Monday, February 15, 2016

R.I.P. Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee Pup

7/1/2001 - 2/15/2016

Roast stealer
Bread product aficionado 
Gimpy chewable
Private Pooper
Best friend
Little Spoon
Snuggle puppy
Professional napper

A piece of my heart

Friday, December 18, 2015

Loki's Ortho Visit

Yeah, yeah, I know, I don't blog enough.

I'm a busy husky, you know, working breed and all that.  Ok, so I generally just nap and sometimes I frolic, but generally I'm retired.

Anyway, I thought I'd show up and give you an update on my royal house.

I'm fine, frankly I'm the healthiest one here lately.  The Humans complain about everything.  You want to go out every 2 hours during the night, you want your water bowl filled with fresh water, why are you screaming at the bed every time you lay down.

Yeah, about that.  It's my new "thing".  Every time I lay down I scream at the bed.  I'm announcing to the world that I'm laying down, what's wrong with that?

Bionic Hip/Knee Spineless Sam is still hanging in there.  His issues are progressing and when he started having more nose bleeds when he was stressed out, they felt that he shouldn't go in for his massage sessions.  He wears pants now, lounges around, gets carried everywhere and they help him poo.  He's still the same happy guy, but he can't really move around on his own.

To help him sit up, they got him two beanbag chairs.

He was toodling around in a quad cart for a while, but then it get too distressing for him (nose bleed time), so he gets his exercise by sitting and honking, and when he wants to be put back on the sleep number bed and get fed Danish butter cookies, he throws himself down.

Mutatoe was perfectly fine until a few weeks ago when it appeared that hefting around that massive ample ass was taking a toll on his legs.  His regular vet suspected he had bad hips, but he wasn't really limping or anything.  He's always walked like a dork so it's hard to tell with him.  Then one day he started really being gimpy.

This meant he had to go see Sam's friends at VOSM.

Sam loved going to VOSM, and everybody loved Sam there.  Sam had a tradition of pooping in the lobby every.single.time.

Apparently they had a bit of a conversation before we left because even though the Humans let the Mutatoe sniff and walk around and sniff some more... the moment they walked into the lobby...

The Humans went with the fear that Mutatoe was also falling apart... thankfully that wasn't the case.

The Mutatoe dog has the hips and joints of a 4 year old dog.  Apparently he's pulled a back leg muscle, so he gets some pills for 2 weeks and that should take care of everything.

Now that I know that... it's back to sneaking up under her table and pinching her fat.

Sunday, September 06, 2015

Uncle Jack Visit So Far

So... Uncle Jack arrived, and pretty much we've done a lot of napping.

Well, we have during the day while the humans go out and eat (without us) and run "errands" that involve eating (without us), and then come home and spend a lot of time trying to find a way to keep the Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee, nosebleedy Sam from peeing all over the place.

It seems that he's now sprung a leak when he sleeps, so the humans have spent an inordinate amount of time purchasing all manner of diapers, bands, pads, whatchamacallits (not the candy bar), and items to help catch all of that pee so it's not all over the place.

The only problem is that he's a Husky, and that means, where's there's a will, there will be pee.

So they tried diapers.  Cheap, expensive, fancy, fool-proof (they've never met the Human Woman), and no matter what they tried...

Yep, laundry-palooza.  The Human Woman swears that he could pee through the eye of a needle.  No matter how tightly they put those diapers on, he found some way to pee on everything BUT inside the diaper.

Then a good friend of the Human Woman suggested belly bands.  Fool proof she said.  Even sent her one to try out...

Yep, you guessed it, he manages to pee around those too.

Oh sure, once the Human woman figured out that he isn't built like most dogs (ahem... his pee pee hides), she's modified her approach to bolster the belly band to make sure it covers his naughty bits and absorb all of the pee.  I'm surprised she hasn't completely wrapped him in incontinence pads and diapers.

The only problem is that... now the Mutatoe thinks that the entire house is fair game, and frankly, if they aren't going to bother walking down the stairs and exert themselves... why should I.  Except at night, that's when we interrupt them every half hour and scream to go outside.

Have I mentioned that the Human Woman is looking into buying stock in pee pads and steam cleaners?  Just a little inside tip for all of you day traders.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Let the Ghoul Pool Begin

Long time readers will know what time of year it is.

Yes, it is time for the Uncle Jack Ghoul Pool!

After a long hiatus, Uncle Jack will be coming to visit, and we couldn't be any more excited!!!  We love Uncle Jack!

So, if you aren't a long time reader (and shame on you) and have no idea what the significance of an Uncle Jack visit means, just go click on this link and read away.  Click this link here... right here, this link.

It should take you to all of the instances of Uncle Jack's powers to kill famous people and cause horrific catastrophes.

So, in the comments, tell us which famous person will die unexpectedly and what horrible catastrophe will occur between the dates of September 4th and September 12th.

We also promise to give him a grand welcome to the house as always.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

The Story of the Spineless, Bionic Hip/Knee Husky

We all know that Sam is a mess... been that way since he was born.

He's got a bionic hip on the left side.
He had spine surgery to remove a ruptured disc, so that means he has no spine.
He's got something holding his left knee together (we think it's dental floss)
His other knee is also blown, but he's not a good candidate for surgery now.
One side grew longer than the other so he always looks like one side is walking on the curb, the other side on the street.

He's been going in for laser treatment and massage every other Friday (we think he's out gambling at the local casino).

Recently he started having small nosebleeds when he's stressed out (hates the stairs, will bleed if you try to make him walk down them).  After further, extensive, and expensive tests... nobody could figure out why.  No tumors, no nothing up the nose, no reason.

Fast forward to the second week of June 2015.

The Human Man had to go into the hospital to have some parts removed and other parts refitted.  The Human Woman had to deal with running to the hospital to visit him, then run home to untangle Sam from whatever he got caught up in (it's his favorite game: ooze off the bed and freak out the Human Woman) for a few days until the Human Man came home to recover.

Then it was Human Woman running to help Sam, then the Human Man, Sam, Human Man, Sam, Mutatoe and I when we'd pitch a fit for not getting sufficient attention.

This was all great fun as we're pretty sure the Human Woman was at the breaking point, so Sam upped his game.

Two days after the Human Man returned, we had been banished into the guest room so we wouldn't stomp on him (they know how to ruin all of our fun).  The guest room isn't comfy, even though all of our dog beds were in there.  Sam was particularly peeved because the guest bed isn't a sleep number bed and feels like you are sleeping on a rock.

To show his displeasure, he woke the Human Woman up in the middle of the night by bleeding profusely out of his nose and spraying the guest room so it looked like a crime scene.

The Human Man was pretty much worthless, as he was on really strong pain killers (even better than ours) and can't lift things that weigh more than a kleenex (mmm tasty kleenex), so there was a bit of freaking out involved, we got escorted to our crates and Sam carried out to go to the Vet ER.

Apparently Sam has high blood pressure.  Normal dog blood pressure is around 80, and Sam's was 190.  Apparently Sam has a thin mucus wall that explodes when his blood pressure goes through the roof.  So, the next day he came home, totally drugged up to help lower his blood pressure, and keep him quiet for a bit.

It was at this point that the Human Woman lost her mind.  The entire living room was moved around so that it would fit a queen sized Aerobed for Sam.

We all spent the nights in the living room and not the guest room (frankly I felt this was a step up because I got my air vent back) Then she realized that if Sam moved toward the back, they couldn't reach him, so she ordered two twin sized ones.  One for his day bed, then she'd put the other down to sleep next to him at night (or rather, for us to claim and leave her sleeping on a dog bed).

Then she realized the aerobeds aren't comfortable, so those got deflated and Sam got a Temperpedic mattress topper, and she slept on dog beds (and we slept on her).

While the Human Man was home recuperating, he curled up on the incredibly uncomfortable loveseat to watch over the other patient.

Then she realized that the Temperpedic topper wasn't cushy enough, so she got an Ikea egg crate foam twin mattress.

Then Sam oozed off of that, so she rearranged the living room again and used dog beds to bolster the Temperpedic, butted it up with the Ikea mattress, used 35 pool noodles to cover every possible hard surface nearby, with more dog beds as buffer zones and blankets to keep legs from getting caught between anything.

You can clearly see, she's stark raving mad.

He still has issues, and he's getting a loading dose of Adequan to see if that will help his creaky bones, but needless to say, every time he wants to get up, he honks and the Human Woman comes running.

He sure does know how to milk a situation.

Where Have We Been

Yes, yes, I know, I know.

Sometimes things just get so out of hand, and wacky, and loopy, and then you have to rely on humans to do your typing and who can depend on that???

We are all still here... no need to freak out.

Some of us are more creakier, ok, who am I fooling, we're all getting older and we're all creaky in our own special ways.

Sam has had more issues than Mutatoe and I... because he's the most expensive bionic hip/knee spineless and now nose bleedy husky in the history of huskies.  He has taken freaking out the humans to all new levels that I don't think any husky has ever accomplished.  But he's still hanging around and reaping the benefits of gimpyism to it's fullest.

More on that later.

Mutatoe and I are on drugs.  Yes, you heard that right.  After a particularly nasty string of thunderstorms and THEN the upcoming Independence Day tomfoolery, the Humans gave up and begged our vet for drugs.  Real drugs.  Good drugs.

In case you can't be bothered to go back and find out what happens when it storms or fireworks are set off...

I leap up (usually from a sound sleep) and pee on the nearest dog bed (whether its occupied or not)

Then I frantically pace, pant, and claw.

They tried the Thundershirt

Didn't work.

They tried:
Rescue Remedy
Calming caramel things
calming biscuit things (of many varieties)
Loud music
Safe spaces
Open spaces
letting me go nuts


I kept getting worse and worse, more frantic, more stompy, more clawy, and more freaking out... y.  On top of that, the Mutatoe started getting more and more freaking outy as well.  I've never seen a dog drool as much as he can.  I can only imagine he stores all of that drool in his ample ass.

A phone call that involved begging and weeping later, the Humans left and returned with a bottle of pills.

Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about!  I like how it's the same thing forwards and backwards.

Anyway, a big storm was approaching and the Humans gave us all a tasty gooey treat and about 20 minutes later I started feeling lovely.  Very relaxed, very I don't care.  I took a nap.

When the first big boom of thunder hit, I automatically jumped up and peed on the first available dog bed, but then I was like "dude... got any snacks?"  The Human Woman took me downstairs and I got comfy on a dog bed and she fed me the most amazing jerky treats!  I've had them before, but for some reason THESE were very tasty!

A little later I felt sleepy, so I napped.

Mutatoe had the same reaction (except he doesn't pee on dog beds), but was so zoned out that he just lay in his crate and watched some imaginary butterflies dance around his head or something... he's weird.

After our naps a few hours later, we both felt very refreshed and absolutely frisky!

A few days later we got some treats and a bit later the fireworks started and lasted for 4 hours, but you know what?

Nope, we don't care
Didn't care.  I lay downstairs watching tv, Loki threw himself on our own personal couch and took a nap.

When the fireworks were over, we all went back upstairs and went to bed.  The next morning we both felt FABULOUS and frisky.

Oh yeah, this is so much better than freaking out, pacing, panting, stressing, getting all bent out of shape.  I don't know what these pills are, but they're great!

So, that's the latest news around here.  I'll tell you all about Sam's issues later, I promise.

Don't worry, I'm keeping a close eye on him, so he'll be fine.

Oh, and just to prove that everything is normal around here... Mutatoe got his ample ass kicked by the raised water bowl.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Bed Coup

It's been very unexciting around here for a while.

There hasn't been any snow... well, some flakes, but not SNOW that you can create a little mountain out of and sleep.

It's been cold, which is fine with me, but the humans aren't that crazy about it.

The usual day-to-day grind of napping, sleeping, napping, eating, napping, going out to poo.

The fun starts at night though.

Not only do we continue our "let's get the humans up at the butt crack of dawn so we can pee" routine, but Sam has decided to throw a coup and take over the bed.

It's been a slow process.  The Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog is a professional napper.  He can't even get into the Olympic because he's that much of a professional, although apparently you can get in if you are a pro basketball player or something... what's up with that?

Because he prefers laying on the Sleep Number bed, Sam will go to great lengths to make himself look very uncomfortable on the myriad of expensive orthopedic beds the humans have strewn throughout the house.

The Humans fall into his evil plan and plop him onto the Sleep Number (Sam is a 25).

Since he spend so much time on it, he's formulated the perfect napping strategy, honed his skills

Please note that he has discovered the beauty of the cushy pillow.  Yep, those humans are pretty smart, they cushion their heads on bags stuffed with soft feather things.

Unfortunately, at night the humans also use the gigantic soft bed, and this makes Sam very angry.

How dare they encroach upon his personal sleepy spot! After all, they spent all of that money for those dog beds, so why can't they sleep there.

He felt that was a brilliant idea and has set about to change the bed dynamic... one night at a time.

His approach:  slowly herd the Human Woman out of the bed.

I give her a week before she's sleeping in the front room on the orthopedic dog bed.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy New Year Now Shut Up and Go To Bed

My name is Meeshka, and I'm afraid of thunder and fireworks.

I didn't always have this phobia.  There's nothing that scared me, hurt me, or affected me in any way.  One day I was fine during thunderstorms, and the next time I wasn't.  I hate fireworks too.  I sleep through explosions on tv, even fireworks on tv, but not in real life.  I don't even flinch if there's a loud noise somewhere close, but fireworks and thunder, that's another story.

I pee.  Usually I try to pee on the Human's bed.  I think it's the fastest way to get their attention.  I also claw them.  I feel that they need to run around and do something, and clawing makes them run around.

I'll pee on my bed, I'll pee on the carpet, I don't care, thunder and fireworks makes me pee, but I refuse to go outside.

If I'm outside and fireworks or thunder goes off, I'll run inside and pee, just on principle.

Loki Mutatoe is afraid of fireworks and thunder too, but he just cowers under something.

They dress us up in garments called "Thundershirts" which they spray with DAP and they give us Melatonine (3mg) to "take the edge off" and then we go downstairs where the sounds are more muffled and they turn up the volume on the tv and play music.

We still pace and pant and pee and claw, but not as frantic.

We hate fireworks and thunder.

There's nothing we can do about the weather, but there is something we can do about people who shoot off fireworks (illegally in the state of Merryland I may add) and that's this:  KNOCK IT OFF!

Nobody enjoys fireworks... seriously, nobody!  Nobody enjoys fireworks when you randomly set it off on a non-holiday workday at random hours... or when you and your drunk buddies stay up until the wee hours of the morning and set it off... nobody enjoys that.  You are obnoxious and annoying and we all hate you, so stop it.

If you must set it off on New Years.... wait until freakin midnight and get it over with.  Don't be randomly setting it off at 8pm until midnight... you suck.  Oh, and may I add, it's ILLEGAL!

This has been your Husky Service Announcement for the end of 2014.  Let's make 2015 enjoyable for everyone by not setting off fireworks.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Bedtime Routine

Every night we have a VERY strict bedtime routine.

The Humans demand that we all go to bed at 8:30pm every night, 365 days a year... frankly, that's around the time when we are well rested from sleeping all day and are ready to play, but hey, they pay the mortgage, so we have to make some compromises I suppose.

First, they Humans put on Spineless, Bionic Hip/Knee Sam's purse and take him downstairs.

Loki Mutatoe always has to pee, he has the bladder of a pea, so he runs ahead to go out.  I skitter around the house and throw myself up on the bed and sit there regally and refuse to go outside.

The Humans stand around waiting for Sam to find the perfect poo spot, which usually involves shoving Mutatoe back into the house and pretending not to watch Sam, because he is a shy pooper and has to have complete and utter silence and nobody within 5 miles looking at him poop.

After the poo ritual, they help him back up the stairs, and then we all get 2 cookies.  If I'm laying on the bed, I simply stay there to be fed my cookies on the bed... if I'm not, then I must supervise the Human Woman to ensure she counts out the correct amount of cookies.

Then we all run into the bedroom to get out cookies.  The Human Woman then does her normal "get ready for bed" things, and at the very end, she'll get into her "go to bed" outfit, and the moment she's just about ready to go to bed...  I need to go out.

So... that means she has to throw on her robe and slippers and take me out.

I must also sniff while I'm out... because something may have changed between the time I last went out, so depending on how cold it is, I must sniff... if it's REALLY cold, then I must sniff more because that seems to excite the Human Woman.  I also may... or may not poo.  Pooing depends on whether I feel like getting the Humans up at 2am to poo, or just get them up at 2 am for no reason what so ever.  I always go out at 2am... they seem to enjoy the break in their sleep.

After my private escort outside, I am then very thirsty, so I must stop at the water bowl to drink, even though the water bowl is always there and is always filled with fresh water.  I will only drink out of the left water bowl.  If the left water bowl is empty, but the right one is full, I scream until they fill the left water bowl.  I also scream if there's Mutatoe drool in the left water bowl, or if the temperature of the left water bowl is not of my liking.

Sometimes at this point, the Mutatoe decides that he has to pee again and runs out.  The Human Woman always sends him back to bed, and not very nicely, there is yelling... something about "bladderless wonder", and "You've got to be kidding"... he usually isn't kidding, he truly is a bladderless wonder.

Then we go to bed... at 9:30pm... right on schedule!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Almonds are Most Certainly Bad

So... the Human Man drops a few of these tasty looking morsels on the floor

Yep, those are almonds.  Tasty... crunchy... not good for dogs.

How do I know this... well...

Every half hour... without fail... sometimes with epic fail when the Humans wouldn't leap out of bed and let me out... it was brutal.

So... since Sam had a tooth removed, he's relegated to a soft diet, and since I'm a poo machine, it's a soft bland food diet... which is...


Not only do we have to eat it... but it requires that the food be soaked to make it soft, so not only do we have prison rations, but we have to stand there and wait for it while it soaks.

Torture.  Pure torture.

We are slowly getting our regular tasty food added, but this process can't end soon enough.

I'm literally wasting away... but at least my poo is back to normal.

- Meeshka