These People are Dull

 Yeah, it's been a while, but it's the same old thing, day in, day out, night in, night out. No excitement going on, nothing, boring old people.

I'm trying to get them to try new things, get some excitement up in here.

Get this... I dare you, just pull it. I don't care if you're getting dressed for work.

Why look, there appears to be a tug rope here... would be a shame if someone grabbed it

I like the lick mat, but the new bed? Nope, not using it when I have a perfectly good Sleep Number bed and a couch. Waste of money.

Look, my new toys are old, I have to do something with my spare time

I just had my Sunday Pancake time with Toast, very tasty, and now I want to go out and play, but Bleeder is all "it's raining, I shall melt". Ok, I'll go out and find something to do that involves one of my massive dig dug holes, and mud. You just stay inside all nice and dry watching Curse of Oak Island episodes... I'll show you some Dig Dug Island action and dig up my own Templar thing. Then I will come in and shake on everything, so go ahead and change those sheets.

Off To The Vet We Go

 I knew something was up when Bleeder and Toast casually took showers and got dressed in the morning, even though it was a weekend morning. They thought they could just fool me and act like nothing was up, but I know when things are up and something was definitely up. I especially knew something was up when Bleeder took my poo and didn't throw it in the bin... she carried it inside, then took it out to the car.

Sure enough, I got my fancy new harness on, and instead of my fancy ride, I got into the not fancy ride and was not happy with my limited access to the front seat. I want to be in the front seats. I'd prefer to drive as well, but for some odd reason they won't let me in the front seats, and they won't let me drive. This is unfair.

To show them how unfair it is, I managed to get all tangled up in my harness and leash and forced Bleeder to climb into the back once we got to the vet clinic and untangle me.

Apparently, according to Bleeder, I am the dog that nobody likes at the vet clinic. I need to greet everyone and everything, including everyone and everything that doesn't necessarily want to be greeted. Oh sure, the staff love me, I even try to go behind the desk and help them with their paperwork, but the one place I don't want to go is on the scale... or in the room.

Once I was weighed, there was a bit of a wait, so Bleeder took me outside to walk around and get "some steam off" in the little wooded area on the side of the clinic. So many interesting sniffs there.

Our turn came and I was summarily pushed into a room where there was more of a wait, and I don't like waiting, so I kept trying to summon my doctor, or at the very least order a nice cold water, because being sociable makes me very thirsty.

Finally a nice guy came in and took my history, and then took me to the back to be poked, prodded, and stole my cultivated sharp nails, then took me back to the room to wait some more. I did not get my order of water and appetizers. Do NOT recommend that waiter.

My doctor finally arrived and it was all talk talk talk, blah blah blah, and then shining lights in my ears, eyes, throat, touchy touchy, pokey pokey, then stabbed me with a needle. Apparently I have to come back in two weeks because my humans don't like giving me my full immunizations all at once.

My doctor tried to bribe me into liking her after all that poking, prodding, light shining, but I took the treat and spit it out back at her. Toast tried and I took the treat, held it for 3 seconds and ptooeed it back at him, clearly showing that I was NOT amused. I have no idea what happened to my loaded potato skins and water order.

While Toast paid for my visit, Bleeder took me back out to walk in the grassy area. Although the waiting room had thinned out, I still try to steal all of the tasty treats they have at dog level, and one time nearly tipped over the giant bin of things, so I wait outside, which is fine with me.

When it was time to go home, they adjusted my leash length to keep me from climbing into the front seat, but by that time I was tired from my visit and just poked my head into the front.

While waiting on a light, some person in a big SUV tried to sneak behind my ride between another car behind us and ran straight into another car. That was exciting, and thankfully didn't hit us when it's parts flew off. Both cars drove off to trade information, so we just drove home, not our circus.

After that, I slept pretty much all day. So much excitement and so many steps. Later on we played soccer ball in the yard and then went to bed. Actually, I had to grab Fashion Fluffy and shove it into Toast's leg to get him to understand that it was time for bed, hurry up and go to bed!

I slept all night, it was a good day, and a good night

Ch Ch Ch Changes

 Can't a pup have a bit of routine? 

Sure, my meal times are spot on the clock morning, noon, and night.

My bedtime fluctuates, but is generally at a specific time and I get nightly bedtime treats and then the rough skritches. I love my bedtime routine.

BUT the general coming and going of the humans is willy nilly. The only way I know someone is leaving the house is whether or not they put on pants after they shower. Bleeder typically does this several times a week (and we won't speak of her horrible fashion sense), while Toast is hit or miss on comings and goings. The only way I know the shower doesn't mean leaving is if they put on the sleepy pants afterwards.

I'm very diligent about watching for these signs. I sit in the bedroom doorway and pout until the desired sleepy pants are put on.

Recently they even swapped my food. Granted, I was NOT crazy about the whole Salmon food stuffs. Never have been, never will. I don't like chicken either... actually chicken doesn't like me, which is why they swapped me to a "sensitive stomach" variety. I would think that my habit of eating just about anything should have proven that my stomach is not sensitive, more like particular in taste. I don't like fish. They tried to give me a shrimp as a treat. That is disgusting. Why would anyone eat that slimey fishy smelling thing.

Anyhoooo, I've been enjoying my beef and bison foodables and so has my stomach. Each time I poo, it's like I've left a special gift for Bleeder who praises my effort, and goes on and on about the size, weight, and perfect form coming out of my poo hole. She should really find another hobby.

She also thinks I'm much more frisky on the new food, and I do feel better while practicing to be a goal keeper for the Premier league.

I GOT IT!

Enough about my poo, I'm sure you are all waiting on the exciting announcement about my harness, that I promised to tell you all about.

I'm a bit... exuberant on my walks. I want to sniff everything all at once and there's no time to dilly, nor dally, I gotta keep moving. This means dragging Bleeder along with me, and frankly, my past harnesses were a bit restrictive in the neck area.

I have the gag reflex of something that has a really strong gag reflex, so every time I'd go for a walk, I would pull so hard, I'd end of gacking, choking, and puking. That's not fun, but did I learn to walk nicer? Heck no, I'd pull harder next time and gack and puke.

They tried quite a few harnesses and always the same result, so Bleeder reached out to some professionals.

• Mags and Ragnar from Army of Four 
• Gus from Blawg & Disorder (and my deepest condolences on the passing of Milton)
• Rudy and Jack of Breckenridge Skijoring
• Other fine friends

All of them recommended the CTC Dog Gear harness.

The neck opening is wider, which puts the weight of pulling on the shoulder area, and not on the neck area, where it should be.

Owner Natalie actually makes gear for dogs that do actual work, and even supports the puppers who run races and do fun things, like pull their humans on carts or bicycles (I'd love to do that, but Bleeder and Toast are too frail).

Back to the harness... Bleeder ordered, Natalie responded immediately, advised her that based on Bleeder's wonky measurements (which Natalie made her do over because Bleeder is inept) that I would need a LARGE... because I'm leggy and statuesque, not because I'm fat.

Zippy quick, Natalie mailed out my harness (in teal... blue... it's a blue color) and it fit perfectly. It's very comfy too. So comfy that during our recent wind storm, I had to wear it in case (not sure what the case was, but the humans insisted) and I slept in it.

Sure, I still pull like a demon, but I don't gack and puke as much now. That only happens when Toast is not opening up the back door to my ride fast enough, or I see something I really REALLY want to get to immediately.

Bleeder and Toast really like the side mounted hooks too, because they can attach a leash there on either side or in the back, or both for added control and security.

I do not have any "action" shots of walking or riding in the X because (of course) Toast and Bleeder are rubbish about taking pictures on walks. Something about I move too fast, or Bleeder is being dragged on the ground (that would be a good picture honestly) or they are too busy watching out for idiot drivers racing down our road (that is a stop sign at that intersection you crazy whippersnapper kids get off my lawn, let me pull my pants up).

I'll try to get them to take pictures on our next walk, I promise.

Go and get yourself a CTC harness right now. Comfortable, stylish, functional (so far) escape proof, three connectors, easy on, easy off. Buy one. Your pup will thank you!

-Casey-

The Dogmanity

 There's been some serious stupid stuff going on in this house lately and I'm not happy about it at all.

First of all, it was International Puppy Day the other day and NOBODY posted a picture of me on the webs or socials!!

Blerp

Toast claims that he posted this one:

But you can barely see me, and you can't see my adorable face or anything.

They keep reminding me that I'm number 6, and it's just not the same as being number 1 or 2, or even 4, and 5 was a dorky mutatoe wuss. They think that since I'm an only pup, and they've "been through this rodeo before", I don't get as many benefits as the others got because they know things now.

Nikki and Nova got real people foods, like spaghetti with meat sauce, and hot dogs, and burgers from burger places after they went to the vet. I barely get a rock hard pupparoni from Bleeder's jacket pocket that she put there months ago. Half the time they don't even pack water for me. Granted, it's not far to and from the vet, but I'd like some water.

Since they are now hardened veterans of huskies, I have to think of devious ways to get treats from them. When I say treats, I'm not talking about dog cookies and Zukes training treats, I'm talking hunks of cheese and meats, and human cookies.

Initially I'd pick up something from the yard that they didn't want, and to get me to "ploop" it out and not swallow it, they would offer me a hunk of cheese stick.

I liked this deal! I liked it so much that I would go out in the yard and find the things they freaked out about the most (rocks, sticks, random fungus growing on the side of a tree...) to trade up when I was peckish.

I'll trade you a cheese stick for these leaves

The usual routine was that I would eat, then they would eat. But I figured out that if I didn't eat, then there was more room for some tasty shared food when they ate. 

I also discovered that they didn't like to run around the yard and play right after eating, so I would bounce on them and claw them to go out and play and to appease me, they would fill my Kong wheel, or my Woof treat ball to give them a half hour of peace and quiet before play time... so why bother eating with all that tasty treat and foodable buffet?

Seems I took it a step too far with boycotting all of my food. I knew I should have at least pretended to eat to continue the ruse, but they saw right through it.

First, they got me a raised feeder. They did this because when they would give me a bowl of food, I'd shove the food inside the bowl to one side to make it look like I ate some. When that didn't work, I would shove the bowl down the hallway or into the kitchen to hide the whole bowl. They kept finding the bowl, noticed I wasn't eating anything, but I was still begging for treats and eating them just fine. Clearly it wasn't a tooth problem, or a digestion problem... I was just tricking them into feeding me tasty treats.

I still try to push the food bowl to the floor, but they're sneaky and bought a raised feeder with a lip and raised back to keep me from dumping my bowls off of it. I still try though.

Then, horror of horrors, they started feeding me AFTER they ate. Sure, I still get a tater tot or two, or whatever dog approved human food they're eating for dinner, but the amount has dramatically decreased. I can eat more than 2 tater tots, I'm pretty sure my vet has said this was an essential part of my diet.

What's even worse... the amount of kong and Woof treats has been severely limited, and they took away the cheese stick bribes! I'm expected to ploop out whatever I bring in for NOTHING!  NOTHING!!!!! Even worse, when I bring in a stick they're like "sure, whatever, have fun with that". RUINS the whole freaking out give me tasty treats ploy!

They've upended my entire structure. I don't know when they'll feed me, I don't know what I'll be getting, and I don't even know what treats I'll be given after my nightly play session. Even worse is, I'm expected to get the treat out of the kong by myself! No assistance from the humans now. I can't be expected to lick the Woof treat out by myself, there are crevices that my tongue can't reach... easily.

Hey, a little help here... I'm just a puppy!

And another thing... they're swapping my food again. AGAIN! Apparently my lack of interest in the Salmon Sensitive Stomach stuff, combined with the fact that I'm a bit chunky, and (get this from the woman whose skin can be used to sand a 2X4 beam) my paw pads are rough. I'm being swapped over to a Beef and Bison "Performance" blend with a 30/20 for more protein and fat... which defeats the whole "I'm chunky" comments, but apparently it's better for high energy dogs like me.

With new foods, that means the silly swap, but I just eat the new foods, because it's new and leave the old foods, so get ready for firehose diarrhea and endless trips outdoors in the middle of the night Toast and Bleeder, but that's what you wrought with this swap. Of course, I'll simply boycott the new foods as well, but you all knew that.

Then again, with the lack of supplemental human foods and after dinner treats... because for some odd reason, since the weather is nicer, they've determined that they actually can go out after eating and play with me... and also take me on more walks.

This morning Bleeder cleaned out my toy box again.

I snuck in a whole bunch of "outdoor" toys into it, so they went back outside to make room for all of the "indoor" toys. There was also a lot of random old bits of food and treats in it... which I ate and ignored the entire bowl of fresh foods.

Did I mention that I'm only getting fed twice a day now instead of three? Has anyone dialed the local SPCA yet on these monsters that own me? 

I'm expected to eat the small handful of new/old kibble through the day with NO TREATS. NO TREATS AT ALL!!!

There is a bright spot in all of this and that is the new harness that they bought me.

The new harness deserves its own blog post, which I'll do next week, mainly because I was driving out and about with them to run errands and NOBODY TOOK MY PICTURE in my new pretty harness! See??? 

I just have to say that out of all the harnesses they've tried, this is the MOST comfortable harness EVER!  I don't even choke, gack, or puke any more! Bleeder even says that I don't even pull as hard as before!

You'll want to tune in next week for that complete write up... if I don't starve to death first.

-Casey-

Bleeder Caught The Korova

 Last weekend was so disappointing, what with the tiny dribble of snowflakes we got. I was pouting, and I assumed that Bleeder was also pouting, but it turned out she just didn't feel well, and that Monday morning she announced that she had contracted the Korova.

As a Siberian Husky, I know that Korova means "cow" and I wasn't aware that catching cows was a thing, or that they were contagious, I just thought they made tasty, tasty burgers, but you learn something new every day apparently. It has also come to my attention that Bleeder was saying "Corona", but her nose was clogged up and she was also babbling incoherently, but hey, that's nothing new.

Toast fled for safety and locked Bleeder in the bedroom, where I was volunteered to care for her... which is probably the worst choice in the history of making choices, but what's a puppy to do?

Any time she came out of the bedroom she was suppose to announce "Unclean" to allow Toast ample time to flee to another part of the house. He even accused me of harboring germs and licking his feet to contaminate him. He's just got tasty feet, what can I say.

I did my best to observe her for any changes in her condition.

Is that gurgling noise normal? It doesn't seem normal.

If anything bad happens, can I chew on your bass guitars?

May I recommend a shower? You're a bit gamey

Toast is sleeping on the couch, which means that I have an entire side of the bed to use... but what fun is that when you can continue to steal the entire foot of the bed from Typhoid Mary... or Plague Penny... or Toast's favorite new nickname: Death's Dora (the explorer).

I tried to cheer her up with some fun sick-time games.

Come on! Everyone loves ring toss!

It was pretty much every person and dog for themselves at this point and since nobody stopped me, I unpacked the Chewy monthly food box by myself.

These recycling restrictions are ridiculous

Finally, Bleeder was feeling a bit better yesterday and has been trying to get back to normal, although she has residual blech still. Apparently she'll be going back to work on Monday, but is taking a "see how it goes" approach, especially in regards to the unspoken "hey, did you know Korova has a fun gastro-intestinal component?"

Let's hope Toast doesn't get it next. I can't handle this much excitement. 

No, I don't want to guess how many tissues you've used.

-Nurse Casey-

I don't want to talk about it

It snowed yesterday.

I was very excited.

This was all of the snow

I was so mad, I came in and pouted with Fashion Fuzzy

This state is ridiculous.

Tug O' War

 My most favorite game in the world is Tug O' War. I love tugging. I love tugging so hard that I pull Bleeder off her feet, then I attack her. It's so much fun.

I'll play tug with anything! The ring toy, balls, squeaker toys, the noodle (it used to be a ring, but I broke it). 

I love chasing things, then running back with it, dangling it just out of their reach to mock them, then feel sorry for them, give them an end and then rip their arms out of their sockets.

I love this game.

Toast got a very long package the other day.

I sniffed it to make sure it was safe (one of my roles is "Homeland Security"), then he opened it up.

It was full of fun paper stuffing! I had a great time ripping that to shreds and strewing it all over the house, but then he took out this long pole and it has a rope on the end! Great fun trying to catch the rope while he was trying to cut the plastic ties on it. Then he pulled out a smaller pole with wings. Ok, that's interesting and not as fun as the pole with the rope, but I'll give it a sniff.

Then we went outside where Toast used a rubber mallet to pound the winged pole into the ground. I helped by sticking my head in the way of the hammer a few times. Don't worry, I was not injured, nor deterred in helping some more.

Finally the winged part was pounded flush with the ground and then an amazing thing happened... the other pole was inserted into the winged pole and I was free to play with the rope on the stick!

GRRRRR I will win this game!

Just to be clear, I'm only allowed to play with the pole under adult supervision, and when supervision complains that it's too cold or they have to go blow their nose, they lift the pole out of the winged pole and take it inside and hide it in the closet.

Since I don't know when to quit, they also limit my tug sessions to about 5 minutes. It's a great cardio workout.

I also get a bit distracted by the stupid birds and squirrels who probably want to steal my new toy.

Now, while this is great fun, it's not the only games I play in the yard. 

There's skitter quickly around the yard and launch my entire body into Bleeder.

There's fetch the ring and run full tilt into Bleeder's legs.

There's goalie, where they bounce a soccer balls, and launch the the ball straight back at Toast and Bleeder.

I also race balls. They throw them, I beat it to the fence line, and then make them walk over and get the ball to throw it again. They tried using multiple balls, but I won't chase just any ball... it has to be the ball I want to chase. Plus it helps exercise the humans (they need it more than I do).

In the meantime... I will rip you out of the ground stupid pole!

How do they know when I've had enough?

Can I have a cookie now?

Bleeder forgot to post the link to this toy in case anyone wants it on Amazon

Bonus Tip: Taking Treats

 Since I blogged a day early, figured I'd give you a little nugget of information on how to take treats.

We all know:

1. If it falls on the floor, immediately gulp it down.
2. If it's on the counter, quietly gulp it down
3. If it's handed to you, treat it like it's an explosive device or a pill, because no person will just hand over something tasty, they'll eat it all for themselves and mock you while they do it.
4. If it is something they're eating and they decide to share, you must make sure you get every crumb, every little piece of it, as you never know when this type of event will occur again.

- Casey

Counter Surfing

 Bleeder and Toast are amazed that I'm not a counter surfing husky... until.

Sure, I tried when I was much younger.

If only I could reach that box...

I continued to try as I got older

Almost there... on my tippy toes

OOOH so close, move your big butt Bleeder

Well, let's just say that I've grown to my full potential, and that potential is that I can now reach things on the counter... things like an entire bag of thinly sliced Provolone cheese the Toast left out on the counter for 3 seconds... unguarded... all alone... calling to me.

Yep, that was a very tasty treat, and in my exuberance, I neglected to leave any for Toast's tasty sammich that he had planned (and was probably not going to share with me, so serves him right).

He ratted me out to Bleeder when she got home. To her credit, Bleeder was not surprised or upset, and chastised Toast for his neglect. I think her exact words were "duh".

I realize that I've given away my game plan and have demonstrated my skills sufficiently to NOT BE TRUSTED ANYMORE. They've both been very careful about leaving tasty foodables on the counter... and the table after I snagged the full bag of Zukes Salmon training treats. My bad, I dragged that almighty bag into the living room for my victory dance and was caught. Note to self: eat it, then celebrate the victory.

Morning Ritual

 For those of you who are fortunate enough NOT to be "friends" with Bleeder on her Facingbooks page, where she complains about me every single day (she tracks in mud, she digs the yard, she brings in and shreds sticks that I have to clean up, she hogs the foot of my bed, she's cold, she's wet, her claws rip my flesh...) so I provide a morning review of her horrific choice of clothing. I think it's only fair.

One of the biggest requests on comments is that they want to see her exact outfits. She's hard to photograph. Not only does she try to hide behind things, but the outfits are just too horrific for the camera, so I've done an artist rendition for you of an actual outfit (one I call "the cheese grater shirt" and the green pants).

I hope you aren't eating anything when you see this:

Horrific. Her method of sock matching involves just reaching in and grabbing the first pair. That's pretty much her stock move for deciding what to wear... what's first on the hanger and first pair of pants on the pile. Shoes... if it's not the fuzzy rubber duck boot things, it's whatever is the least complex to put on (meaning no shoestrings involved). I'm shocked she hasn't worn her slippers in to work... give her time.

Bleeder also likes to buy me random toys that keep me "enriched" and "entertained". I'm perfectly fine batting at her foot 3 seconds after she's done eating to go outside with me so she can wrestle and chase me around the yard on her full stomach.

She found an "interactive" toy about 3 weeks ago and bought it. I would venture to guess that this toy is the most annoying thing in the history of annoying things (worse than people who chew with their mouth open). Get a load of this crap:

(Turn your speakers up for the full annoying affect).

It came inside a little furry pouch with a tail, and any time you smack it around, it makes that annoying sound and scampers all over the place. It was kind of fun the first time around, but then when it wouldn't shut off, and Bleeder can't figure out how to turn it off, coupled with the fact that this thing is a heavy plastic thing that I've chosen to swing around inside like a mace, threatening the very big, expensive TV, broken bones, and carnage... lets just say it didn't last very long as a viable toy.

Bleeder can't turn it off. I think that when she chucked it off the deck into the yard hoping to break it for good, the turning off mechanism is the only thing that broke.

Now she's stuck with it sitting on the kitchen table because she doesn't want to put it in a trash bag, only to have a garbage man think we're monsters and shoved a small animal into the trash... they'll go through the bags and discover we aren't "recycling" everything like we should and we'll go to jail or something.

She did re-use the pouch to put a regular squeaker ball that is fun to chase, attack, and fling around. It's much lighter and bounces off Bleeder's head nicely without causing a trip to the ER for sutures.

Lesson learned, so now she just gets me squeaker toys. Apparently this is my lesson that there are plenty of squeaker toys available to me and I should stop being all guarding and obsessive about one particular well chewed squeaker toy (that I took to bed with me last night for safe keeping).

The only "enrichment" I need is keeping Bleeder on her toes constantly.

I am Two

 Yesterday was my birthday. I'm assuming that the delivery services fell woefully short as I did not receive gifts of fealty in abundance. Mark it on your calendars and act appropriately next year.

I did receive lots of tasty foodables, and pancake Sunday this morning. I also received a new squeaker toy, but as usual, it was taken away from me when I grew too... possessive.

No, you can't have this

I'm only like this with squeaker toys that look like animals. I have a mushroom, a heart, and a square I don't know what it is squeaker toy that I don't get overly possessive of... just the animal squeakers. I try to cram the entire thing in my mouth and run away if anyone gets near me. I carry it around with a worried look on my face, and refuse to abandon it for fear that it will run away, or be taken. 

I'm not neurotic. I just value a good squeaker animal. 

Back up Bleeder, you're too close

Rest assured, I have a whole stuffed box full of toys on the floor, and another box full of squeaker toys on a high shelf for "special occasions". I also have a big bag of toys in the closet that I refuse to play with. I'm told we're saving those up to donate to puppers that would appreciate them.

Other gifts were: an entire box

This box is defective... it exploded

Croissants. I LOVE croissants. I've been told that my predecessors also loved bread products, especially croissants.

Hand it over to me... and nice pants Bleeder.

I was also notified by several of the socials people that I share my birthday with some idiotic "squirrel appreciation day" thing. Why? Squirrels are horrible vermin that must be removed from society. All they do is chew on things, and are rude. They mock me with their tree climbing ability. I will get them.

Oh, I'll show you some appreciation

There are at least 4 squirrels that taunt me on a daily basis. They even come onto MY deck. MY DECK!!! I stalk them, and I'm allowing them to grow more embolden and when the time is right... they will be mine. Much like the squeaker toys, I'm going to cram one into my mouth and no amount of cheese bribes will get it from me. 

I am one with the squirrel, I will be the squirrel, I will eat the squirrel