

The human woman has been hard at work implementing my howliday card ideas. I especially like my new one. Human language is silly sometimes, they have a different word for everything, and depending on where you come from on the earth, there's different words for the same thing.
So, here's the latest howliday card for your viewing pleasure:
Merry Whatever

Meeshka
(Queen of the dwindling stick pile)

What's a Husky To Do?

I wanted to clarify something that the human woman has been spreading around. She claims that I wake her up every morning JUST to steal her spot on the bed. She's so delusional. After all, I have her trained to scooch over to the very middle of the bed to allow me enough room for my fluffiness. Why on earth would I wake her up to take what I already have.

No, you see, the human woman is very lazy. If I let her, she'd sleep all day and all night. In the mornings, I actually let her get a small nap in after she gets up in the early morning to feed us, so I don't know what she has to complain about.

The reason I wake her up in the mornings, and then immediately take her spot on the bed is so she doesn't crawl BACK into bed and then its even harder to get her up again. She thinks I'm doing it to steal her spot, when in fact I'm doing her a favor and making sure she gets up to do the things she needs to do in the house, like feed me kleenex, and scratch my belly, and give me cool water, and take me out, let me in, take me out, let me in, take me out, etc.

So, just wanted to clear that up.

Today she was gone ALL DAY doing something for homeless northern breed potential HULA dogs. We stayed home with the human man, but he was very sick today. Barely got out of bed, but somehow found the strength to get up and feed us our lunch (he better had, sick or not, we need lunch). When she got home a HALF HOUR AFTER OUR NORMAL FEEDING TIME, we were very demanding. Something about that turkey that makes you crave it on a regular schedule. She made up to us for being gone all day and gave us an extra helping in our food, which we thanked her for with a claw.

I'm sure after being gone all day she'll want to go to bed early. That means (sigh) I'll have to work really hard at getting her up tomorrow.

Meeshka
(my work is never done)

Happy Turkey Day Everyhusky (and dog and doglet and Fu-Fu)

The human woman will claim that she spent the whole day slaving in front of a hot stove, but don’t let her fool you. She spent most of the time on the powerbook, so I wasn’t able to blog this morning.

The humans have gorged themselves silly on turkey and other things. We were given just a paltry thin slice of the tasty meat. I got so excited that I reared up to wave my paws with excitement, slipped on the tile floor and bonked my chin hard. The humans, at least, were very concerned about my well-being and didn’t laugh. My chin felt much better with the tasty turkey morsel, but it wasn’t nearly enough for healing purposes. We got a little bit more after they ate, but still, not enough to appease us. Rumor has it that dinner will be very tasty tonight, so I’m counting the minutes until dinner time for us.

Its oogie rainy and cold here again, so no sitting on my new throne. I’ve only been outside 2 times today, I’m trying to hold it so I don’t have to go out there. I’m like a sponge in the rain, and then I have to endure the horrible “rough towel” when I come in. I tend to wait until the human woman is leaning over me, then I shake. She loves that.

Oh, by the way, the human woman didn’t want to admit this on the blog, but she’s so pathetic that last night she realized that she had been wearing her sleepy pants inside out all day. Heaven forbid that anyone in the house (us) should notice something embarrassing. The next thing you know she’ll be wearing them out to stores and stuff, not just going out in them to check the mail. Apparently her human friend V in North Carolina says that wearing sleeping pants is ok to wear out to the store down there.

I’ve never lived in North Carolina, but old guy-guy Nova did, and he told me that its not too bad down there, but they hardly got any snow, so I don’t think I want to live there. If I can’t play in snow... wait a minute, we rarely get any here... so what’s the difference?

Ok, I think I’ll go take a nap now which will make the hours and hours until turkey dinner time go faster.

Meeshka
(more turkey please, my chin hurts)

Stick Pile Update

So, you may be wondering why I'm lounging and pouting under an end table. I thought you'd never ask!

The human woman has been working hard to organize our stick pile, and doing a great job. She's got a pile of small, tasty, easy to chew and break sticks in one pile. There is the fun to climb on large limb pile, and she has uncovered my own personal throne, which is the stump of a tree. I love sitting on that stump. I would show you a picture, but I'm too busy pouting.

You see, its raining out. For those of you who don't know me (shame on you), I don't like the rain. The rain makes me less fluffy. Its wet. I don't like my delicate and tiny feet to get wet, and I don't like it when I'm not to my full fluffiness when I'm wet. Therefore, I'm pouting under the end table.

There has been some misunderstanding with my new tree stump throne, and that is that Loki thinks its HIS throne. He is sadly mistaken, and I've had to chase him off of it a few times with my skitter/screech approach. He just laughs and bounces away. That boy just doesn't know when to take things seriously. I had to chase him around the yard the other day because he barked, and barked, and barked at Sam until I couldn't stand it any longer and was forced to chase him. He made the mistake of getting cornered near the shed. You would think he would learn after that, but no. The moment I taught him a lesson, he just runs right back and attacks me. He's not very bright.

Word of warning to everyhusky (and dog) some moron by the name of Justin is posting comments with a link on a lot of blogs. He left one on mine, but the A04 warned me about him. Apparently if you click on the link it takes you to fur-less and clothes-less humans, and also downloads viruses to your computer. If you see a comment from some idiot named Justin, don't click on the link. Report his butt to blogger (I doubt they'd do anything, they're too busy keeping the old blogger up with duct tape) and maybe we can get him booted. I just wouldn't click on ANY comment links from now on, so don't bother leaving any, or clicking any of them.

Meeshka
(stop the rain so I can sit on my new throne!)

Look at Our Fun New Gift!

Today started out to be a very boring day. The human woman left for a while, came back smelling like a pet cemetery, the human man stayed home, but he was reading stupid books and didn't pay us much attention. That's fine, because normally sunday is sleep day, but still.

Human woman gets home, and then there's a knock on the door! OOH, was it the guy that brings the good smelling boxes that the humans don't share with us?
No
Was it the guy that brings the little white boxes of good smelling stuff that the humans don't share with us?
No
It was some guy, and for some reason because that guy was around, we couldn't go outside. Then there was a whole bunch of noise out back, and we wanted to go investigate the noise, but the humans wouldn't let us... but I snuck a peek in the kitchen window, and it was the guy in the tree!

After what seemed like forever, the guy in the tree finally left, and the human woman let us outside, and this is what we found:

Look at what the tree limb fairy left for us! There is an absolutely HUGE pile of limbs in our yard, just for us! We sniffed the limbs, and tried to climb into the limbs (the human woman yelled at us) and played keep away around the limbs, and generally tried to be helpful, but the human woman wasn't having any of that.

Apparently all of these limbs came from our trees, and apparently one of the trees is actually laying on the ground now. They got a good deal from the guy cutting down the limbs and trees, and part of that deal was that we have to clean up the limbs! We'll have limbs to chew on for a looooong time! Maybe some woodland creatures will move into the limbs and we can eat them. The human woman managed to cut up and bag some of the limbs, but she thinks it may take her a long time to do it, but we'll be out there to help her too, so it'll be no time before we have those pesky limbs all piled up neatly. We'll have so much fun with our new obstacle course!

Meeshka
(Just LOOK at those limbs!)

Wooo!

WOOO!
Wooo woooooooooo

Wooooo, sniff, woowooooooooooo

Woooo wowowow!

Woooo? WOOOOOO!

Dog Translation:
BARK!

Bark, bark, bark, yip

Bark, sniff, barkbarkbarkbarkbark

Bark yip!

Bark? bark bark!

Meeshka
(let the humans figure out that one!)

Who Ordered This Crappy Weather?

As most of you on the East Coast know, we had some really crappy weather today. Its November... it should be snowing, but what do we have? Torrential downpours, wind, and THUNDER. Oh yeah, so you know what that means, right...

Yep, the shirt. Unbelievable. The human woman has just sucked the life blood from me, taken away the very claw I live by, no more fun, no more making her run from me... she gets out the shirt at the first crack of thunder and renders me harmless. There is no joy in Meeshkaworld.

On top of that, I've been getting some pretty irate comments and even e-mails from dogs blaming me for their humans reading our innermost thoughts and secrets here on Meeshkaworld, and using it to their advantage. Um... hello? Did I not tell everyhusky (and dog) that this was PRIVATE for us only? Why are you allowing your humans to read our secret HULA plotting and planning? I tell you these things so that you can be aware of them, and plot tactics to get out of shirts, stop the non-stinky things, and get good food from them! I don't post them so they can read it and thwart our attempts to take over the world.

For instance, I get this e-mail from Sasha:

So, OK, I don't like rain. Big deal. It gets my nice coat wet and soggy, and it's noisy, and I don't like it. So the human woman apparently heard about some magic cure for not liking rain from Meeshka's human woman.
Why do we let them talk? So she comes down with a tee shirt. And then she put it on ME!! I don't wear tshirts.

Then, just in case things aren't bad enough, she takes my picture. Look how stupid I look.
Once I"m done pouting (and the rain's over) I'll think of some good way to get her back. If anyone has any suggestions, please post them to Meeshka's blog. I'll read it, even though I'm not talking to Meeshka. She's the one that got me into this mess in the first place.
Sasha, in a stupid shirt.

Can you believe that?? She's blaming ME for her wearing a shirt! Well Sasha, if you kept the blog hidden from your human (like all of you should be doing) then you wouldn't HAVE to wear a stupid t-shirt! So don't be blaming me when all of your humans buy stupid trash cans, non-stinky spray and put you in t-shirts!

Meeshka
(try to help huskies out and they turn on you... no good breed goes unpunished. harumpf!

It Doesn't Stink

Since there has been a lot of hoopla and concern over this new miracle liquid the human woman has purchased, I thought I’d clarify a few things.

It has NO smell! No smell at all! Its completely odorless! No frou-frou smell, no fake flower smell, no fake piney smell... nothing. Its as if nobody had been there at all!

Everyone must block the following website: zero odor

It is EVIL! EVIL I TELL YOU!

Some also wondered about the special guest post from Sasha. Sasha has posted before on my blog, and other have as well, when they have something important to say. Sasha, Ray, and Isis worked very hard at driving their human man insane last night while their human woman went out to some foul store to buy things. I only felt that their accomplishments showed what potential we all have to drive our humans insane. I plan on continuing “Drive your humans insane week” tonight with something annoying, just haven’t figure out what yet. I prefer to work spur of the moment, whereas the gimpy mutatoe plots and schemes and plans and then gleefully brags about his exploits. Yes, he’s fine after his award winning puke on the area rug and mole killing. He made a desperate attempt at attention when he stole something off the bedroom end table and then guarded it.

I’ll never understand him. He steals and hoards. Doesn’t chew it up, doesn’t destroy it, just hoards. When he first came here, he’d steal every towel, blanket, pillow, or dirty piece of clothing, pile it up and lay on it. Sam, at least, use to drag the sheets into his crate and suck on them back when we were crated in the bedroom. he also managed to shred a down comforter by dragging it into his crate and sucking on that. It looked like it snowed in the bedroom. Human woman was not pleased, as apparently its very difficult to sew a sucked on, ripped down comforter without spewing feathers all over.

Oh, another thing, the human woman raked some leaves into a pile for the mutatoe. He LOVES laying in leaf piles. Makes him feel very important or something. The odd thing is... he pees on the leaf pile, then lays in the leaves. Ok, euw.

One last note... Holly.... don’t eat the bowl, just carry it around wherever the humans go and throw it ON their bare feet. If that fails, push button phones don’t require opposable thumbs, so dial your local SPCA and report this “diet” crap to them. I’m sure they’ll pick you up and feed you.

Meeshka