The Thundershirt

As some of you may know, the Human Woman finally went and purchased 2 thundershirts lately.  She only "needed" one for me, but since the Mutatoe has to do everything like me, she had to buy him one so he wouldn't feel left out and cry like a girly dog when he didn't have a pretty dress to wear... he's so embarrassing.

So... in review:

• I don't like storms or fireworks.  
• I pee in the house when it thunders or loud fireworks goes off (my little way of saying "screw you loud noises", 
• and then I pant and pace and claw the Human Woman bloody.

Its fun.  She doesn't think so.  She has no sense of humor and really REALLY thin skin that bleeds a LOT.

Anyhoo, she heard all of these wonderful things about the Thundershirt™ and watched the videos all slack jawed and amazed, and immediately ordered 2 and had them shipped jiffy quick because we had a lot of storms and she was low of plasma.

Meanwhile we had some doozy storms and chaos, mayhem and lots of clawing.  When she wasn't being clawed, she was hitting the refresh button on the tracking number for the package.

FINALLY the Thundershirts arrived and... no storms.  Nothing.  Weeks went by, and no storms. 

Frankly, I was fine with that and was satisfied that the Thundershirt did its work by warding off all of the evil storms in the world.  Job well done... bravo.

Then last night...

The humans had just settled into bed early (because they're getting old and senile) and we pups had done our usual bed rearranging and space shifting and I was laying on my cold air vent when...

boooom

I knew it was thunder because the humans were whispering and turned the tv up.  They try to fool me into believing its a jet, or loud car, or that vroomy motorcycle thing, but

BOOOOOM

Yep, no doubt about it, it was thunder, so I jumped on the bed and began clawing and panting, as usual.

That's when the Human Woman pulled out the Thundershirt, and I made a dash for my life.  No way was I wearing that thing again.  She put it on me when it first arrived and I humored her, let her take a picture of me, post it on Facebook (where she CLAIMS she has friends) and bragged about how easy it was to put on.

She chased me with that thing into the kitchen, I ran around the kitchen table, she followed.  We ran around the kitchen table about 10 times with me in the lead, just out of her reach.  She tried the soothing screechy voice thing, but I wasn't fooled.  She grabbed a handful of those very tasty calming caramel things that she got from the pet store to bribe me with.  They are very tasty, but she can only give me 3 of them (per the label) and frankly I think I should get about... the whole bag... very tasty.  After the 15th circle around the table, she gave up all pretenses and just started cursing and using the "when I get ahold of you" voice, and I finally dashed into the living room and was going to hop into my crate (which is home free and they can't touch us), but the bitch had closed and locked the doors!  She's evil.

I dashed into the corner hoping to throw her off, but she followed and trapped me, and then there was no escaping it until she dropped the caramels by mistake and then it was GAME ON!

She's right... it does calm and soothe me during storms.  I had to lay down from exhaustion after all of that running and then clawing her while she was trapped.

-Meeshka

HURRY UP!

I'm pretty sure I've already told you (a zillion times) how slow my Human Woman is.  She dawdles to the door when I have to pee, she dawdles opening the door up for me when I want to come inside, and most importantly, she DAWDLES when she feeds us!

First she'll yell out the annoying "Who wants food-food?" in that high pitched meant to be cute and adorable but its very painful to our sensitive ears double speak crap.  She gets us all worked up and hungry, and then she sloooooowly walks upstairs.  Sometimes she gets lost or distracted by something pretty and starts doing something else.  Meanwhile we're drooling in our EMPTY food bowls.

Then she'll manage to find her way upstairs and into the kitchen, where she may open the fridge and find the canned food, then sloooowly walks to the counter to place the dog food can.  Then she'll sloooowly gather the food bowls, perhaps remembering to do something in the middle of getting the food bowls and wandering off.  Meanwhile we're screaming at her to hurry up, and Mutatoe is gnawing on the water bowl.

Finally she'll get the bowls on the counter and open up the sacred food bin.  She has a scoop she uses to measure out our meager portion and she does it ONE FREAKIN SCOOP AT A TIME!!!  By now the spineless bionic hip/knee pup is springing in and out of the kitchen.

I finally had enough of this and took matters into my own hands.

Yeah, don't mind me, I'll just get it myself, thanks though.

- Meeshka

HULA Corporate Sponsor

The Human Woman and man went out to breakfast (without us) the other day and much to her shock, the Human Woman found that the Husky United Liberation Army (HULA) now has a corporate sponsor: Dennys

Its subliminal advertising, but its a start... pretty soon we shall take over the world... one pancake at a time. 

mmmmm pancakes

- Meeshka

Poo Interupted

Woo everypup,

Its your Queen Meeshka.

Yes, I know its been a while since I blogged, but it is summer, and summer means those horrible thunderstorms, and it is July, and July means those stupid humans™ are setting off fireworks, and generally its been nerve wracking.

The human woman has purchased about a gazillion dollars in "calming" potions, lotions, gels, creams, caramels, treats, liquids, and poultices to help me through the loud noises, to no avail.  FINALLY Einstein gets a clue and ordered one of those Thundershirts off the interwebs.  Of course she did this AFTER the Independence Day weekend, and since we live in Merryland, where its required that bombs burst in air and rockets have a red glare, it was nothing but explosions, panting, clawing, and peeing.

Please note: if you want sympathy, pee on the carpet and not on the human's bed.  I'm just sayin from experience.

To top off the fun, the Mutatoe has developed a disabling fear of fireworks.  I still think he's trying to suck up and be just like me and faking it, but he'll go hide under something, or throw himself in his crate and stare in a catatonic state (and that's hard to do if you aren't a cat).  The human woman gave him some stuff called "rescue remedy", which is perfect, as he was rescued, and he could certainly use a remedy.  I'm pretty sure she gave him shot of tequila instead because he sat in one spot, stared into space and drooled, just like I've seen the Human Woman do when she's had too many chocolate martinis.


She ordered a Thundershirt for him too, and I'm sure he'll LOVE to wear it and will want to wear it all the time... because he's not right in the head.  I'm not too sure if I'm going to like it, or if it will work, but I assure you that one way or another, you'll get to hear about it, and most likely see the claw mark action photos on the Human Woman when she tries to put it on me.  I've worn a regular shirt before, and I contend that it didn't so much as calm me down, but more like embarrassed me so much that I would crawl under some place dark so nobody could see me or take pictures of me.

As you can see by the cool blog post by the Army of Four, not only did the bitch take a picture of me, but she combed me, AND make a stinking card out of my misery (for which I have yet to see any money from).

Oblivious Sam

The Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee Puppy Sam is totally oblivious to the fireworks and storms of course.  He also loves to go out and watch them, and will stand with his head up during a thunderstorm.  Why I am surrounded by such strange huskies?











So, in the meantime, I'm just hanging out inside with the suck up Mutatoe because every once in a while the stupid humans™ will shoot off more fireworks (even though the holiday has been over for FIVE FREAKING DAYS NOW!) which means that every time I go out to poo... a rocket goes off and I have to skitter into the house without having done my business.  This makes me cranky.

Cranky because the Human Woman didn't bother to purchase one of my very own Wunder Thunder Cloaking Robes and also because I really have to poo.

A Call To Paws Again

Just when we thought we had the radical squirrels under control, another faction emerges to do destruction upon the the very thing we rely on in these hot temperatures... cold air vents!

Yes, the radical squirrel terrorists are back at it again, their latest attack was upon a power station, as reported here in this news article.

The humans think they are cute and adorable and go absolutely whack job when one of these fuzzy tailed rats takes a peanut from their hand, but you and I know their true mission... Squirrelagedon!

Take action now, and obliterate the squirrels from your yard as fast as possible... before they knock out your cool air vent!.

- Meeshka

Orders From the Queen

Now go do my bidding!

-Meeshka

Show Her You Care

On this Mother's Day, make sure you pay a lot of attention to your Human Woman

My World Events

Hello all!  Its been a very busy time here in Meeshka World.

I'm sure you've all heard in the news about a certain President taking credit for the elimination of a rather pesky person.  Pffft.  Of course that's all a silly lie.  We all know that humans are incapable of doing anything around here without the help of HULA. 

All I had to do was wave one of my delicate little feety feet and the matter was taken care of by my loyal HULA Hoop members.  About the only thing they did get right was the name of the reactionary force that took care of the matter: Seal Team 6.  They are making the team to be all secrety secret and go on and on about how they can't show their faces because they were so ultra mega mega top secrety secret and junk... but the real reason is because the humans are too ashamed to admit that they can't do anything right, and its the animal world that has to fix everything for them.

So, here is your first look at Seal Team 6:

Sergeant Bubbles is currently appearing undercover at Sea World in Orlando.  Check out his show, he actually juggles three beach balls!

How To Drive The Human Woman Insane #9587

First, you find a spot to dig right next to the gate:

Then, when the Human Woman is laying paving stones down in your new dig spot, wash your delicate feety feet off in the water bowl and saunter throughout the house.

Its a win-win.

- Meeshka

Royal Wedding

I was going to go to the royal wedding...

... but the humans turned on the air vent. 

-Meeshka

The Coffee Answer

Dear Pups,

I wanted to thank all of you that suggested adding caffeine to the Human Woman's daily medicinal routine to get her a bit more mobile... unfortunately I neglected to add this picture of what the Human Woman looks like most of her waking day:

I'm thinking nothing short of electro-shock therapy will get her to move any faster, and although clawing is effective... I can only claw so much and apparently she slows down even more from the blood loss.

Thanks for the tip though.

- Meeshka