Have Yard, Will Dig

Its beyond me why the humans have such a big yard to dig in, and all they do is fill up our holes! At one point last year they brought really tasty and fun dirt into the back yard, then yelled at us for digging in it.

This year, with the growing of the grass, they go out and gaze upon the grass and sigh... until they see the wonderful trench we've dug and they can barely contain their excitement and joy! They jump up and down and yell, and we woo back at them and prance because it is a really good trench!

There are these things the humans call "moles", which are little brown furry things that burrow into our yard. We have to eliminate them because we think they may harm the grass that the humans have been trying to grow. Unfortunately the only way to eliminate them is to trench the yard, from one side to the other... in various places... moles dig a lot.

Its fun chasing the moles, because I'll start at the beginning of their tunnel, Sam will go to another spot and dig, and Loki leaps around like a nut and barks his encouragement to us (he's a moron, and only has one front foot to dig with since the mutant paw doesn't work right, so we don't let him help). Between the three of us, we've managed to excavate a really nice trench in the yard, but were unable to locate the wily mole thing (that smells very tasty, by the way).

We've caught them before, and played Keep A Mole back and forth. When we're done with them, we like to roll on them. We call it our victory scent. The human woman apparently doesn't like that scent. Today she caught me rolling in something, not sure what it was, but it smelled wonderful. I have no idea why she does it, but every time I roll in something tasty, she sniffs me, then declares that I stink... then why smell me? I don't turn my delicate little nose up at you when you come out of the water thing smelling like some fake flower... ok, so I actually do, then sneeze, because that's just a foul smell. Why not go roll in a flower bed or something if you want to smell like a flower.

Free perfumes laying dead in the yard and the humans go out and buy fake perfumes, go figure.