Friday, February 13, 2015

Bed Coup

It's been very unexciting around here for a while.

There hasn't been any snow... well, some flakes, but not SNOW that you can create a little mountain out of and sleep.

It's been cold, which is fine with me, but the humans aren't that crazy about it.

The usual day-to-day grind of napping, sleeping, napping, eating, napping, going out to poo.

The fun starts at night though.

Not only do we continue our "let's get the humans up at the butt crack of dawn so we can pee" routine, but Sam has decided to throw a coup and take over the bed.

It's been a slow process.  The Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog is a professional napper.  He can't even get into the Olympic because he's that much of a professional, although apparently you can get in if you are a pro basketball player or something... what's up with that?

Because he prefers laying on the Sleep Number bed, Sam will go to great lengths to make himself look very uncomfortable on the myriad of expensive orthopedic beds the humans have strewn throughout the house.

The Humans fall into his evil plan and plop him onto the Sleep Number (Sam is a 25).

Since he spend so much time on it, he's formulated the perfect napping strategy, honed his skills

Please note that he has discovered the beauty of the cushy pillow.  Yep, those humans are pretty smart, they cushion their heads on bags stuffed with soft feather things.

Unfortunately, at night the humans also use the gigantic soft bed, and this makes Sam very angry.

How dare they encroach upon his personal sleepy spot! After all, they spent all of that money for those dog beds, so why can't they sleep there.

He felt that was a brilliant idea and has set about to change the bed dynamic... one night at a time.

His approach:  slowly herd the Human Woman out of the bed.

I give her a week before she's sleeping in the front room on the orthopedic dog bed.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Happy New Year Now Shut Up and Go To Bed

My name is Meeshka, and I'm afraid of thunder and fireworks.

I didn't always have this phobia.  There's nothing that scared me, hurt me, or affected me in any way.  One day I was fine during thunderstorms, and the next time I wasn't.  I hate fireworks too.  I sleep through explosions on tv, even fireworks on tv, but not in real life.  I don't even flinch if there's a loud noise somewhere close, but fireworks and thunder, that's another story.

I pee.  Usually I try to pee on the Human's bed.  I think it's the fastest way to get their attention.  I also claw them.  I feel that they need to run around and do something, and clawing makes them run around.

I'll pee on my bed, I'll pee on the carpet, I don't care, thunder and fireworks makes me pee, but I refuse to go outside.

If I'm outside and fireworks or thunder goes off, I'll run inside and pee, just on principle.

Loki Mutatoe is afraid of fireworks and thunder too, but he just cowers under something.

They dress us up in garments called "Thundershirts" which they spray with DAP and they give us Melatonine (3mg) to "take the edge off" and then we go downstairs where the sounds are more muffled and they turn up the volume on the tv and play music.

We still pace and pant and pee and claw, but not as frantic.

We hate fireworks and thunder.

There's nothing we can do about the weather, but there is something we can do about people who shoot off fireworks (illegally in the state of Merryland I may add) and that's this:  KNOCK IT OFF!

Nobody enjoys fireworks... seriously, nobody!  Nobody enjoys fireworks when you randomly set it off on a non-holiday workday at random hours... or when you and your drunk buddies stay up until the wee hours of the morning and set it off... nobody enjoys that.  You are obnoxious and annoying and we all hate you, so stop it.

If you must set it off on New Years.... wait until freakin midnight and get it over with.  Don't be randomly setting it off at 8pm until midnight... you suck.  Oh, and may I add, it's ILLEGAL!

This has been your Husky Service Announcement for the end of 2014.  Let's make 2015 enjoyable for everyone by not setting off fireworks.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Friday, November 28, 2014

Bedtime Routine

Every night we have a VERY strict bedtime routine.

The Humans demand that we all go to bed at 8:30pm every night, 365 days a year... frankly, that's around the time when we are well rested from sleeping all day and are ready to play, but hey, they pay the mortgage, so we have to make some compromises I suppose.

First, they Humans put on Spineless, Bionic Hip/Knee Sam's purse and take him downstairs.

Loki Mutatoe always has to pee, he has the bladder of a pea, so he runs ahead to go out.  I skitter around the house and throw myself up on the bed and sit there regally and refuse to go outside.

The Humans stand around waiting for Sam to find the perfect poo spot, which usually involves shoving Mutatoe back into the house and pretending not to watch Sam, because he is a shy pooper and has to have complete and utter silence and nobody within 5 miles looking at him poop.

After the poo ritual, they help him back up the stairs, and then we all get 2 cookies.  If I'm laying on the bed, I simply stay there to be fed my cookies on the bed... if I'm not, then I must supervise the Human Woman to ensure she counts out the correct amount of cookies.

Then we all run into the bedroom to get out cookies.  The Human Woman then does her normal "get ready for bed" things, and at the very end, she'll get into her "go to bed" outfit, and the moment she's just about ready to go to bed...  I need to go out.

So... that means she has to throw on her robe and slippers and take me out.

I must also sniff while I'm out... because something may have changed between the time I last went out, so depending on how cold it is, I must sniff... if it's REALLY cold, then I must sniff more because that seems to excite the Human Woman.  I also may... or may not poo.  Pooing depends on whether I feel like getting the Humans up at 2am to poo, or just get them up at 2 am for no reason what so ever.  I always go out at 2am... they seem to enjoy the break in their sleep.

After my private escort outside, I am then very thirsty, so I must stop at the water bowl to drink, even though the water bowl is always there and is always filled with fresh water.  I will only drink out of the left water bowl.  If the left water bowl is empty, but the right one is full, I scream until they fill the left water bowl.  I also scream if there's Mutatoe drool in the left water bowl, or if the temperature of the left water bowl is not of my liking.

Sometimes at this point, the Mutatoe decides that he has to pee again and runs out.  The Human Woman always sends him back to bed, and not very nicely, there is yelling... something about "bladderless wonder", and "You've got to be kidding"... he usually isn't kidding, he truly is a bladderless wonder.

Then we go to bed... at 9:30pm... right on schedule!

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Almonds are Most Certainly Bad

So... the Human Man drops a few of these tasty looking morsels on the floor

Yep, those are almonds.  Tasty... crunchy... not good for dogs.

How do I know this... well...

Every half hour... without fail... sometimes with epic fail when the Humans wouldn't leap out of bed and let me out... it was brutal.

So... since Sam had a tooth removed, he's relegated to a soft diet, and since I'm a poo machine, it's a soft bland food diet... which is...


Not only do we have to eat it... but it requires that the food be soaked to make it soft, so not only do we have prison rations, but we have to stand there and wait for it while it soaks.

Torture.  Pure torture.

We are slowly getting our regular tasty food added, but this process can't end soon enough.

I'm literally wasting away... but at least my poo is back to normal.

- Meeshka

Sammy Freak Out

Well, it's been an exciting couple of weeks here in Meeshka's World.

Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog, Sam, decided that he wanted to freak out the Humans and get some attention.  I don't know why he feels he doesn't get any attention... none of us get lifted on and off the bed, or get to wear an embarrassing purse and helped up and down the stairs.  The Humans even hold him up when he takes a poo, so I'm pretty sure he gets more than his fair share of attention...

He clearly broke the rules as I was having a bit of gastro-intestinal upset because the Human Man kept dropping tasty almonds on the kitchen floor and let's just say... they didn't agree with me.  So, while I'm screeching to be let out every half hour at all hours of the day and night... Sam up and does this:

Yep, out of the blue, for no apparent reason, Sam started having nosebleeds!

Now, I know a bit about dogs and nosebleeds, and NOTHING good comes from that.  It only seemed to happen every time they forced him to go down the stairs to potty.  Sam hates the stairs.  Sam HATES the stairs, and he'll go to every length to avoid going down them, but this was a bit ridiculous if you ask me.  It was only bleeding in the right nostril for some reason.

So, they whisked Sam off to one vet, who thought he saw a little scratch up his right nostril.  Then they whisked him off to the regular vet who verified that it was only coming out of the right nostril, but couldn't see anything (probably because Sam doesn't like people messing with his nose, but anyway), so they stole some blood and gave him antibiotics to take.

Then on Tuesday the Humans whisked him off to the vet without any food and he spent the day taking a nap, getting x-rays and having his nasty teeth cleaned.
The vet thought that perhaps he had a nasty tooth that was invading his sinus, but the x-rays came back and...


No sign of tumors (the biggest fear), no sign of dental encroachment... nothing.  No reason for his nose to bleed, AT.ALL.

Sigh... meanwhile I'm on a bland diet... actually we all are because when one suffers, we all suffer.

So, Tuesday night, Mr. Self Importance comes home all zonked out.

Dude... I'm so stoned
His breath is a lot better now, but if the Humans try to force him down the stairs and stress him out... he may have a nose bleed, so they've been very nice at bribing him to go down the stairs with treats and praise and blah blah, seriously?

Meanwhile I'm starving on this bland diet... more on that in another blog post because there's no way I'm sharing my misery with Sam.

He's much better, in case you were all worried.  He goes to his massage every other week still and this morning he was so pleased with his poop that he skittered all the way into the house looking like a spaz.


Friday, September 12, 2014

Intruder Bunny

We have an intruder.

It's a bunny.

I have no idea how this bunny managed to sneak into the very secure Meeshka World.  The Human Woman has spent her entire lifetime pouring concrete to keep us from digging out, securing the fence cracks to keep us from squeezing out, and patrolling the perimeter ever vigilant for any sort of lapse in security all in the name of keeping us from getting out...

Apparently she didn't expect anything to want IN to our domain.

The bunny has been chased OUT of our domain several times.

The bunny somehow finds its way back IN to our domain.

It ate the Human Woman's vegetables.

It poops near where we poo, as if to say "F you".

Mutatoe HATES the bunny.  He chases it around the yard with his ample ass flapping in the breeze, and yet it still manages to outrun him and hide in the stuff that's under the deck.

From its safe place, it laughs at him.

The Human Woman thought she figured out that it was squeezing in through the small gap in the fence corner, so after chasing the bunny through the gate AGAIN, she blocked that spot.

The bunny laughed at her.

This bunny has some nads, that's for sure.  It actually sits in the yard and waits for us to come out before scampering into its hidey hole of stuff under the deck.

I will get you bunny.

- Meeshka

Sunday, August 24, 2014

The 2014 Uncle Jack Ghoul Pool

Ok humans, it's time to batten down the hatches, and prepare for the worst, it's time for the 2014 Uncle Jack Ghoul Pool!

For those of my loyal fans, you know what this time of year means: death, destruction, and all sorts of mayhem and chaos.

Once again, this year Uncle Jack will not be visiting us, we are sending the Human Man out to visit him and grandma and grandpa Human Man for the safety of the East Coast as we know it.  I pity the West Coast, it was nice knowing you.

Every time the Human Man's relatives get into one central area along with Uncle Jack, something horrible happens in the world.  Typically there is a horrific natural (or unnatural) disaster, and someone famous dies.

Check out the history of Uncle Jack Ghoul Pool at these links:

Here is the back story

And here

Some more

Even more

So you see... it's about to get all freaky in here, so get your guesses in now.

I realize that a lot of that has happened recently (and can probably be blamed on Uncle Jack) such as the passing of Robin Williams, and today's massive earthquake in California (oh the woomanity).

The official start time for Uncle Jack's Ghoul Pool starts on Saturday 30 August 2014, so you have until then to guess:

1.) The horrific natural (or unnatural) disaster anywhere in the world
2.) The unexpected death of a famous person

Put your guesses in the comments and we'll see who wins.  Remember, nobody really wins anything, you just get the satisfaction of knowing you contributed to the horribly events that will occur soon.  So you have that going for ya.

I'll just be hanging out here where it's safe

Saturday, August 16, 2014

It's Not Fair

It has come to my attention that the Humans are wasting a large amount of time "pinning" things they want, or think is cool, or want to do, or have done, or whatever to a site called Pinterest.

I feel this is very unfair.  If the humans can do this, there should be a platform for us canines to share things we have done, want to do, think is cool, or whatever.

Therefore, I want to start a new platform called Peterest.  I fully expect the human site to sue me, but I'm a dog... have fun with that.

Therefore, these are the things I would "pet".

Things I've done:

Things I want:

* Update:  It has come to my attention (thanks Thundering Herd) that the website Peterest already exists, but only contains pictures of pets... I'm not amused.

Friday, August 01, 2014

The Great Escape

The other day, as usual, we were hanging out (napping) in our crates waiting for the Human Woman to come home and feed us lunch.

Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee Sam decided he wanted to sleep on his cushy Serta Perfect Sleeper dog bed.

He really wanted to nap there.

He had enough, he planned his escape, which consisted of pushing open his crate's side door that hadn't been properly latched.

I would like to file a formal complaint in that the Mutatoe and my crates are boxed in and we can't use our emergency side escape hatches.

He then walked around and gloated about his newfound freedom before plooping his creaky butt down on his big cushy dog bed, flaunting his comfort.

This is how the Human Woman found him.

To her credit, she started checking the side door, so he's stuck like the rest of us.

- Meeshka

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Car Ride Roulette

Once again the Spineless Bionic Hip/Knee dog Sammy went in the car and came back gloating about how now he has three women doing his massage and warm toasty laser treatments, and about how all three of them were feeding him tasty treats while we were stuck at home.

After lunch, the Human Woman took Loki Mutatoe in the car.  This is truly unfair!  I totally expected him to come back with stories of being massaged on a nice cushy bed and being fed treats.

Apparently not.

The Human Woman said that my turn is next week.

I'm rethinking this whole "fun" car ride thing.

- Meeshka