Dear Queen Meeshka
I would like to apply for HULA membership. I don’t know if I have all of the steps covered yet, I don’t really like Kleenex, but I’m getting close.
My best skill is demonstrating disruptive behavior. My human enrolled me in flyball training. Since there are more than 4,000 boring collies and only 30 huskies enrolled in flyball, she was very excited when the trainer said it was time for me to run with the team. You see, I’ve been in training for more than three years now; the human says I’m in remedial flyball and then laughs. So I decided to teach her a lesson.
The trainer said if I did well at a flyball demo, she’d put me in the team lineup for the next competition. I lulled them into a false sense of security by doing everything perfectly at the demo. I’m attaching pictures to show you how devious I am; not only did I do a perfect flyball demo, but I did it outside in an unfenced area without running off.
They put me on one of the flyball teams and said if I did okay in the warmup I could run in the race. I did a perfect warmup run, so they said I could run as fourth dog in the race. The first three dogs made flawless runs, mom released me and I ran over to visit the other team. She called me back and I got about halfway then ran down the middle between the two lanes. She yelled at me to get the ball, so I ran over and pulled the ball out of the box without triggering it.
Then I batted the ball around like a kitten before I ran over and tried to make friends with the box judge. She called me back and I ran back up to her, without going over a single jump. About halfway through my performance the team captain yelled, "Put the sheltie in!" Can you believe it? I demonstrate disruptive behavior like a good HULA member and they replace me with a SHELTIE! I bet we never see a sheltie in HULA.
Since the human keeps taking me to flyball class, I’m adding to my HULA credentials by destroying tennis balls. No tennis ball is safe from me, even the big, giant tennis ball. I’m attaching pictures to show you what I do to the tennis balls she gives. I’ll show THEM what replacing me with a sheltie is all about!
I also cause my human to freak out for no real reason all the time. My favorite was when she came out of the
bedroom and couldn’t find me. She was calling me and calling me and I was nowhere to be seen. She was almost in tears wondering how in the world I got out of the house and how long I had been gone. Eventually she found me in my favorite napping spot. I’m attaching a picture of that too. Hey, it was hot in the house and the carpet was too warm for me. I have now modified her behavior to turn on the air conditioner whenever *I* deem it too hot outside.
I even caused her a lot of guilt when I decided to eat my food too fast and I bloated. Okay, so in hindsight maybe that wasn’t the best idea since I ended up having emergency surgery and spending a night at the ER. The vet called mom early the next morning and said, "He’s fine come and get him." I think that had something to do with my escaping the x-pen and going up front to visit with the receptionist. Then running around the lobby playing keep-away when they tried to get me to go back to the pen. The worst part of that was that for surgery they shaved my fluffiness! I’m attaching some pictures to show you the horror of being de-fluffed.
Then the human humiliated me by dressing me up - TWICE! The first time was my aunt’s fault. She said she’d pay money to see a husky with bows in it’s ears. That horrible human will do anything for money and the next thing I know I had bows in my ears. Then I shook my head and ate the bows."
If that wasn’t bad enough, next she decided to get clever and dress me up as "a wolf in sheep’s clothing." That went over even worse than the bows, but boy those cotton balls are yummy - they’re even better than Kleenex!
I am also working behind the scenes to recruit new HULA members. The human fosters huskies for a rescue and I believe it’s my job to educate the foster dogs on proper HULA behavior before they go to their new home. When the time comes, you will have a full HULA army in Indy-ana ready and willing to await your commands.
Your humble servant,
(Good Work Quinn, and the Queen Meeshka beginning was very nice too - Meeshka)