Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008 Lessons Learned

Hello everypup (and kit, and hamsterrior) it is me, your Queen with the 2008 Human Lessons Learned.

Lesson #1: No good deed goes unpunished, so if you continue to do good deeds, do them anonymously so that nobody can come blame you for doing something nice. At the very least, when accused of doing something nice, always point to someone else and say "that person told me to" then run.

Lesson #2: When all else fails: nap. Napping never hurt anyone, and at the very least you can say that you actually accomplished something.

Lesson #3: Dogs eat first, humans second. Don't listen to those stupid behaviorists, what do they know? If they knew, they would be dogs and would want to eat first too.

Lesson #4: Let us go down the stairs first instead of the other way around. Although the same behaviorists think that going first shows who is in charge... the person "in charge" is more effective when they don't have a broken leg when we push them down the stairs because they walk so freakin slow when we have to pee.

Lesson #5: You look really stupid yelling "hurry up and poop" outside where the world can hear you... so keep doing it, it makes us laugh and also makes us look for a spot longer because who can poop when they're laughing, plus it makes you yell louder and that's even funnier.

Lesson #6: Stop asking "do you want lunch?" and then shrieking when you get clawed or teeth pinched. You know the routine, get with it and stop dawdling.

Lesson #7: Humans are very hard to train, and no doubt that this year we'll have to go over and over the same lessons again, just like we did last year.

Here's hoping that 2009 will be profitable for everyone BUT those being bailed out, those that gave them the bailout, and that our humans get repaid their bailout bucks in livergreat.

Meeshka

Friday, December 26, 2008

Brilliant!

Finally the humans are thinking right!

For years they've gone around slathered in musk, which (if you didn't know) is from a gland in the Musk Ox that is situated between its stomach and genitals. I mean, come on, the humans complain about squeezing our anal glands when they should be rejoicing in the free "scent" they've been paying a gazillion bucks to wear and attract females. Seriously, I don't know who the marketing genius for Musk Ox is, but anyone that can convince a human to buy a scent that only attracts a female musk ox is brilliant. I'm guessing this marketing genius is the same human that came up with "Flame".

Yes, Burger King has released the "scent" of a flamed broiled Whopper, because hey, all of those fast food workers are so irresistible to the opposite sex that they have very little private time off of their shift to do anything but do the "cha-cha". Nothing says "oodles of money" like someone that smells like a hamburger. Its the smell of success. Its the smell of the new sexy, I mean, come on, one look at this video and you know you humans want to run out and buy a vat of the stuff, there's nothing totally creepy about this at all:

Come one, even I'm weirded out by this thing!

But hey, whatever! I'm all for it actually. Its much better to smell than those frou frou perfumey icky things that get sprayed, rubbed, slathered, and moussed onto a human. The only "good" I see coming from this is:
I'm holding out for the livergreat spray!

Meeshka

Thursday, December 25, 2008

HULA Activities

I have been remiss in posting our latest Husky United Liberation Army (HULA) nominees lately. I think the lack of submissions have been due, in part, to humans trying to tell us that we have to be very good or else Santa Claws will not bring them anything for X-mas. Pffffft!

We all know that Santa Claws rewards those that do good things in the name of HULA, and therefore today, I am posting a news clip of HULA Operative 1,495 (anonymous, as this operative is undercover) for taking the initiative and going out to get what is rightfully theirs.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com



Congratulations HULA Operative 1,495, that's the way to take matters in your own paws.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Holiday Public Service Announcement


While sugar plums and other things are dancing in your heads, I wanted to take a moment to tell all of you pups (and kitties and hamsterriers) to remind your humans that while they have some time off and are recuperating from their festive holiday gluttony (I hope they share some of that with you) they need to take care of one little housekeeping chore that often gets overlooked: cleaning out the dryer hose.

According to Consumer Reports, over 4,000 of the 13,000 house fires are caused by dryers, and mostly from dryers with lint clogged vent hoses.

As a very fluffy husky, I can tell you that the human woman pulls enough fluff out of the dryer daily to fill up the Grand Canyon, so you know there's plenty more in that bendy flexible tube thing that carries the air and more fluff outside. You need to get your humans to disconnect the hose thing and really get in there with a duster thingie or even a vacuum and get all that nasty lint stuff (and escaping socks and small unfortunate critters) out of there so it doesn't catch on fire.

If you don't have a vacuum or a dryer lint thing, then you can also use a Mutatoe, since the deformed claw catches on rugs, clothes, and human flesh, its ideal for the job.

Remember, only you can prevent fluffy dryer fires, and happy holidays.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Tagged

A lot of you may have noticed that I get nominated for awards, and tagged, and a bunch of other stuff, but I typically don't respond or do what I'm told. Please don't be offended. Being the Queen of the world does take up a lot of time, and I just refuse to give up my regularly scheduled nap times.

Plus, I would like to remind all of you that I am a Siberian Husky: "Siberians are trainable to a certain degree, but patience is necessary. They are independent in nature and not given to blind obedience to every command." says the AKC standard. I would also like to point out that if you go to the Wikipedia entry on Siberian Huskies, and look at the picture that demonstrates eyes... oh yeah, that's me.

So, I do things when I want, and (much like an Illinois Governor) will ask "what's in it for me"... plus my human woman is a moron.

Now, that being said, I am going to bow to a tag whim, simply because it came from Kara's human woman. Yes, Kara's human woman tagged me on her blog, and since Kara's human woman was nice enough to give me an autographed picture of her... even though she spelled my name wrong... sigh... yeah, I bet you thought I forgot about that little incident, uh huh... riiiight.

Anyhoo,
The rules to the game are: You've gotta go to the photo archives on your computer, go into the 6th folder, count up to the 6th picture and post it on your blog along with the story that goes with it.

First of all, the human woman only has five fingers on one hand, therefore its hard for her to hold her latte and count higher than five, but I counted for her, and here is the picture in question:
While most of you are assuming that this is a beautiful example of husky engineering, well, I'd like to take credit for this masterpiece, but actually, this is what happens when you have a deck built. You spend a zillion dollars on fill dirt, break your backs carting it into the back yard, squishing it with a roller thing, then plant grassy grass and baby that grassy grass until you get a wonderfully lush and rich back yard, then contractors come in with a big device and rip the whole yard to shreds and dig holes that Jimmy Hoffa could fit in.

We tried to barter with the contractors to leave the big hole digging thing by bribing them with a half of a biscuit and a giggly wiggly ball that no longer giggled, but they took the wonderful machine with them. The humans tried to fence us out of those wonderful dirt zone with fencing, that we simply jumped over and played in the really big holes... it was glorious.

Ok, there ya go. Now I'm tagging Huffle Mawson Explorer cat, but not telling her because I've already encroached 5 minutes on my regularly scheduled nap.

Meeshka

Monday, December 15, 2008

Happy Birthday Charlie



I just wanted to wish Charlie a big ol happy birthday!!!

I was going to post a picture of myself in the buff with just my fluff... but he's got a bionic ticker and I didn't want to send him over the edge.

Meeshka

Friday, December 12, 2008

Camoflauge


The evil squirrels have been trespassing in my yard again, so I have a plan to catch them.

I dressed up as a leaf pile and I'm laying very still and quiet, just waiting for them to come out of the trees and into my yard, at which point I'll leap up with superhusky quickness and get those squirrels.

So far they aren't fooled by my disguise. Maybe I need some more leaves.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Claws Action Lawsuit

I have just perused the latest blogs of all of my royal subjects and have found so many where my regal and beautiful friends have been dressed up in all manner of silly and ridiculous human clothes that I am dispatching this immediate Claws Action Lawsuit against ALL HUMANS!!!!

You will cease and desist the dressing up of all pups and cats, gerbils, and birds in silly smaller renditions of human clothing. No more hats, wigs, beards, antlers, feather boas (especially on boa constrictors), no dangling christmas tree ornaments or tinsel from fluff or fur, no sprinkles or sparkles, no glitter, no fake icicles, stop it, stop it, stop it this very minute!!!!!

I hear you laughing and commenting on what pained expressions your poor loving dog or cat has while wearing the ridiculous santa beard, or santa hat.... and yet you continue to do it... WHY????

I will be making the rounds of blogs tomorrow and if I see one more poor pup, cat, or royal subject of any kind being humiliated and dressed up... you will know my claw humans!!!!

Meeshka
(cranky, and yet soft and fluffy)