Sunday, December 31, 2006

New HULA Member: Indy

Dear Meeshka,

Here are my qualifications:

1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior – sometimes when I think my humans have taken my for granted, I will decide to skip a meal or two, lay around, and sigh a lot. Then I will insist that I have to go out several times. I’ll drink a lot of water so that I can pee every time I go out. Then they humans will start to worry and give me extra pets and attention. Then sometimes I will wait until my humans are resting on the couch and dance around and run to the door and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk…then my humans each try to get the other one to take me out, and then finally one of them has to take me…and I just prance around outside and sniff the air and dawdle until the human says "Come on, pee pee, poo!" and I sniff some more, and prance around, and then the human says, more impatiently, "Pee pee! Poo poo!" It’s fun to make them say it really loudly, especially if other people are walking by.

2. Cause your human to freak out for no real reason - see #1, where I skip meals and lay around and sigh a lot, and act like I have an upset tummy, and act like I REALLY have to go out and it’s URGENT. See photo of me acting sick.

3. Cause human guilt for no reason – when I have an upset tummy I will lay on the floor by the table and stare at my humans. My mom swears that when they have to fast me for a day (fasting sucks, I means you get no food!) I somehow make my face look thinner and my eyes bigger.

4. Destroy something - I’m six years old, so I have an impressive list. During puppyhood I destroyed countless pairs of my mom’s socks, underwear, shoes, shirts. I also went after leather gloves, and paper – I LOOOOOOOVE shredding paper! Last night I almost got away with a roll of wrapping paper and a bag from Bath and Body Works that smelled like caramel popcorn!

5. Human behavior modification - See #1 where I make the sleepy humans argue over who has to take me out every hour for no reason! I also love to leave the blood on my paws after I eat a beef rib. I think it makes me look cool, especially when I am going to day care. My mom makes me come into the kitchen and has to wipe the blood off with a wet paper towel, and then we are a few minute late and she gets my fur on her clothes! See picture of my bloody paws.

6. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans – I put an end to that. I like bandannas around my neck, they are okay, as they enhance my handsomeness. I do not tolerate hats of any type. Two years ago my mom put a cowboy hat on my head for Halloween. When she came home from work the next day I had shredded the cowboy hat and left it right by the front door.

7. Love of Kleenex - I do love kleenex! I destroy them, but I don’t eat them. I mean come on – I get raw chicken and beef – the flavor of Kleenex just can’t compare! But I do love to shred them and strew them all over the floor, as well as any type of paper or cardboard. See photo of me with shreds of paper.

Respectfully,

Indy

- Even though I'm suppose to be behaving and being cute and fluffy for the stressed humans during Sammy's recovery, I'm happy to see that others are able to carry the HULA torch while I behave. Congrats Indy. - Meeshka

Where's My Pillow?

The human woman disappeared last night, apparently sleeping down with Sam. It was a good thing, in that I got a LOT of the bed so I could stretch out and be comfortable, but something was missing. Oh yes, the human woman’s head that I use for a pillow! Its just very disturbing to me when my routine is messed up.

The gimpy suck up mutatoe spent all night sleeping with his face right by the Sammy monitor. With each noise he would dutifully get up and smack the human man with his mutatoe paw to wake him up. “HEY, there was a noise, you better see to it!”

The human woman appeared at our usual waking up time and let us out, then back in. She then disappeared again to help Sammy go outside with the help of the very sleepy human man. Apparently by the sound of the celebration, Sammy peed outside again. When she came back upstairs to feed us (and its about time) I ignore her. The gimpy mutatoe suck up celebrated as though she had been gone for years and was very wiggly and happy to see her. I ignored her and glared at her. Of course I ate my breakfast, and then gave her a nice claw to the leg.

We got to go outside again, and Loki caught a mouse. He was guarding it, so I couldn’t get it. Once again, the spoilsport human woman came out with the flashlight and bag, and even though I told Loki not to give it up, he did, and over the fence it went. Sigh. We refused to come back inside, even though we know the human woman wanted to nap, which is our little way of saying “ignore us will you”.

Later on the human woman made a very VERY tasty treat in a big vat, which I thought was suppose to be for me. She even let me taste one or two and they were delicious. I remember when she made them for old guy-guy Nova, its like raw meat and a whole bunch of other tasty things that the humans call “satin balls”. She made a whole lot of it and I fully expected it all to land in my bowl, but then she put it away in the fridge and freezer, and carried a bag down to Sam. I stomped my delicate feet about that! She did appease both gimpy suck up and I by giving us each a small taste when she came back up, but it still isn’t enough.

We spent a lot of time out on the deck today too. Its nice and cool, so we didn’t mind at all, actually came back inside and asked to go right out again. There is a kitty on the loose, two actually. A black one, and a gray one. We could never see the kitties, but we could smell them through the fence. Up on the deck we can actually see the kitties. Loki tried his “stare at it until it gets bored enough to just come into the yard” routine, but the kitties are apparently smart. They didn’t want to come play and weren’t mesmerized by Loki’s constant staring like some mice and moles are. Kitties are a force to be reckoned with.

Sam has been incredibly unhappy in his crate today. He’s been crying and wooing, and even scratching at the crate, sometimes chewing at the crate and that’s even after he’s had his sleepy pill. The humans are very upset about this and don’t know what they can do about it. They tried to do a routine like they would be doing if they had to go to work, but they haven’t been really successful at that. They’ve given in to his whims, and sat down there with him, and went down there when he woos, but now they’re trying to be brave and let him go. They know that when they go to the work place, they won’t be there to comfort him, so he needs to just be in there and not get attention. I’m glad I’m not down there not getting attention. Its very sad.

I chased the gimpy mutatoe around the yard and fell down. I thought the human woman was going to have a coronary. Normally its fun causing her stress, but I think any more stress and she’ll explode at this point. I’m doing my best to be fluffy and comforting. I guess I just need to be more helpful during this time and not be a bother, but I’ll make up for it when he’s all better, which hopefully will be very soon.

Meeshka

Saturday, December 30, 2006

We WILL Get Access

The humans made a huge deal about Sammy peeing twice today. Big deal, I pee all the time, and suckup mutatoe pees in the house (unbeknownst to the humans) so I just don’t see what all the fuss is about.

I’ve woo’d do him a few times, and he’s whined back a few. He doesn’t feel good, poor guy, but when the humans shove pills down his throat he does feel better, but he’s already sick of the crate thing. They didn’t give him his sleepy medication this morning, so he was really sick of the crate thing and they spent a lot of time down there trying to get him to settle down. They did give him a sleepy pill at lunch, so he’s been sleepy pup ever since then.

One of the benefits of Sam’s recovery is the guilt feeding. Oh yeah, he’s milking it for all he’s worth and scored nothing but chopped up turkey lunch meat for lunch today. As an added bonus, the human woman gave us some in our food as well. Gotta love the sick food!

Apparently the new rule of the house is no barking, wooing, or riccocheting off the bed. This whole change of routine is really draining on us. We do something and we’re told not to do it. But we’ve done it for YEARS! We do like the deck though, its very comfy to nap on. We get to look over the fence and taunt the other dogs in the neighboring yards, and watch the neighbors and its actually much nicer than sleeping on dirt.

I made the human woman freak out by napping with my back right on the edge of the deck stairs. Hehe, she was worried that she would startle me in my sleep and I would roll down the stairs. I think I see some gray hair growing on her lately.

We also managed to knock down the baby gate and make a dash for the downstairs, but we got caught on the landing. What we didn’t know was that they deviously placed yet ANOTHER gate downstairs, so that will be a challenge to get through. The human man had to carry Loki back up the stairs, as he refused to go up on his own, a fine display of resistance for the suck up.

We had our 4pm play time with the human woman though. At least she’s keeping our normal schedule going. I even chased the suck up mutatoe around the yard for a bit and didn’t try very hard to catch him. He’s such a sensitive little twerp that I made him feel as though he’s much faster than me, which I’m sure he’ll brag about. He’s been playing very nice with me, and not grabbing my tail when I run, so that’s nice. I think the whole tail grabbing thing is another new rule, and frankly, its about time for that one!

So far, no pictures of the icky surgery site or Sammy’s stunningly bad haircut. I’m thinking that might happen tomorrow. I also heard that instead of the human man sleeping downstairs with Sam, that the human woman will take her turn, but I don’t know if I can allow that. I need her head to sleep on, and Loki is such a cry baby if she’s not around. We’ll see what happens tonight and whether we’ll let them get any sleep.

Meeshka

Friday, December 29, 2006

Sammy Update for 29 December 2006 (this is no fun)

The humans got up early and went to pick up Sammy. They got back just in time for our lunch, which is good timing.

They carried him in and got him comfy in his crate downstairs and then let us out... but they wouldn’t let us go downstairs to welcome him back! I mean, come on, just one sniff? But no, the human woman did let us go out on the deck, so we had fun going on the deck, which we never get to do, and then we went out in the yard, but ran straight for the back door because we figured that we’d get to go through the back door to go see Sammy. No.

All day we’ve been trying to go see Sammy, but they put the stupid gate up and we can only see him from the 2nd floor. I’ve woo’d to him a few times, but he doesn’t answer me. He seems a bit drugged up, and very comfy in his new cage. He’s sporting a new hair cut down his back and one on his side. The cut from the surgery looks pretty oogie, but not so bad. I mean he looks silly with his bare back and all, you barely notice that big ol cut down his back.

The human man spent a lot of time down there with Sammy, to make sure he’s ok and all. They watched some tv together, then Sam napped. The watched more tv together, and then Sam napped. I kept trying to woo at him and even yapped once, but the human woman made us go out again, via the deck. No chance of her messing up and letting us down the stairs I guess.

So, this is very boring. He appears to be doing ok, sleeps a lot. He’s gone outside twice (he’s allowed 4 “out” times no longer than 10 minutes and no racing around the yard), and sleeps. Sigh. Good to have him back, but I can’t sniff him and that makes me stomp my delicate little feet. Of course, he can’t stomp his delicate little feet because they still don’t work very well, so I guess I’ll just have to monitor him from afar and hope for a chance to get down and sniff him sometime soon.

Meeshka

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Sammy Update for 28 December 2006

The humans are plotting, planning, and buying things for Sammy's grand homecoming. If this is what it takes to get all of their attention... nah, no way, I'll just get my attention by being cute and fluffy.

The human woman started making a keening noise this morning over her oatmeal (which she didn't share) as she was reading some of the recovery instructions that the vet had given them with their bill. Apparently Sammy has to stay in his crate (which needs to be moved to a quiet place with dim lighting) for 8 whole weeks. We won't be allowed to even sniff him when he comes home, because apparently with all of the drugs messing with his mind, and the fact that he's vulnerable, he may freak out and get scared of us. I don't know how anyone could be scared of my fluffiness unless I meant to be scary, but fine, we'll leave him alone.

She started keening even more when she read that they needed to buy diapers, and baby wipes and all sorts of stuff. Apparently King Sammy will be just going in his crate, since he's only allowed out as long as he's calm (he's a husky) and will lay quietly (um, he's a husky), and to change his diaper, take his temperature once a day, and clean his crate (he's a husky).

We're not suppose to get him all riled up, get near him, sniff him, touch him, or do anything with him for 8 weeks. All that time he has to lay in his crate and heal. Yeah, this will be fun. That means 8 weeks of me being the toy for the gimpy suck up mutatoe.

This morning the human woman was worried because the human that called said he was a bit weak after the surgery and had some sort of thing called a urinary tract infection, but apparently that's normal and he's taking pills for it. The poor guy, on top of being in a crate all this time he has to take pills and things. In the afternoon when the human woman took a call and was much happier to hear that Sammy was feeling much better than in the morning, and he was even wagging his tail. That's especially good because that means his tail works. If his tail works then his back legs should also work, and if all of those work, then the chances are good that he'll be normal once he heals all up.

They both went out and bought a bunch of things today and put them downstairs, I guess for his own private little hideway for his recovery. I'm guessing that he'll also get to watch tv and stuff while he's down there. Sammy gets to stay in the place where we can't go, and I guess that's ok, as long as we get to play with him again soon.

Meeshka

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Sammy News Update

Me and the gimpy mutatoe listened into the phone when the humans were talking to the surgeon and apparently Sammy ruptured a disc and came through surgery wonderfully. His spinal cord is fantastic, everything went well, and he's by now had dinner and is recuperating in his little recovery crate at the hospital.

The humans did the happy dance with us to celebrate. They could have picked him up tomorrow, but the human man has to drive to another state for a stupid work meeting, so they'll bring him home friday morning.

I'm sure he's going to be all drugged up and we probably won't get to play with him at all, he'll probably smell funny, like he did when he came home from his bionic hip surgery. I'm guessing that he'll start bragging about his bionic spine next, and how expensive he is and worth more than us, but that's fine. I miss his stupid girly yapping and bragging. I miss him so much that I've been playing with the suck up gimpy mutatoe out in the yard, but I'm being "gentle" as the human woman reminds me. I guess no more slamming heads into the ground or humping any more. Sigh. These gimpies are too fragile for me.

Here's a picture of Sammy before the "incident":

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Sammy Update 26 December 2006

We all slept badly last night (well I did because the human woman was tossing and turning), and then the humans got up early and made a phone call, then they left for a few hours. When they came back, we got sniff mail from Sammy on their clothes.

Most humans don't realize that we dogs leave letters on their clothes when we rub up against them and shed, that's how we get a lot of our long distance intelligence news.

Sammy didn't get better at the ER vet place, so the humans took him to a very swank Neurosurgery and Rehabilitation Center in Westminster, MD. He said that he was a perfect husky there, causing all sorts of chaos and mayhem by trying to slide all over the floor and be a pest. They gave him a nice pain patch at the other place, so he said he saw some very strange things, but we're chalking that up to the medicine and don't believe he actually saw a 400ft sausage shaped like a donut.

The nice doctor there did some tests on him, and looked at the X-rays and said that he thinks its a compressed spine thing mid-way up his back that's causing all of the problems. Sammy gets to stay at this place over night while they run bloodwork and give him more meds. Tomorrow (27 December 2006) they will put him in a machine to see his innards and things to figure out what exactly is going on, and if they can fix it, the doctor will operate on him right then.

If all that happens, then he'll get to come home in a few days, but that means he'll be in a crate all drugged up so he doesn't move for quite some time. The humans told us that we would have to be very VERY gentle with Sammy until he's healed, and even then, no more tail pulling by the gimpy suck up mutatoe, and I am no longer allowed to hump him to show dominance.

The humans are very stressed about this whole thing, and frankly so are I and the gimpy suck-up, so we probably won't be participating in the grand training exercise of 1 January 2007. I do hope that everyone else will carry out their devious plans and report back to me their victories, as I will need something to keep me from staring at Sammy in his crate and making sure that he's ok.

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts, fluffy prayers, and get well wishes for the bionic hip puppy.

Meeshka

Monday, December 25, 2006

Not a good holiday

Hey everyhusky and pup and fu-fu,

We're not having a good holiday at all here. Sammy (bionic hip puppy) twisted wrong out in the yard this afternoon and the humans rushed him to the dog emergency room and they think that he's hurt his back. The humans at first thought he had hurt his bionic hip, but he couldn't use his back legs. By the time the got him to the dog ER he could stand on his right leg, but he's still having issues.

They X-rayed him and have him on pain stuff and anti-swelling stuff and he has to stay there overnight to make sure he doesn't get worse. We're very depressed, the humans are depressed and we're also very sad that the gimpy hip pup isn't here to play with us.

Please say a prayer or have a good thought for our friend Sammy.

Meeshka
(not feeling very fluffy today without my friend)

Sunday, December 24, 2006

New HULA Member: Ashi

For creative ways of explaining certain things, I bestow an honorary HULA membership to Ashi, for her: "I was sitting quietly on the couch one night when your new book on photograpy just kind of exploded violently all over the carpet - I was really lucky not to be hurt" submission





Way to go Ashi

- Meeshka

Friday, December 22, 2006

New HULA Logo Unveiled

I knew that when I asked for logo ideas that my wonderful half-sister Tashi would come to the rescue. Tashi is very talented, having been in wildly popular videos and single-pawedly responsible for Web sites and other artistic works (soon to be discovered). I must say that she gets the artistic side from our mother Beaner, and I get the plotting, planning, and leadership skills from my father Red Dawg.

Not only did Tashi design the new HULA logo, but she also posed for it, since we look somewhat alike (she is black/white like mom, but shares the fluffy gene with me). Her human, I'm sure, will try to take the credit for her work, as she does with everything Tashi does. If it wasn't for Tashi's talent, those humans she puts up with would starve.

So, I just want to say thank you to my wonderful half-sister Tashi, and now, I give you... The official HULA logo (available on Cafe Press and I must say it looks FANTASTIC on the dark shirts)

Meeshka

Thursday, December 21, 2006

New HULA Member: Dusty Doodles


Queen Meeshka, Your Royal Highness of HULA,

I didn't think that as a Siberian Husky, I had to apply for HULA, I thought that we were just granted membership, and then I heard Da momma telling Da dad and I thoughts -- OH NO!!!!

So here is my official application. Sorry I don't have any pictures, the computer is acting up and I can't seem to locate where the human put them.


1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior Would that be when I wake them up in the very darkest part of the night and convince them I really have to pee (I do that by dancing and making my nails make clappity noises on the floor) and then when they finally get up to let me outside, decide that I really didn't have to pee, but I wanted to make sure none of my friends were out there?? Or, is that when they get all comfortable looking watching the talking box and I decide that I want fresh water in my bowl -- so I just pick up the bowl, even if it still has water in it -- and bring it too them. They aren't very happy about me spilling water all over the floor and their laps and stuff. But, they do get up and get me fresh water.

2. Cause your human to freak out for no real reason Oh I did this just the other day -- I ate bunches and bunches of olives that fell from the trees and it turned my poop bright RED. They totally freaked out, called the doctor at home, had her meet us at the hospital, only to be told that there was some kind of 'fruit' in my poop. The humans were really mad about that!!!

3. Cause human guilt for no reason, other to get attention or treats Sometimes when Whiskey and I are playing, I will cry really loud -- the humans always come running and then give me cookies. I've also resorted to holding my leg up like it's hurt and probably the best thing to make them feel guilty is to give them really sad eyes when they are eating ice cream and won't give me an Otter Pop. Whining at this time also helps and if all else fails, a really deep sigh will cause enough guilt for them to get up and get me my Otter Pop.

4. Destroy something Do 7 remotes for the talking box count?? What about the only picture the human had of her Momma?? I've also chewed through doors, porch railings and one airline crate. Blankets and stuffies I'm sure don't count.

5. Human behavior modification This is good Meeshka. See, what I do when I really want a cookie is to demand to go outside. They let me out and then I refuse to come in until they say the magic words "Dusty want a cookie". I then come running and sit in front of the cookie jar until they give in -- they promised after all!! This is really good to do when they are standing at the door calling you in their sleepy clothes or it's raining out or some other kind of weather that they hate.

6. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans My humans are too well trained to even try to dress me in any thing.

7. Love of Kleenex Did you say Kleenex?? Where??? I'll get it for you!!! I adore Kleenex, the more used the better.

Meeshka, I hope I qualify for HULA because you know I would always honor you, follow your orders and share my cookies with you!!

Lots of Woo's

DustyDoodles

(Dusty, I gotta try the red pooping olive trick sometime. Maybe I can get suck-up gimpy mutatoe to eat some, since he's such a butthead - Meeshka)

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Mutatoe World

OH MY GOSH! The lies Meeshka tells about me and little Sammy (my chew toy), I can't believe how she lies about me! I'm just a cute little puppy and there's nothing wrong with my foot, she's just jealous that she doesn't have a cute poofy foot like mine. I think she's mutant, she's all fluffy and has all that fur and she's got matted po-po hair and stuff. I'm sleek and cute, and adorable, and still look like a puppy so of course I'm going to get all of the attention from the humans, who aren't that bad at all, they're very nice actually, and I like the sleepy pants because they smell interesting when that nice lady drops food in her lap and stuff, and I just don't understand where all of that anger is coming from, I'm guessing that its balled up in all that fur, and I mean come on, she does mean things to me all the time, she tries to hump me, and she's really heavy, I mean fat heavy, and I just fall down because I'm just a cute little puppy with a very special foot that she's jealous of, and then she plays way too hard with me, she's always biting my neck and trying to throw me around and all I want to do is look cute and do my cute little play bow and she just comes right up to me and grabs me for no reason whatsoever, and then sometimes when I want to invite her to play she attacks me and chases me around the yard, and she steals all of the tasty sticks and says they are hers and we don't get anything and I think thatsEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


Sigh... sorry everyone. I have no idea how he got on the blog. It won't happen again.

Meeshka

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

New HULA Member: Shiro

Meeshka,
I am attaching four photos of myself in all my glory. The first is just a publicity head shot.

Second is me, seconds before i knock down the barrier (aka dog-proof-gate) and have free run of the house.

The third picture may not look like much, but what you can't tell is: I am firmly wedged under the couch where I can chew out the stuffing and noone can do anything about it.

Finally, a picture of me doing my best imitation of a fierce white bear, or perhaps an abominable snowdog.
I think those clearly illustrate my disruptive behavior. As far as Causing my humans to freak out, I am quite adept at this. I am equipped with a high pitched screaming voice, which I can employ at anytime.

Once, I also had foam flying out of my mouth (after attempting to ingest a toad), and that sure freaked them out.

I can certainly induce treat-giving, as well, through human behavior modification. My best method is my scratching at the humans' pockets where treats are sometimes kept. When they place their hand over their pocket to protect said pocket, I can then scratch at their flesh. Of course, I have more subtle ways as well, but sometimes direct is most effective.

I have destroyed too many things to number. The biggest, and most ongoing, project has been the couches. I ripped the bottom flaps off, and when I am bored, I will remove a cushion from the couch, work the zipper open (even once it had been sewn shut) and begin removing the foam stuffing.

Now, I am not always destructive, of course, of that could get me kicked out or in solitary confinement or some such, where I wouldn't be as useful towards furthering the mission. I can be very sweet and loving, cuddly, and kissy, but be careful, cause I turn on a dime.

I never let my humans dress me up, though...they are lucky if they can get my leash attached. I do love kleenex, though!

Sincerely, and with the utmost hope of becoming an official honorary member of HULA,
Shiro

(Shiro, you had me at couch cushions. Congratulations - Meeshka)

Monday, December 18, 2006

New HULA Member: Agent 00K9

My Dear Queen Meeshka,

Oh, joy! I jump for joy at the possibility of earning a HULA certificate! One to proudly chew on and then destroy in a corner of the yard, I can’t wait. What an honor! Your fluffiness and beauty have earned my complete dedication. Instead of bragging of my past exploits or victories against the clueless humans, instead I chose today to complete as many of the seven golden goals as possible. The She was easy. The human woman is a sucker for a good looking husky tail. I wagged, she gave in.

Thinking carefully, I set my plans in action.

There is a special vent in my house directed at The Chair. The human man likes it but The Chair is mine. I use it all summer long when it is to unbearably hot to be outside. Like foolish humans, they think I spend the day on the kitchen floor. No. My coat is to gorgeous to accept anything but the best, leather. The cold air vent is directed straight at The Chair. Rarely do I allow them to see me lounging there. Like I said, the human man thinks it is his. I won’t lower myself to fight about it.

Before settling down for a good nap in that perfect husky chair, I dragged out my rain coat. Yes, you heard me correctly. My Rain Coat. Lacking in much common sense, the foolish woman bought me a rain coat. A double coated, slick, thick and handsome dog like me gets a raincoat? Quickly, let me say “No, I have not had to suffer through wearing it!” Because, back then, The She happily held a liver treat over my head and forced me into it to declare loudly “Oh Pooh, it’s to small!” That thing has been under the bed, where I placed it, ever since.

I suffered indignity for you, Queen of my world. I dragged the rain coat out. Then I laid down in the chair.

The She thought it was precious, as expected, so out came the camera. I submit the pictures as evidence of the lengths I am willing to suffer to be in the HULA hoop.

By dragging out the raincoat and sitting in the lounge chair, just two simple moves, I was able to:

Freak my human out "Wow check him out, he is so cute!”

Change her behavior, “I have to take pictures! Always at the worst times”

Dress up for The She’s humor “Look he likes the raincoat, now where did that come from? Let’s put it on him.”

Receive a treat out of guilt – “Aww, do you want attention? I guess I have been busy lately. I have to run though, here have a treat”
I believe, oh Queen of fluff, that this would be considered disruptive behavior from the normal routine.

Throughout this series of pictures, please note that I was able to hide my identity with my reflective eyes.

So in closing, I give you my Kleenex. I have collected it out of love. Not love for the Kleenex, it isn’t used after all, but love of our future Queen!

Humbly,
Agent OOK9

(Agent 00K9, I have to say that there was just the right amount of sucking up in your criteria, it almost made me weep with joy. Congratulations, and welcome to the HULA Hoop)

Meeshka

Sunday, December 17, 2006

New HULA Members: Army of Four

Hey Meeshka!

Stormy here. Tail wags!
Hey..... we'd definitely like to be part of HULA; should we answer the 7 requirements? Or since we're Sibes (and Dave) are we automatically in? Anyroo, here are our responses; I could give countless examples under each point, but kept it brief:

1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior
We love to train for the Furniture Olympics - especially the boys. And especially if there are guests in the house. :)

2. Cause your human to freak out for no real reason
Hmmm... does the fact that you and us live in parallel universes count? Ha roo! I like to do this one thing - I stare at our mom until I get her attention. Once I have it, and it doesn't take long, I stare at a spot right over her head. Then back into her eyes. Keep repeating until she starts the "What!?!? What's THERE?!?!?" and keeps turning around. It's great fun.

3. Cause human guilt for no reason, other to get attention or treats
We demand treats every time we come in from going potty. If we don't get one immediately, we all 4 go over and stare at the cookie jar. If we need to push it further, I do the "harp seal look". Works every time.

4. Destroy something
Did you see Amber's post about the golf ball?
Golf Ball Horka Chewed the cover off one and started chewing the blue core. Hmm! Who knew it was blue in there?!?! She pooped out the blue stuff but horka-ed up the white outer shell. On the carpet. She's good. Very good.

5. Human behavior modification
We demand to be fed at 0600, 1300, and 2000 hours. And a bedtime cookie. We also make sure the bipeds are up by 4 or 5. Dave is very good at keeping the bipeds on the chow schedule; I specialize in reveille.

6. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans
I refer you to the picture at this post Babushka of Amber in the babushka. YIKES! Zim and Dave were relative accomplices, as they don't really mind the notion of head gear. Us girls are a completely different story. I, as evidenced on the next day's blog, took the bandana off before a photo could be snapped, and proceeded to run around the yard with it in my mouth. Ha roo.

7. Love of kleenex
Zim, being named after a Drill SGT, is on constant police call. In the house, outside of the house - it makes no difference. If it's paper, it's in his mouth.

I hope the above is evidence enough for our induction into HULA. I attach one photo for you, which shows you just how much I put up with around here. I only posed because it was to help out with a fund-raiser for a Siberian rescue group. And I thought I might get a puppy out of the deal.

Thank you for your consideration. On behalf of the entire Army of Four,
V/R,
Tail wags,
Stormy
Supreme Commander,
Army of Four (Storm, Amber, Zim and Dave)

Saturday, December 16, 2006

New Online Petzine

The folks at Dig & Scratch have asked me to link to them (since I'm world famous and will be ruling the world soon... it was most generous of them to ask my permission).

I've gone out and taken a look at their material. Edgy, eclectic, thought provoking, and as always, from a human point of view (those selfish humans), and no guest dog articles yet (I say yet, they'd better get some soon or the link goes away!)

Check it out, they just started. I hope we'll be able to gleen some human intel from it in our bid to take over the world. Remember, I just link to interesting stuff, so don't blame me for what they write... they're only humans remember.

Dig and Scratch

Meeshka

More HULA Pride merchandise

By popular demand, I've created t-shirts and other HULA goodies for everyone.

If you would like to submit a logo for HULA, please send them to me, I'd like to see your ideas and maybe it will become the official HULA logo! Of course, if you send it to me, it becomes MINE to use how I want, because everything is mine... except the gimpies, you can have the gimpies. Maybe I'll give a gimpy away to the winner of the logo thing... well, maybe that would make everydog not want to send anything in. I'll think of something cool to give to the winner. Like a garbage bag of my fluffiness or something.

Go buy HULA-riffic stuff!

I've Been Tagged

I have been tagged by Copper.

Things I would love to get for Christmas:

1. Five freakin minutes alone without a gimpy bothering me
2. A ride in the truck to meet people
3. A large raw roast of my very own
4. Every dog buying one of my cool HULA t-shirts or bumper stickers so I can be a millionairehusky and buy my own house.

Things I do not want to get for Christmas:
1. Nail clipping
2. Brushed
3. More gimpies

I tag A04, Holly, Fu-Fu, Opy, Sadie.

The Rules: The player of this game starts with "3 things he/ she would love to get for Christmas" and also has to list "3 things he/ she definitely does not want to get for Christmas". Then he/she tags 5 friends and list their names. The ones who get tagged need to write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes, as well as state this rule clearly, then tag 5 more victims. And the one who tags need to leave a comment that says "you've been Christmas tagged!" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Show Your HULA Pride

In a gratuitous display of commercialism and greed, I am now offering on my very own cafe press shop, a bumper sticker to slap on your human-mobile to show your HULA pride.

All proceeds go to me, Meeshka, to support our training missions and plot our takeover of the world.

Steal your human's credit card and buy one

New HULA Member: Zach


Dear Queen Meeshka,

I would also like to humbly apply for official membership in your prestigious HULA hoop. As an experienced leader of a special ops unit I have already gone on one mission to save a dog’s blogging life. As a matter of fact, a couple of my members have already been accepted into HULA. So even though I’m usually a ‘good boy’ I will try to document the 7 missions …

1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior
I recently used my Mom’s face as a launch pad to attack my sister, Chani. The humans should know better than to lay on the floor – that’s our territory. That incident really disrupted things around here and was pretty scary to boot. Well, Mom was pretty scary after it happened. I am also very good at barking at nothing and making Mom and Dad go look out the window to see what is there. I do that quite often.

2. Cause your human to freak out
Hmmm, does causing your Mom to have an allergic reaction count? Yesterday after she petted me her eyes began to itch and they turned really red. The downside was I had to have a bath after that. Other than that when I was a pup I used to shriek to high heaven when someone stepped on my paws – or even got close to them – it make the humans freak. But after a while it quit amusing me so I don’t do it anymore.

3. Cause human guilt
I can do the ‘sad eyes’ really, really well and usually can get Mom to take me for a car ride. I am also an expert beggar and can ALWAYS get a treat out of my Dad.

4. Destroy something
I destroy all my toys and dig holes in the backyard. Here’s a photo of a couple of my stuffies after they’ve gone a few rounds with me.















5. Human behavior modification
I have trained my humans to give me bones on a regular basis – really big bones – bigger than me, even! I have more bones than toys now – which is the way it should be.

7. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans.
Besides hats, I have to wear hands ... who ever heard of wearing hands!!! Notice that Chani is laughing at me.

Thank you for your leadership. I look forward to serving with you and completely dominating my humans (and maybe Chani too).

Your humble follower,
Zach

Zachthedog

Zach, I have to admit, the hands are very disturbing... really... freaks me out... claw your humans

Meeshka

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

I live with morons

I'm taking a break from posting all of the wonderful HULA nominations to let you know that I live with two morons... not including the humans, of course. If I haven't posted your HULA acceptance posts, please be patient. For one, blogger sucks and has been having issues lately while they roll out their latest and greatest release that will surely suck. Another reason is that I've been busy with the morons I live with today.

First of all, Sam decided to pout in his crate tonight after eating. Sam normally doesn't pout in his crate, which meant that the human woman was very worried about him and paid him a whole lot of attention instead of scratching my fluffiness. He was, of course, fine and sprang from his crate to get a treat when offered. Luckily the human woman gave me one too for no reason.

The real moron of the house is that suck up gimpy mutatoe Loki. For DAYS he's been moping around, being all bratty. He even had the gall to run straight into me, which really hurt!

Well, today the human woman finally did some laundry, and she was putting things away in the room where we aren't allowed. The gimpy mutatoe followed her into the room (I'll claw him later for that) and tried crawling under the bed. The human woman shooed him out of the room and put up the stupid gate, but he continued to sit in front of the gate and sigh. Later on she went back into the room where we aren't allowed, and he dashed in after her and once again tried to climb under the bed. This time the human woman looked, and there... was this:

Its his nasty, torn up stinky purple "ball".

This thing sat in the yard for YEARS because it was so stinky and nasty. I wouldn't touch it, the old guy-guy Nova ran away from its smell, and Sam picked it up once and threw up. The moment that little suck up gimpy came to the house, he claimed it as his and drug it INTO the house, where he chewed and chewed on it until it became this... not even a ball. (Please note that the nasty fabric stuff matches the nasty carpet in the house).

This is the second time he's pouted and pined for the purple stinky ball. He his a pink stinky ball, but that's not his favorite, he has to have the purple stinky ball. One time it was thrown down the stairs and it landed in the place where we use to be able to go, but now can't. Once again, he'd go downstairs and stare, but the human woman was oblivious, until one day he knocked the gate down and charged after it.

Ok, I admit, I'm the one that keeps hiding the foul thing, but that's only because I'll be napping somewhere and he'll come and toss it at me. That stink won't come off your fur no matter what, and its annoying. Sure, I'll gladly roll in a dead thing, but this thing stinks beyond a dead thing.

Which brings me to my point: HULA members are suppose to annoy the HUMANS not me... which is why he'll never make it into HULA at this rate. Ok, just as I was typing that with my razor sharp claws, I heard the distinct noise of something being dragged off the kitchen table. I raced in to tattle on him and sure enough, he had pulled some silly pad of paper off the table and was about to eat it. Alerted by my tattletail dash, the human woman was able to stop him, "trade up" for it, and once again I got a treat just for ratting him out.

Life is good

Meeshka
(keep that nasty thing away from me)

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

New HULA Member: Shiro




Most Honorable Meeshka,

I wish to officially join the ranks of HULA, although I have been unofficially doing HULA's work for some time now. I am very dedicated to the cause! My name is Shiro; I'm the white husky in the picture. I am what they call a foster dog, which is the best thing for a husky because it allows you to complete many training missions on your practice human before going into full-force HULA mode with your forever human. I am going to outline some of my accomplishments for you.

I am a master of disruptive behavior. My disruptive behavior began before my foster human even picked me up. She couldn't find anyone to help transport me, so she drove three hours to get me herself. However, the joke was on her because she failed to take into account that though we were both in the state of Indy-anna, we were in different time zones, which caused her to arrive during the time the shelter was closed for lunch. I took advantage of her untimely arrival at the shelter to very sneakily place a nail beneath her tire, and then let her drive away. I came from a very small town so there wasn't much to pass the time, so my foster human went into Wal-mart. After an hour there waiting for the shelter to open again, she came out to the parking lot and noticed that her tire was completely flat! Ha roooooo! She then spent another hour out in the car waiting for some guy to come put her spare on for her. After that, she came to the shelter and picked me up. It took a long time to drive home because she had that spare tire on and you can only drive so fast on that thing.

Of course, that was only the beginning. Some of my other favorite disruptive behaviors have included giving my foster human the slobberiest husky kisses possible at inopportune times, such as when she is in bed. I am so persistent with these, she sometimes has to cover her head with the blankets...and then I just lick the blankets until they are soaked which makes it very hard for her to sleep. I also like to make her wake up in the morning in the same way, with the addition that in the morning I will walk on her to make my way up to her face for the slobbery kisses. I like to put muddy paw and nose prints on her work clothes just before she is going to work. Oh, and one of my favorites is to do my loudest bark-woo in my foster brother's ear (which then causes him to snarl and growl at me) when my foster human is trying to watch a TV show or talk on the phone. Not only is this noisy, but it makes her watch us so that we don't get into an argument. She is sooooooooooo easy to distract!

When I first got into foster care, I acted like a little husky angel, but by week two, I was in full cause-human-to-freak-out mode. I will spare you the disgusting details of my devious plot, but let's just say that it involved copious amounts of doggy waste products that just weren't right. This resulted in a trip to the vet where it was determined that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me. Ha rooo! I also come in from playing the other day holding up my rear left leg. This caused the human to inspect me for anything imbedded in my paws or a cracked paw pad, and then she gave my leg a massage. I guess I need to hone my skills because when none of these helped, she put me in my room with my dinner instead of rushing me to the emergency vet. However, it did get her to serve me my dinner with much more efficiency than she is usually prone to, so I guess it worked out okay for me in the end.

I have to admit, I am not the best husky in my house at causing the human guilt, but I do have one trick for this. Every time she stands up, I run to the door, wagging my tail furiously and look at the doorknob expectantly. Since the human is very rarely actually going anywhere, let alone taking me for a walk or car ride, this behavior often causes enough guilt for her to break out the treats or chewies for everyone.

My favorite mind game is lulling the foster human into a false sense of security and then strike out on a HULA mission. I was such an angel that first week in foster care, that my human thought she could trust me and leave me safely ensconced in my own room. Boy, did I prove her wrong. I am attaching proof! After that, I had to go in the crate. I acted like I didn't mind that for a couple of weeks, but then I figured out how to open the latches on the crate and escape from it in various other ways. I made a once-nice crate into something very difficult to use....success! Then she tried putting me in an airline crate. That only lasted one day as I was lying in such an enormous puddle of drool by the time she got home that she felt too guilty to try it again. Ha! I've got her number. She is totally under my spell. Now she lets me stay loose in the house during the day. I am biding my time until my next strike.

As a foster husky, one of my responsibilities is to go to Petsmart on the weekends to try to find another human to enslave. As you can see, it is quite unnecessary to do more to my foster human. She was already a husky slave before I got to her; I just had to remind her of that. She is such a slave that she keeps rescuing huskies and releasing them to new homes in which to spread our message of fluffiness, destruction, and woo woos. The foster human thought that since it is the Christmas season, that it would be cute if I'd get in the spirit. I'll go along with it if it furthers HULA's mission and makes someone interested in adopting me, but I don't have to be happy about it. I later tried to eat this hat.

And as far as loving kleenex....well, I would have to say that I do. I like all trash! I will dig through even the most innocuous-looking trash (like the trash can that sometimes gets left in the living room which is devoted almost solely to husky hair) to attempt to find a tasty morsel such as a used kleenex or a box that may once have been anywhere near food. If I don't find these, it is still fun to shred up the gobs of husky hair and use them to re-fluff the floor and furniture (which is as it should be).

Thank you, most gracious Meeshka, for uniting everyhusky in our great cause. Keep fighting the good fight!

Yours in fluffiness,

Shiro

Sunday, December 10, 2006

New HULA Member: Copper

Dear Queen Meeshka,

I would like to humbly apply for official membership in your prestigious HULA organization. I believe my most recent escapade will more than qualify me for induction into the elite HULA hoop on the following grounds.

1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior
No matter what bedding my Mom gives me during the day, I tinkle on it. This recently prompted her to re-evaluate my daytime accommodations.

2. Cause your human to freak out
After consulting Dr Cindy, she imprisoned me in a cage thinking she needed to fix my "problem."

3. Cause human guilt
Aside from the guilt she feels for leaving me alone so that she can hold down a job, she feels guilty that she has not "trained me better." She felt very guilty when I had the feather incident

4. Destroy something
Who knew my favorite blanket had feathers in it. I didn't!

5. Human behavior modification
The black kennel is GONE and I had just a blanket today!

For full details, please see my blog at Copper's Blog
(Picture of the blanket incident is attached. I am soooo embarrassed.)

7. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans.

Thank you for your leadership. I look forward to serving with you as we rule the world. (I certainly hope you will outlaw black cages.)

Your humble follower,
Copper

(Copper, I have to say that if we need anyone to guilt the humans into submission... we'll be calling on you. I'm also sorry to say that we won't be outlawing crates... they just won't have doors on them... where else would we go when we need a bit of down time?)

Saturday, December 09, 2006

New HULA Members: The Border Collie and Renzo Brigade

Just a reminder (Opy) all breeds (including labs) can become honorary HULA members if they document the 7 missions outlined in the HULA creed post.

I'd like to announce the latest members, a true team effort:

Since we are writing from a secret, undisclosed training camp, we have used satellite relay to hijack our person's e-mail account. Please feel free to use it to respond as we have a tracking link set- up to intercept any message from you before it reaches the person.

My pack and I would like to apply for special commando status as we generally find we do very good work when working in a team (though each of us has no problem fulfilling most of your seven requirements). We've attached a photo of the whole team here (from
left to right: Renzo, Pippin, Rafe, Tansy and Hamish) and hope that you'll consider us for your most important Jan. 1, 2007 mission and
any other missions for which you are in need of service.

1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior
Whenever a human picks up the phone and pushes the first button, we all leap up and race to the back door barking and spinning. We do the same thing for each of the following human actions: turning off the living room lamp; opening the trash can lid; answering the telephone;
saying the word "o.k."; closing a book; placing a newspaper or magazine on the coffee table after reading it and someone knocking on the door. We bark madly and in harmony at any person, dog, cat or squirrel who crosses into our territory, front or back. Hamish and Rafe wrestle on top of any human lying down on the bed or couch and
trying to take a rest. Here is a picture of our backdoor activities:

2. Cause human to freak out for no good reason
At least once a week, one of us acts lame so that the humans flip out and consider rushing us to the emergency vet. The best time was when Tansy jumped out of her crate and then wouldn't put her foot down-- the people were already in bed in their jammies and they leapt up. She really just wanted a good massage, which she got and then she put her leg down. We make our people feel bad for whatever they happen to be feeding us because really they should be making our food fresh every day (which they used to do when it was just Renzo). We also make them worry about our pack dynamics all the time by acting like we aren't friends and stealing each other's toys.

3. Cause human guilt
We make them feel bad about not training us every day by looking forlornly at them when they are doing other things--this usually results in treats. Renzo in particular looks pitiful when he is squirted with water for barking--and then he gets treats for sitting. Tansy gets two walks a day because the people feel guilty that she spent four years with no walks before she came to live with us and she hams that one up good with sorrowful eyes. Hamish pouts when he gets scolded and the people usually feel bad and give him a treat. Rafe is an annoying oaf which makes the people yell at him and then they feel bad because "he's trying to be a good boy and
doesn't know how". Pippin retreats to her crate to ponder the universe and the people feel bad that she is all by herself and try and entice her out with games and treats. The humans feel bad that we don't have our own sheep to herd, so they take us to lots and lots of training classes and they feel bad if one of us doesn't have one to go to, so they find one.

4. Destroy something
Collectively, we have destroyed: recycling bag, 8 pairs of shoes, at
least 15 of pairs of socks, many kitty toys, many doggie toys, various tuperware containers, two wooden spoons (one pictured below),
the pockets in most pairs of pants, the pockets in most pairs of
sleepy pants, the pockets in most fleece sweaters, the pockets in two coats, many random pieces of paper, several dog beds (destroyed both by chewing and soiling), the back of a couch, three expensive harnesses and Pippin almost burned the house down by turning on the stove, which meant the people had to buy a new one, and then to make it work they had to have some of the electricity redone--so it's kind of like we destroyed the kitchen.

5. Human behavior modification
Our people used to like to sleep in and they still try it once in a while, but we make them get up by 7 a.m. at the very latest. One of our people used to refuse to walk us when there was ice on the sidewalks, but we made her buy some clip-on things for her shoes so she could still take us. Our people used to watch T.V. once in a while, but we put the kybosh on that (unless they give us bones or stuffed Kongs). Our people used to go to movies, but we convinced
them that we are more entertaining than a stinking movie. Our people used to have dinner parties, but we told them that unless we could invite our friends, they couldn't invite theirs. Our people used to leave their clothes artfully piled on top of our sleeping crates, but
by eating the pockets, we disabused them of that laziness. Because of us, the humans have bought two new cars--first a station wagon and when that wasn't big enough, they traded it for a rolling living room (a.k.a. a mini-van)

6. Our humans don't actually dress us up, but they did create this
picture of Hamish as a military man

7. Love of Kleenax--
You've got to be kidding--this is child's play and we get Kleenax or Kleenex-like objects daily--it's almost like the people want us to have them, though Pippin and Rafe are best at ferreting the used ones out of pockets or trash cans.

We can send you any other information you might need and hope that you will call on us for any missions needing speedy, spinning,
rounding up kinds of actions.

Sincerely,
The Border Collie + Renzo Brigade

Thursday, December 07, 2006

New HULA Member: Quinn

Dear Queen Meeshka

I would like to apply for HULA membership. I don’t know if I have all of the steps covered yet, I don’t really like Kleenex, but I’m getting close.

My best skill is demonstrating disruptive behavior. My human enrolled me in flyball training. Since there are more than 4,000 boring collies and only 30 huskies enrolled in flyball, she was very excited when the trainer said it was time for me to run with the team. You see, I’ve been in training for more than three years now; the human says I’m in remedial flyball and then laughs. So I decided to teach her a lesson.

The trainer said if I did well at a flyball demo, she’d put me in the team lineup for the next competition. I lulled them into a false sense of security by doing everything perfectly at the demo. I’m attaching pictures to show you how devious I am; not only did I do a perfect flyball demo, but I did it outside in an unfenced area without running off.

They put me on one of the flyball teams and said if I did okay in the warmup I could run in the race. I did a perfect warmup run, so they said I could run as fourth dog in the race. The first three dogs made flawless runs, mom released me and I ran over to visit the other team. She called me back and I got about halfway then ran down the middle between the two lanes. She yelled at me to get the ball, so I ran over and pulled the ball out of the box without triggering it.
Then I batted the ball around like a kitten before I ran over and tried to make friends with the box judge. She called me back and I ran back up to her, without going over a single jump. About halfway through my performance the team captain yelled, "Put the sheltie in!" Can you believe it? I demonstrate disruptive behavior like a good HULA member and they replace me with a SHELTIE! I bet we never see a sheltie in HULA.


Since the human keeps taking me to flyball class, I’m adding to my HULA credentials by destroying tennis balls. No tennis ball is safe from me, even the big, giant tennis ball. I’m attaching pictures to show you what I do to the tennis balls she gives. I’ll show THEM what replacing me with a sheltie is all about!

I also cause my human to freak out for no real reason all the time. My favorite was when she came out of the
bedroom and couldn’t find me. She was calling me and calling me and I was nowhere to be seen. She was almost in tears wondering how in the world I got out of the house and how long I had been gone. Eventually she found me in my favorite napping spot. I’m attaching a picture of that too. Hey, it was hot in the house and the carpet was too warm for me. I have now modified her behavior to turn on the air conditioner whenever *I* deem it too hot outside.

I even caused her a lot of guilt when I decided to eat my food too fast and I bloated. Okay, so in hindsight maybe that wasn’t the best idea since I ended up having emergency surgery and spending a night at the ER. The vet called mom early the next morning and said, "He’s fine come and get him." I think that had something to do with my escaping the x-pen and going up front to visit with the receptionist. Then running around the lobby playing keep-away when they tried to get me to go back to the pen. The worst part of that was that for surgery they shaved my fluffiness! I’m attaching some pictures to show you the horror of being de-fluffed.


Then the human humiliated me by dressing me up - TWICE! The first time was my aunt’s fault. She said she’d pay money to see a husky with bows in it’s ears. That horrible human will do anything for money and the next thing I know I had bows in my ears. Then I shook my head and ate the bows."






If that wasn’t bad enough, next she decided to get clever and dress me up as "a wolf in sheep’s clothing." That went over even worse than the bows, but boy those cotton balls are yummy - they’re even better than Kleenex!


I am also working behind the scenes to recruit new HULA members. The human fosters huskies for a rescue and I believe it’s my job to educate the foster dogs on proper HULA behavior before they go to their new home. When the time comes, you will have a full HULA army in Indy-ana ready and willing to await your commands.

Your humble servant,

Quinn

(Good Work Quinn, and the Queen Meeshka beginning was very nice too - Meeshka)

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

There's a New Defense in Town

There has been much chatter on the human mail list about a poor innocent husky who was found licking a bowl that had formerly contained crab dip.

Most of the humans jumped right on the bandwagon and pointed their non-fluffy fingers at the poor husky, accusing him of STEALING the bowl and eating the crab dip. Surprisingly, some have offered alibis and alternative stories as to how the bowl ended up on the floor, and the crab dip's disappearance.

Its always the husky's fault, therefore, I'm putting up my shingle in defense of the wrongly accused!

New HULA member Hershey

Meeshka,

This is my mom's email, she let me use it. I would like to apply for official HULA membership! Here are my reasons that I, Hershey, should be allowed membership into the uber-elite HULA-hoop.

1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior
No matter what is going on, such as important phone calls, conversations, anticipated television shows, etc. I BARK and GROWL and EXPLODE with FEROCITY whenever the mailman delivers the mail to the box right outside the front door!

2. Cause human guilt for no reason, other to get attention or treats
If my mom or dad step on just one little bit of my hair I get all sad and act as if they have just maimed me! I love it! They pick me up and love on me and feel horrible and I usually get a treat! Soooo easy!!!!

3. Destroy something
I destroyed my fabric kennel by chewing a hole in it and busting the zipper! (see picture)














4. Human behavior modification
They gave up trying to make me not pee in my bed! Hey if I need to go, I need to GO! So they wash pee towels, I WIN!

5. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans
(see picture) need I say more!

Hershey, welcome to the HULA hoop.

Meeshka

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Official HULA Certificate of Membership

Since I've received quite a few comments regarding the wonderful training that has been done by both Northern Breeds (who will officially govern the world, I myself shall be queen), and other breeds (including the rare Northern Breed hamster Fu-Fu), I have decided that we'll need to induct some new members into the HULA ranks.

So, for all of you who feel you are worthy of being a member of HULA and granted into the HULA hoop, please e-mail me with the following:
  1. A picture of yourself
  2. Your story of how you've accomplished one (or more) of the 7 HULA accomplishments (pictures of your deeds also encouraged)
  3. a return e-mail address
Those who are worthy will be inducted into the HULA hoop and receive their very own (stunning, and endorsed by me) HULA membership certificate (suitable for framing) like this one (which I made tiny so you devious breeds don't just print this one out and claim membership without official sponsorship) via e-mail. Your story and pictures will be posted on my blog for everyone to read and appreciate!


And NO, I'm not going to personalize them, I have my own training and clawing to do in preparation for our 1 January 2007 take-over of the world. Click on "e-mail me" link at the top of the blog to send in your stories and pictures. If you don't have pictures of the destruction and chaos, that's fine, but don't be making stuff up!

Meeshka (they better be good stories too!)

Monday, December 04, 2006

Honorary HULA?

Fu Fu asked if he could join HULA and our training session. This is a very serious request, and I had to go review your accomplishments in order to see if you were qualified.

Some of the most important accomplishments for HULA membership are:
  1. Demonstrating disruptive behavior
  2. Cause your human to freak out for no real reason
  3. Cause human guilt for no reason, other to get attention or treats
  4. Destroy something
  5. Human behavior modification
  6. Being dressed up as something for the humor of the humans
  7. Love of kleenex
After reviewing your case history (reading your blog) I see that you meet all of the qualifications (on a smaller, yet very impressive scale), and therefore I am hereby accepting you into the HULA hoop.

For your own safety, please continue your chaos and HULA covert actions in the vicinity of your cage, as you are a small, yet tasty morsel, and we wouldn't want an eager HULA member to mistake you for free range squeeky toy.

We are also receiving reports from all over about humans complaining about our training tactics. Huskies curling up on the kitchen table for naps, huskies stealing crab dig from tables (a fine piece of levitation and stealing I may add).

Keep up the good work everyone, and train hard

Meeshka
(almost got the human woman's roast tonight)

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Pssst, Get Ready

Ok everyhusky (and dog) I've calculated the best possible day for our test take-over of the world.

Searching back into the history of humans, it seems that they have a big celebration for what they call "the end of the year". It happens, oddly enough, at the end of the human calendar year.

The humans usually go out the night before the end of the year, or stay home and have parties on the night before the end of the year. Typically they get stupid drunk on their beverages, do silly things, and set off stupid fireworks when the human clock thing strikes midnight, celebrating the "end of the year".

In order for us to determine if our true take-over of the world will actually work, or whether we require specialized training, we will have a mock "take-over the world" training session.

This session will occur on 1 January 2007 (by the human calendar). That is the day when most humans will be incompacitated from their drinking and partying. Most humans will be unable to get out of the bed, unless they run to the white bowl to horka. This will be the perfect day to take advantage of their weaknesses and test our skills to ensure we're fully prepared for the take-over. If we happen to take-over the world on 1 January 2007, then that's an added bonus, but I highly suspect we'll need some additional specialized training in the next year before our true attempt.

Remember; if the humans party at your house, don't partake of the alcohol, even if its within easy reach. We need all of you bright and alert for the next day's activities. Mind control and furry force is authorized for this training session.

In order for me to determine the success of our training mission, I will need reports back that detail the following:

  1. A trip to the ER vet for no reason at all.
  2. Destruction of household items
  3. Poking the humans in the butt while they horka in the white drinking bowl
  4. A short escape that requires the humans to chase you, catch you, then horka (hopefully not on you)
  5. Leaping on the incompacitated humans at will
  6. Causing the humans to just give you an entire bag of food, rather than the usual meager portion.
So, start your training sessions, get ready for that day, and let me know how successful you are in your attempt to take over your own little corner of the world.

Meeshka
(Queen of the everything)

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Prepare for the Day

HULA operatives!

I will be reporting soon on a very important training mission that will determine our readiness to take over the world. Please stand by for this most important announcement in the next day or two.

In the meantime, I've receive a covert report from Agent 00K9 on training activities underway:

Dear Queen Meeshka, With great pleasure, I have covertly been contributing to your plan of overthrowing the human world. Since I last checked in with you, oh mighty leader, I have stolen another sandwich left unguarded, escaped a few times out the front door when unsuspecting humans visited my home and best of all on one of those escapes I chased the neighbors cat. Yes! It was fantastic. How dare that feline patrol my front yard. It was imperative that I set it straight. I allowed the feline to escape as it was much more pleasurable to listen to the humans scream in fear of its life. You would have enjoyed the sight of my human woman jumping up and down in her pink fuzzy housecoat as I chased that cat across the street and up the fence. I’ve laughed for months during my incarceration. Yes, it’s true. The human woman has been containing me during visits of other humans; just in case I decided to show them how easy it is to manipulate them. Back to the topic at hand, play fighting. Normally I am viscous in my relentless attempts to bring down the other gimpy dogs. I always attack at the throat bringing them down in the Caribou style. But I have decided that I must confuse the humans in this war. I must stay a step ahead of them in my pursuit of freedom and power for all huskies. The human woman brought home yet another dog that she calls a rescue. This one is a malamute puppy, a small whiny little thing that supposedly has a genetic defect and won’t become taller than me. There is no challenge in bringing that little runt down. But I watch carefully for the times that she brings out that camera thingy. As soon as it appears I confuse the humans by acting as if I am innocent. I have attached a picture of my innocent looking self with the runt. Little do they know that as soon as their backs are turned I slam it down and make it whine. It’s great fun. Human steps out, I look innocent and sweet.


Door shuts, I slam the little booger and the human steps out and yells at the other dogs!
Got to love it.


Keep up the fight,

Agent OOK9

Monday, November 27, 2006

How We "Play"

Fu-Fu asked if the humans play with us. Well, they do, but its kind of a long story (which I'll interupt here to say that the human woman bought MORE sleepy pants today).

Unlike most dogs, we huskies are always plotting, planning, scheming, and thinking. We don't have time for "play" like other dogs who aren't trying to take over the world. We have devious things we want to do, so while we do "play" its actually covert training for our master plan.

For instance, some dogs like to play "tug o' war". Huskies will humor the humans for a bit, but generally we feel that if we want something, we'll just take it. There's no need to tug and fight over something with the humans, when eventually they'll go off and do something else, and we'll go steal a pot roast from a counter.

Some dogs play "fetch". Huskies feel that if the human didn't want the ball, they shouldn't have thrown it, and if they want it back, they can just walk over and get it themselves. Sure we may chase after the ball while its rolling, but that's part of our covert training to track down and kill small woodland creatures.

Here are some training techniques that are disguised as "games" that huskies will play:
  • Gut the squeeky toy (bonus points for fastest times)
  • Riccochet bed (leaping off and on the bed, using it as a springboard)
  • Dig to China or freedom (whichever comes first)
  • Sink Sucking (the humans leave so much good tasty things on their plates)
  • Important Paper Shred (if its put up somewhere, it must be important)
  • Cushy Hoarding (gather as many cloth items as possible and lay on it)
  • Drop Kong on Bare Feet
  • Wolf vs Caribou
Wolf vs Caribou is a very important training tool. In our case, we play Wolf vs Annoying Caribou. One husky is the wolf, the other husky is the caribou. In our case, Sam and I are the wolves, and Loki is the annoying caribou. The object of this game is to stalk, chase, drag down, and savage the annoying caribou. Per the human woman's rule, we can't savage him so much that he squeeks, so we'll give her that one, but sometimes its just too easy to get carried away with the game and we forget the rule.

So, the question was: "Do the humans play with us", and the answer is: sorta.
We like an audience when we do our training, so they are usually standing around watching us and saying things like "oh, look at them play, they're so happy". Meanwhile we're thinking "hehehe, we have them so fooled, we're on a training mission"

Meeshka
(Commander, HULA Forces)

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Odds (no, not the gimpies) and Ends

The humans have been home for four whole days and frankly I'm sick of them being around. The human woman mentioned something about going back to work tomorrow (complaining as usual), and frankly, I need some peace and quiet.

To answer some questions left as comments:

The humans are too paranoid to give us our own dog door. We'd probably never come back inside, unless it was to get our bed time treats and to hog the bed. They feel that left to our own devices, we would just do evil in the yard, and would have dug under the fence (despite their devious attempts with concrete and chicken wire) while they slept. They control us with a tight leash, which is why we fight the leash of oppression.

The stick pile continues to dwindle away. Sometimes I think she just re-arranges it into interesting shapes to make it look smaller, but I do suspect she's stealing valuable and tasty limbs and doing something with them.

You have it lucky Zim. When I come in from the rain and get into bed, the human woman just complains about the wet sand I leave behind and contorts herself into some kind of position to get any bit of the bed. Loki tells her off when she tries to encroach on any of his half of the bed, and I heave a huge SIGH when she bothers my sleep. She can't go sleep on the couch because they cut it in half and moved half upstairs, which isn't big enough for her to lay on. She does sometimes go into the guest room to sleep on the hard normal bed, but that was during storms, and that was before she started putting a t-shirt on me.

Kelsey and Smokey, you really have to train harder in your anticipation of human food falling skills! You both should have been on that pumpkin pie the very second it hit that floor to clean it up. The key is being underfoot all the time, whether you are laying right in front of the fridge or oven (watch out for the oven, the falling things are very hot), or walking slowly beside the food carrying human, you have to be right there for the action. Sometimes bumping into the food carrying human creates great results as well, but be sure to "yip" in pain to make the human think that they stepped on you and caused the spill, not the other way around.

Just a few helpful tips from Meeshka

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Humans Don't Like Help

Apparently humans don't like help.

For instance, the human woman was out early this morning (no, not in sleepy pants, although that is surprising) re-arranging our wood pile again. Just when we get the wood pile where we want it... in a not so pile, strewn throughout the yard actually, bits and pieces all over the place, she goes out and messes with our system.

We had tasty bits of sticks in one area, the fun to climb on big chunks in another area, and little tiny branches all over. We liked our system, and she ruined it.

So, we see her gathering the twigs and branches again and we tried to help. Ok, so Loki and Sam got into it trying to move the same branch, but they were just trash talking... there were no injuries (that wouldn't heal over time). I was doing my best to watch her with the branch cutters. Those things are pretty cool, but I could have done the same thing with my teeth. It still amuses me that humans have to go buy tools that let them do what comes naturally to us.

She kept yelling at me to get back. How on earth was I suppose to learn the tool if I can't watch while standing on the limb she's going to cut. I helped her with the twine. It was apparent that she wanted the whole spindle thing unwound, so I grabbed an end. Apparently that wasn't her plan. While she was chasing me, Sam peed on the rest of the twine.

It was at that point that she decided that we needed to go inside, so we couldn't help her anymore. We instead decided to jump on sickly human man, because he couldn't let us out (the human woman announced to him that he couldn't) so we pretty much tortured him for a good hour until we could go out again.

Sigh... there was the stick pile, even more smaller than before. The sticks keep disappearing, and we suspect that they get thrown over the fence where all of the dead things go.

The human woman has been hard at work implementing my howliday card ideas. I especially like my new one. Human language is silly sometimes, they have a different word for everything, and depending on where you come from on the earth, there's different words for the same thing.
So, here's the latest howliday card for your viewing pleasure:
Merry Whatever

Meeshka
(Queen of the dwindling stick pile)

Friday, November 24, 2006

What's a Husky To Do?

I wanted to clarify something that the human woman has been spreading around. She claims that I wake her up every morning JUST to steal her spot on the bed. She's so delusional. After all, I have her trained to scooch over to the very middle of the bed to allow me enough room for my fluffiness. Why on earth would I wake her up to take what I already have.

No, you see, the human woman is very lazy. If I let her, she'd sleep all day and all night. In the mornings, I actually let her get a small nap in after she gets up in the early morning to feed us, so I don't know what she has to complain about.

The reason I wake her up in the mornings, and then immediately take her spot on the bed is so she doesn't crawl BACK into bed and then its even harder to get her up again. She thinks I'm doing it to steal her spot, when in fact I'm doing her a favor and making sure she gets up to do the things she needs to do in the house, like feed me kleenex, and scratch my belly, and give me cool water, and take me out, let me in, take me out, let me in, take me out, etc.

So, just wanted to clear that up.

Today she was gone ALL DAY doing something for homeless northern breed potential HULA dogs. We stayed home with the human man, but he was very sick today. Barely got out of bed, but somehow found the strength to get up and feed us our lunch (he better had, sick or not, we need lunch). When she got home a HALF HOUR AFTER OUR NORMAL FEEDING TIME, we were very demanding. Something about that turkey that makes you crave it on a regular schedule. She made up to us for being gone all day and gave us an extra helping in our food, which we thanked her for with a claw.

I'm sure after being gone all day she'll want to go to bed early. That means (sigh) I'll have to work really hard at getting her up tomorrow.

Meeshka
(my work is never done)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Turkey Day Everyhusky (and dog and doglet and Fu-Fu)

The human woman will claim that she spent the whole day slaving in front of a hot stove, but don’t let her fool you. She spent most of the time on the powerbook, so I wasn’t able to blog this morning.

The humans have gorged themselves silly on turkey and other things. We were given just a paltry thin slice of the tasty meat. I got so excited that I reared up to wave my paws with excitement, slipped on the tile floor and bonked my chin hard. The humans, at least, were very concerned about my well-being and didn’t laugh. My chin felt much better with the tasty turkey morsel, but it wasn’t nearly enough for healing purposes. We got a little bit more after they ate, but still, not enough to appease us. Rumor has it that dinner will be very tasty tonight, so I’m counting the minutes until dinner time for us.

Its oogie rainy and cold here again, so no sitting on my new throne. I’ve only been outside 2 times today, I’m trying to hold it so I don’t have to go out there. I’m like a sponge in the rain, and then I have to endure the horrible “rough towel” when I come in. I tend to wait until the human woman is leaning over me, then I shake. She loves that.

Oh, by the way, the human woman didn’t want to admit this on the blog, but she’s so pathetic that last night she realized that she had been wearing her sleepy pants inside out all day. Heaven forbid that anyone in the house (us) should notice something embarrassing. The next thing you know she’ll be wearing them out to stores and stuff, not just going out in them to check the mail. Apparently her human friend V in North Carolina says that wearing sleeping pants is ok to wear out to the store down there.

I’ve never lived in North Carolina, but old guy-guy Nova did, and he told me that its not too bad down there, but they hardly got any snow, so I don’t think I want to live there. If I can’t play in snow... wait a minute, we rarely get any here... so what’s the difference?

Ok, I think I’ll go take a nap now which will make the hours and hours until turkey dinner time go faster.

Meeshka
(more turkey please, my chin hurts)