Monday, April 28, 2008

Steps to insanity

The human woman came home at our lunch and stayed home because she didn’t feel good. Therefore:

We stood out in the rain and dug big, deep, muddy holes for grubs.

We ran inside all the way up the stairs, into the kitchen, out of the kitchen, down the hall, and jumped on the bed with muddy feet because she forgot to close the door to the back room so we couldn’t get into the house before she wiped out paws. By the time she caught up to us, our feet were clean and we were dry thanks to the bed.

She tried to nap but spent most of the time swiping out bits of mud and wet hair from the covers and complaining.

We went back outside and did the same thing (she never learns and she’s more forgetful when she doesn’t feel good), except this time I bathed my feet in the water bowl then chased the Mutatoe around the house so now there are wet, muddy prints all over (hey, she wanted white walls).

She went upstairs to get our heartworm pills and found Loki laying in his crate looking extremely guilty and trying to cover a blue potholder with his ample ass. She got it out and gave him an oyster cracker, then had to give me one because I caught her giving him one, then Sam came up and then we all got another one because we saw that Sam got one...

So, a productive day all around.

Meeshka
(clean feet are happy feet)

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Its about time

Normally I only post once a day because of my busy napping schedule, but I had to tell everyone the good news.

The human woman came home smelling like BBQ Ribs (which made me even more mad than before) but she was waving the iPhone at me telling me to LOOK LOOK!!! She was so excited that I forgot that I was mad at her and glanced at the picture she had taken while she was out getting tasty BBQ rib smells on her and not bringing any leftovers.

Yes, its true, and here is the proof:


I hope you can read it because it clearly reads that there is a store that is selling Bacon Shoes!!! YES!!!! Its about time too! Now dogs will not only be expected to, but actually encouraged to eat shoes! I can curl right up in the closet and snack on some tasty bacon shoes. I'm very excited about this.

The look is for:


DSC02882
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema
The shirt I had to wear last night when the thunderstorm came through and I was panting and clawing the humans.

Being made to sleep in the guest room with the human woman because of the panting and clawing while wearing the shirt and that room DOESN'T HAVE AN AIR VENT!

Making my human woman feel bad about putting me in a shirt and denying me my precious air vent.

For the human woman leaving for hours this morning and then coming home smelling of strange dogs and not taking me along.

Just to show her, I'm digging up all of the grubs and the precious little grassy grass she's so lovingly cultivated.

Meeshka
(not a real happy camper today)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Bountiful Grub Season

Its been a most bountiful crop of grubs this season. I think the humans’ attempt to grow grass is actually bringing in more of them, so we are rethinking our plans of total grass annihilation to perhaps allow for some grass growth in order to stimulate the grub population.

Speaking of grass, the back shed should be sprouting a most wonderful collect of grass soon, as we had some pretty nasty rains the past few days (making grub digging so easy, even the spineless bionic hip puppy could dig and enjoy his harvest). Most of the seed undoubtedly washed off into the shed (who puts a shed at the bottom of a hill anyway?) so I’ll be seeing the human woman with a machete trying to hack her way through the grass in order to get the lawn mower out.

Speaking of lawn mowers, its about time she gets off her lazy butt and mows the clumps of grass that is out there. All of my favorite poo spots are literally a forest of grass and its to the length that tickles my delicate po-po when I do my business. I hate being tickled when I’m concentrating on my balance, form and proper placement of poo.

Ok, nearly bed time. The human woman is exhausted from trying to keep up with covering our grub holes as soon as we make them. We’ve made it into a competition to see who can dig up the most grubs and whether some of our more well placed holes will cause her an injury.

Meeshka

Saturday, April 19, 2008

New HULA Member: Sky


Dear Meeshka,

My name is Sky.

I am The Prettiest Dog You Have Ever Seen. I know this because everyone keeps telling me so (and do not say you thought huskys were bigger and fluffier. Thin is in; don't you know that?). Firstly, I would like to apologise for the lateness of my application. My humans (hereafter know as Blondie and The Grump) are a bit slow on the uptake and have only just figured out this whole blogging thing and as you know we are infuriatingly dependent on their opposable thumbs...

So, I thought you might like to hear about some of the things I have been up to:

1.Demonstrating Disruptive Behaviour

Hmmm....so much to choose from. Well, once when The Grump was being walked by me through some woods near a cricket pitch (for my American friends, cricket is a bit like baseball only even more stupid). Some humans were knocking a ball around and my humans like it when I steal balls. I know this because every time I steal a ball from another dog in the park they give me a treat when I give it back to them. It's a great way of getting treats. So, the ball gets knocked in my direction and I steal it. I run off with it and I woo so everyone can see how clever I've been stealing the ball. I know The Grump was particularly pleased because he gave me a treat when I gave it to him. Then he throws it back to the other humans but of course I am far superior to any human and I get to it first and steal it again. The Grump was really pleased with me then. Although he went quite red, which was a bit odd.

2.Causing the humans to freak out for no reason

Oh yeah, I'm good at this. When it was Blondie's birthday last year they invited a stupid green dog to the party (see photo of me and the stupid green dog).


I did not like this dog because he stared a lot and would not play with me but then I discovered he was full of Good Stuff to Eat. Blondie and The Grump told everyone at the party to make sure that I did not get any of the Good Stuff to Eat. But my humans' friends are not used to my cunningness and they do not know how good I am at getting hold of Good Stuff to Eat. So I eat a bunch of Good Stuff to Eat. The next day I am not feeling so good. “Sky, would you like some breakfast?” No. “Sky, would you like a walk?” No. “Sky, would you like to sit up and pretend you're alive?” No. Blondie and The Grump were quite concerned by now and decided I needed a trip to the vets. The very, very expensive weekend emergency vets. The Grump had to carry me out to the car but when I got in the car I perked up a bit. Hey, it's quite fun going for a nice Sunday drive. When we got to the vets the nurses made a big fuss of me because I am The Prettiest Dog They Had Ever Seen. Yeah, it's quite nice being made a fuss of; I perked up some more. By the time I went in to see the very, very expensive weekend emergency vet I was a bundle of chirpy energy. She also told me that I was The Prettiest Dog She Had Ever Seen (yeah, yeah, I know) and gave Blondie and The Grump a sachet of stuff to put in my water (I didn't drink it) and some tins of stuff to eat (I didn't eat them) and asked them for £130, thank you very much. Blondie and The Grump think twice before taking me to the very, very expensive emergency vets these days.

3.Destroy Something

Sometimes in the cause of huskiness a husky gets a wee bit dirty. This is normal and perfectly acceptable. I like to think it sets off my coat. Blondie and The Grump don't see it this way and they try and deploy the evil hose against me. I do not like the hose. Now, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not afraid of the hose, I just don't like it. I don't like it anywhere near me. When it comes out I disappear. Last summer they bought a thing that goes on the hose they call a sprinkler. I quickly realised that if the hose is the devil, the sprinkler is the devil's spawn. So I killed it. Once, I also ate Bondie's mascara which made my face look really pretty but that's another story...

4.Human Behaviour Modification

Where to begin? Blondie and The Grump used to go wherever they liked and see whoever they liked. That was until they got me. Now they only go to pubs that let dogs in and only see their friends who don't mind seeing me too. But I guess my greatest triumph was in getting them to sell their flat and buy a house, with a garden, by a park; just so they could get me. Yeah, that was pretty cool.

5.Humans Dress You Up

Blondie thought that because I am Siberian in origin I might appreciate the stupid Russian-esque hat she bought on her Skiing holiday. I attach a photo in evidence (I have spared you Blondie's face; she is not The Prettiest Human You Have Ever Seen). I think my face says it all.

6.Love of Kleenex

Kleenex must be found and destroyed. In fact, I'm pretty egalitarian in my shredding activities; kleenex, paper, cardboard...it's all good. Please see photo of me with some tissue paper packaging.








Whilst it is not a requirement of HULA membership I thought you might like to know that I also have a gimpy-mutatoed-step-brother (see photo of Frank, attached. The least said about him the better).



Meeshka – I feel your pain.

Yours, in huskiness

Sk

Friday, April 18, 2008

An Award?


Meeshka Perky
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema
I'm so honored! The five Happy Hounds have nominated me for the Dogs with Blogs Awesome Blog award!

I'm speechless! Well, ok, I'm not totally speechless, especially when I clawed my human woman to get her to log in and vote for me. I mean, come on, its the least she can do since I do all the work on the blog. Thing was, she couldn't remember her login and password. Are you kidding me? I finally get nominated (without going up and doing it myself under a fake name) and she can't even vote for me?

Luckily Opy was on call and hacked into the forum and got me a new user name and password that I put into my iPhone for safe keeping. Please go up and vote for me, your soon to be Queen of the world and I will make it worth your while in livergreat once we take over from the mindless (and password forgetting) humans.

Speaking of iPhone, I got a little package in the mail the other day and have been meaning to blog all about it. Yes, its the really cool, totally stylish and HULA brand iPhone pouch that the Ao4 clawed their human woman to make for me. I haven't had time to get a picture of me sniffing their fur mail to me (Ammy, I know how you feel, and really, I think you should claw the door and get out and get muddy at least once). Once again, I've been at the whims of the human woman who claims that she's got more important things to do than take pictures of me modeling my new iPhone bag. Are ya kidding me?

Oh, you don't have any time to take pictures of me, but you certainly have time to buy yet ANOTHER stupid bag... yes, she bought another bag and not one of the cool ones that the Ao4's human makes, which are totally cool bags, no she didn't buy one of those, something about no messenger bag types in the selections and since she has no shoulders (seriously, she has a neck and arms, but its like all one piece, you think I cartoon her funny, really, she has no shoulders) but if the Ao4 human WERE to create a cool messenger bag with a really long strap, she would most certainly buy one... because she doesn't have enough bags already.

On top of which, she also has no time because she was outside in this horrible heat (yes, its like 100,000 degrees in Merryland today) watering the grass with a hose. Then Spineless Bionic Hip puppy Sam decided it would be great fun to chase the water, so he got wet, then the human woman decided that it would be funny to squirt the Mutatoe, but he ran screaming like a little girl dog... then she set her sights on me and got my fluffiness all wet! The nerve of her. But she's got a bit of a surprise when she goes to bed, as I sopped the water off of me by laying on her pillow.

Meeshka

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Resume for Martha Stewart

Ms. Stewart recently lost her beloved Chow Paw Paw. She was so distraught, she vacationed in the Bahamas. Hey, every human has their own way of grieving, and frankly a trip to the Bahamas would be a nice change of pace for me... which is why I’m submitting my resume to be the replacement dog for Ms. Stewart.

Some of you may ask yourself... Martha Stewart’s dog? Yes, because Ms. Stewart really knows how to treat a dog. What with her perfectly decorated house, her ability to whip up a nice home made meal for her pups on a whim and using only the finest of ingredients, and the fact that her pups are known to either travel with her, or get a babysitter while she’s gone means cushy city for me! Plenty of bling on the collar and tons of room to run and dig up grubs, I’m all for it.

Ms. Stewart is use to fluffy dogs, and it appears that Paw Paw was indeed very fluffy (but not as fluffy as I) and I’m sure she doesn’t complain about the fluff being shed all over her expensive furnishings (unless she’s screaming at the housekeeper to “do” something about it), so I’m pretty sure that I could live the cush life there at Castle Stewart and fit in just fine.

Besides, you don’t see my human woman making decorative wreaths with my fluff and selling knock-offs of them at outrageous prices at Walmart. If she did, then I would have my own spa, masseuse, and cook here at Castle Meeshka.

So, Ms. Stewart, if you happen to be reading, I’ll be waiting for your phone call. I’m very good at comforting you in this time of grief (as long as you are slathered in livergreat).

Meeshka

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Waiting for Grubs


Waiting for Grubs
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema
They are out there. I dig for them, I eat them. Mutatoe digs for them, I steal them. When I am queen, the grubs shall leave the ground on their own and throw themselves into my mouth.

For I command them.

Meeshka

Monday, April 14, 2008

Another Hobby

Yeah, I'm guessing this one wouldn't be a good hobby to have if you own huskies.

Meeshka

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Hobbies

I was reading Poppy's blog about the adventures of scrapbooking. Poppy looks very comfortable on the little table bed, supervising the placement of pictures in the scrapbook.

It made me think of two things:

1.) Why don't I have a bed on the table where I can supervise artsy craftsy things and the eating of food.
2.) Why doesn't my human woman do any scrapbooking.


Yeah, I guess that's why she doesn't do that kind of thing.

Meeshka

Friday, April 11, 2008

It Was the Biscuit

What with the mutatoe’s recent stomach issues, the human woman has been searching for a cookie that he can eat without sending him to the emergency vet and spending thousands of dollars. I say just feed us oyster crackers, as they are tasty and don’t upset our stomachs, but no, she wants “dog” biscuits. Eesh.

So, yesterday we got some kind of holistic peanut butter cookie that was home-made (at least that’s what the package claimed) with the loving hands of grandmother types who only use home grown products such as monosodium glutomate, plucked from their back yards.

At about 11:30 pm, my stomach began to rumble. Then it began to roll. Then it began to gurgle, and it was at this point that I began tap dancing on the human woman’s head to get the point across that if she didn’t get up immediately and let me outside, she would have a lovely mess to clean up. She wasn’t AS quick as I had hoped, but I made it outside in time.

12:30 am, a few woos and one claw and outside I was again.

1:30 am, well, you get the point, and it was around that time that she shoved a pepto bismol tab down my throat and told me to go back to sleep. Nice, eh? Great sympathy for the gastro-intestinal issues that SHE gave me. Regardless of the commercials that say that pepto is fast acting, I continued to wake her up every hour so I could explode in the yard. She had the gall to complain this morning about being tired. Um, how about tired and have liquid shoot out of your butt in the back yard, how about that for inconvenient???

I had hoped to blog today about the really cool thing that I got in the mail and wasn’t quickly scooped up by the human woman who refuses to give it back to me, but that will have to wait until later.

In the meantime, just to show you what I have to put up with, the human woman has decided that the KC and the Sunshine Band song “Get Down Tonight” was written about a human telling a husky to get off the bed, as the lyrics go something like this:

Get down
Get down
Get down
Get down
Get down tonight Baby
Woo Woo Woo WOOOOOOOO

I’m assuming that the husky’s name is Baby, and yes, I can see why the human woman might think this was about a husky owner, as it does take approximately 5 attempts to get us to do anything, and then we have to complain back.

Meeshka
(got a pepcid with the Mutatoe for breakfast, feeling much better, although I do poot when I run up the stairs)

Monday, April 07, 2008

My Afternoon

5 pm the human woman gets home, lets us out of our nap crates, we go outside to pee and sniff the grass.

5:30 pm I claw the human woman and demand my food. She does my bidding but doesn’t feed me nearly enough to maintain my average fluffiness. I stomp my feet and demand more, she ignores me, I claw her for good measure.

5:35 pm The human man gets home, I give him a welcome home claw, explain that the human woman has forgotten to feed us, he is not fooled.

6 pm I demand to go outside
6:01 pm I demand to be let back inside
6:02 pm I demand to go outside
6:03 pm I demand to be let back inside
6:04 pm I demand to go outside, I am ignored, I pout

6:30 pm I convince spineless bionic hip puppy and the mutatoe to ask to go outside, then refuse to join them.

6:35 pm I look very cute on the dog bed in the living room, then when the human woman comes to pet me, I skitter away, riccochet off the bed a few times, then run to my crate and refuse to come out.

6:37 pm I demand to go out by racing down the stairs and throwing myself at the back door, human woman lets me out, then watches me run once around the yard. Mutatoe waits for me to try to get back inside so he can attack me, I send Spineless bionic hip puppy Sam as bait, then saunter to the back door when he’s being attacked. I refuse to go inside though.

6:38 pm Spineless bionic hip pup Sam beats on the back door to be let in.

6:39 pm Mutatoe beats on the door to be let in

6:40 pm I scream at the back door to be let in, human woman mutters something about not understanding how she can gain weight with all the exercise she gets.

6:41 pm I throw myself down in front of the entryway and heave a tremendous sigh that marks the beginning of my pre-bed time nap.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Chin Rest


Meeshka lounge
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema
The one thing I like about my deck is the lovely chin rest that's built into the entire deck. No matter where the action is, I can lay down and rest my chin and catch all of the excitement of the yard.

I've been doing some major power napping today. Its a beautiful day, the human woman has decided to do nothing productive today, so its boring following her around, only to have her do nothing. No fun paint to get into, no piles of junk to steal things from, no nothing. She hasn't even gone out into the yard to rake for us to get into the way, or cut up tasty sticks for us to steal. She's very boring.

I've been checking out some other blogs and I see that their humans actually take them places, include them in the family outings. Mine don't. We just stay here in our house, don't go anywhere exciting at all. Maybe the vet, that sucks. Not my idea of getting out of the house.

We are so abused, can someone send us a bus ticket so we can see some sights?

Meeshka
(excitement-ville)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I have gas

Ok, this isn’t an April Fool’s thing, I really do have gas. Let out a big ol fart while the humans were standing in the kitchen and they stopped talking (a new attention getting method for those of you taking notes) and stared at me. Just to prove my point, I farted again.

I don’t know why I have gas, as I’m apparently being starved to death with a combination of the new Canidae food and the bland food that Mutatoe had to eat (but we didn’t, so I have no idea why we’re getting it), so you would think that my stomach would be full of bland things and not able to generate energy let alone gas, but for some reason... I’m gaseous.

To change the subject, the humans are once again (futile I know, but they are stubborn) trying to grow grass in my back yard. Its fun watching the human woman spread the seed all over the barren moon-like ground that’s full of holes. We laugh at her and roll in the grass seed. I hope that I’ll sprout a nice lawn in my fur and prove to her that she can grow grass everywhere but the back yard.

Of course you are suppose to water after you throw down grass (I read that on the bag, apparently the human woman either can’t read or she’s lazy... we all know the answer to that one), but they never water after they throw the grass seed around. They expect it to rain and self water, which is another reason why we don’t have grass back there. The main reason being that the three of us dig it all up the moment it sprouts, but that’s neither here nor there, the other reason is that when it does rain it washes the seeds to the back of the yard and we usually get a nice fertile lawn in the shed back there.

So, its business as usual around here. Human woman doing stupid things, we nap.

Meeshka

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

April Fools


You know, when the human woman suggested pasting my head on the body of a shaved cat, I seriously didn't think anyone would fall for it, but apparently some of you have. I don't know whether to be proud that all of you believe my every word no matter what I say, or be a little concerned that you can't tell that my head was pasted onto the body of a shaved cat.

April Fools everyone, I assure you that I would never allow the humans to shave me no matter what, and that I'm as fluffy as ever, no skin problems whatsoever.

Meeshka