How to Drive the Human Woman Insane (Lesson #849)

So, the human woman lets Sam out to do his thing and leaves him out there for a while, secure in the knowledge that he’s a good gimpy boy and won’t do anything devious. After all, he’s a suck up, he’ll just do what he needs to do and patiently wait by the door to be let in.

Well, not so much. Human woman leaves him out for longer than normal, and Sam, being bored, decides to run up the deck stairs. He’s never run up the deck stairs. He hates the deck stairs. Even before his spine “incident” he would refuse to go up the deck stairs. She would have to bring us inside on the deck, then walk downstairs and let him in through the downstairs door (which is driving the human woman insane method #267).

Today, well, he decides to go up the deck stairs, which freaks the human woman out because:
1.) he hates the deck stairs
2.) he shouldn’t be running up any stairs

She goes onto the deck and decides to carry him down, but since he’s been laying on his butt a lot, he’s too heavy for her. She didn’t want to fall down the stairs with him, so she decides to put the gate up at the top, secure the gate at the bottom, comes inside the house, lets us out of the house downstairs. Now we’re outside downstairs, Sam is outside on the deck, so we yelled at each other for a bit and he told us his plan.

The human woman goes up the stairs again, lets Sam into the kitchen, then has to figure out how to get him downstairs again. She decides to let him try going down the inside stairs, which he does flawlessly and with ease. He almost blew his cover, since he took those steps so well.

Once he was safely back downstairs, she had to walk back up the stairs, onto the deck, down the deck stairs to open the gates to let us back on the deck. I thought she was going to fall over after all that.

After all that excitement, he refused to eat his food until later that night and did some good moping. We’re going to do the same tonight when we’re done staring at the Dove.

Meeshka